'Real' Pakistani women

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I always grew up learning that ‘real’ Pakistani women marry the person their family wants, have children when the family demands it and are happy even if they have to have a lot of children, and are happy doing the dishes and cleaning up home and cooking and serving their families and want nothing else in life but that.

It always felt like I wasn’t allowed to have my own personality and preferences. There was this one mould we all had to fit in: cook, clean, have babies, obey to every command and whim of the family and inlaws who were often the same. And be happy with it. And be deemed a horrible person or even unislamic if you wanted something more or different. This isn’t just my family, but many Pakistanis abroad. If a female makes the choice to get married and have children and serving her family and if she herself wants nothing else, then that is fine, but the choice of doing something more with her life shouldn’t be taken away from her.

It is 2018. Many females in Pakistan are already having a career and making different choices. It’s time to let the females in the rest of the nation have those same choices. This article gives us something to think about:
?Real? Pakistani women](https://www.dawn.com/news/1414906/real-pakistani-women)

source: [https://www.dawn.com/news/1414906/real-pakistani-women]

*The idea that any woman who wants more than what men are comfortable with ? women who want to prove that they can be mothers and doctors (or lawyers or accountants or government workers, etc, etc) ? are in fact not ?real? Pakistani women and are tainted by ?Western feminism? is a very popular one in Pakistan. *

*The consequence is the construction of the authentic, the true, and the perfect Pakistani woman as someone who is formed exactly according to the wishes of the men who are standing in judgement over her. For such men, this would be the selfless and self-sacrificing mother, a one-dimensional creature that exists only to watch over her brood and teaches them all the things that men have approved are appropriate for teaching.

For some other men, somewhat different angles may matter more: they might see the perfect woman as a fantastic cook who keeps an immaculate house, pleases and serves their mothers (and let us not forget that women propagate these strictures too) and on and on. The similarity in all of this, of course, is that the woman is expected to have no sense of self and no basis to ever challenge the man?s decisions, besides being ?reasonable? where the term means complicit in her own subjugation.

So stringent are the guidelines of selfless devotion to Pakistani men (and hence perfect Pakistani femaleness) that even the example of some of the earliest Muslim heroines may not help them reconsider their approach. Take, for instance, the courageous Nusaybah bint Ka?ab, one of the earliest converts to Islam. After accepting Islam, she began preaching, always believing that women and men had equal duties in defending the faith. To practise what she preached, the fearless Nusaybah took part in the Battle of Uhud as a warrior. A number of men who believe that mothers should stay at home would be shocked to discover that Nusaybah was married and the mother of two sons. Would such a woman have measured up to the contemporary idealised standard of motherhood touted here?*

2

I think women in Pak are already choosing their own profession. No? There are always exceptions ofcourse in some of the areas as it’ll take time but if you pick all major cities, women are quite able to do so.
An example is the ratio of girls in ALL medical colleges.

PS: I think this thread should be in life1 section. @Sahdia77 ??

3

Women should listen to their husbands.

4

It really depends on your family still and where you live in Pakistan. I was born and grew up in the Netherlands. I wasn’t allowed to make my own choices in life. Many cousins of mine weren’t either. Same goes for a lot of Pakistani family friends of ours. I wish it was already normal for all females to be able to make their own choices, but unfortunately it isn’t yet. :frowning:

5

Yes, the trend is slowly changing in some places, which is why I said: Many females in Pakistan are already having a career and making different choices.

If each person changes it for his or her own family, that is a start. And leave other people alone instead of saying nasty things about their life choices. That would help many people. As for myself, I chose a life for myself and made many sacrifices for it. I would do it again, even knowing what I know now. I never told my own children that they HAVE to do something only for me, I look at their happiness as well. I’ve helped people in various ways to get somewhere in life, I don’t advertise it all the time, doesn’t mean I don’t help anyone. That is how it starts, you change it in your own family, your own area, your own contacts and when many people do that, then we all get somewhere together.

6

I think some progress is definitely happening, but even in “urban” areas where women are allowed to go to colleges there definitely still is extremely controlling families. This whole “urban” look is sometimes even a mask for progress when there is still backwardness in the way people think.

7

Empower more women to sending them in legislative bodies and see if they can bring the change. Overall majority of nations are still Patriarchic

8

[quote=““Arnold ShalwarNekar””]
Empower more women to sending them in legislative bodies and see if they can bring the change. Overall majority of nations are still Patriarchic
[/quote]

This is a good solution in theory, but there are still so many handmaiden women who would probably support institutions that hurt women as a class. For something like this there would have to be a lot of vetting.

9

Thats true. Patriarchy cant exist if a section of women dont help them. But they become a part of it. In the end it’ll come to an individual and how those individuals are dotted, perhaps through a non-profit or a social org

10

The author of the quoted Dawn article seems like an angry woman who hates to cook and finding excuses left and right about how she is not like other women who cook for their families. Sympathies for her husband though, if she has one.

One more article in the sea of advice geared toward short term relationships !

11

I don’t think you recognize how your response is EXACTLY what she is talking about.

Her opinion means she’s a woman who doesn’t like “cooking” and is “finding excuses” and oh, her poooor husband. Clearly, her desire for women to have space to be individuals is not important.

12

You cannot tell your wife to do your work or have kids in Islam. She can refuse everything and you’ll have to actually take care of her. This is stupid “indian” culture that we inherited from hindus. Not islam.