Just a random thought.
Does it seem like we have one set of wishes for our own daughters, yet another set of wishes for our dil’s? Often, the inlaws claim to treat their dils as their own daughters, but is that really how it happens?
Any thoughts?
Re: real daughter vs dil
you are absolutely right.
There always are two sets of wishes.
be it daughter or DIL
be it mother or MIL
be it father or FIL
be it brother or BIL
There simply cant be 1 set for both. RESPECT is the key here. in -in-law case, respect (or lack of it) comes before love.
Re: real daughter vs dil
yes, it's an unfair world after all! **apnaa Khoon apnaa hii hotaa hai***...:)*
Re: real daughter vs dil
Your expectations should be from your husband and your parents. Thats it.
Your responsibility is to be kind and respectful to everyone - including your in-laws.
Worry about your own actions...leave everyone else to Allah swt to deal with.
Re: real daughter vs dil
its true. ive seen my own mil treat me differently and her daughter. her daughter is my age, however her mum runs after her, feeding her coo-cooing over here, if she sees me and husband eating something, she will make a point of asking why isnt there any food left for daughter, or why didnt u buy her a samosa too...etc etc she literally wipes her **** for her. its sickening the away she treats her, shes an adult, and even my hsuband makes a point of it all the time, shes getting married in few months and her mum treats her like a 4 yr old. im pregnant, sometimes i dnt feel too good, yet i still have to get up and do something, otherwise mum tells the world im not doing anything, blah blah and that in preg everyone gets pains so wat....yet her daughter barely sneezes and her mum rushes her into bed with a mug of cocoa and hot water bottle. and all day ul hear bichari bimar hai, bichari thak gai bichari yeh bichari woh..
now my own mum- yes she loves me yes shes does her best for me, but she doesnt mollycuddle me, she doesnt take my side all the time, she will alwyas be neutral, she doesnt wrap me in cotton wool. i have no idea how my sil will survive living with her inlaws.
Re: real daughter vs dil
well it just seems unfair bc we want the world for our daughters -- education, living arrangement, good family, good job, etc -- but for the dil's we expect them to 'settle' with what they get AND to be content and happy with it...even if its not what they would want for their own daughters. maybe its normal? but weird for sure
Re: real daughter vs dil
Former boss claimed that she treats her daugther no differently than she treats her other employees. The difference in treatment/privileges couldn't have been more obvious to the rest of us. I used this example because it doesn't deal with marriage. There are some people who try their best to be ethical/fair...and there are some who make gross differences in treatment. But human nature makes it harder to maintain a consistent standard. It would be hard for you to treat your in-laws in the same exact way that you treat your own parents/siblings. Thedynamics are different. You already know the answer to this question.
Re: real daughter vs dil
well it just seems unfair bc we want the world for our daughters -- education, living arrangement, good family, good job, etc -- but for the dil's we expect them to 'settle' with what they get AND to be content and happy with it...even if its not what they would want for their own daughters. maybe its normal? but weird for sure
Yeah, I do want the world for my kids.
Which is why I won't give them false hope. Yes, you need to respect your elders but don't fool yourself into thinking ANYONE on this planet can do what your parents did for you. NO ONE can. So stop having those expectations from people.
Are your own parents there for you? If so, why do you need someone else's? Be happy with what Allah swt has given you and just do your part...be good to your in-laws.