I am a bit surprised that such things(forced arranged marriages) can happen even in the supposedly upper class immigrant families who are generally considered less conservative.
I mean forced arranged marriages happen in India too (I am an Indian, btw) but don’t happen at this scale among the immigrant community and never heard foreign diplomatic missions in India getting involved in this problem.
Re: Read this about Pakistan in the San Francisco Chronicle today
That's disguisting.
My family are conservative but thank God they're not backward, not heard of any such thing amongst any of our relatives or friends.
I always knew an arranged marriage is expected of me but I also knew that if I were to fall in love with a girl before then my parents would not object to me marrying her provided she lived as a good Muslim and I loved her, my parents always made this clear, they had no regard for silly things like culture, caste, language, nationality, tradition, complexion et al. getting in the way of love, like it is with many Asian parents.
Eventually I did go along with their choice and they were more an introductory service than anything else, we're not officially married yet because we're only 18 but we've done the engagement and the Nikaah which is the important thing so we're like bunny rabbits and our love blooms like a flower day by day. I do feel sorry for less fortuante people who have forced marriages and then have to spend their lives with somebody they don't love.
Re: Read this about Pakistan in the San Francisco Chronicle today
It all goes to prove the saying...
"You can take the Paki out of Pakistan... but you can't take Pakistan out of the Paki"
Call me conservative... but i'd like to think that... for good or for worse... it's these very same traits which we sometimes try to shrug off and ignore which make us so uniquely what we are... Desi!
I've been undergoing a bit of a transformation over the past year or so... and i've really come to appreciate the wisdom (if a little warped) of the ways of our elders.
Marriages are affairs which have a contribution from both those entering into the contract... as well as the families involved. The families have every right to choose someone who's compatible with their own social setup... as in a way it irons out a lot of the hiccups. After all, if a couple has the support of their families... it helps things a lot.
Then again... I can't say that i'm in favour of forcing someone to marry a person who they have a total aversion to. That'd be unfair, and of course the final veto in the situation should lie with the kids and not the family.
Re: Read this about Pakistan in the San Francisco Chronicle today
This phenomenon is so common in Britain--thankfully, it is receiving a lot of negative media attention. Perhaps that will prevent some people from forcing their daughters to marry against their will.
I live in the US, and I don't think I've ever heard of a case like this. Without sounding snobby, the truth is that most British Pakistanis are jahil, paindu and uneducated. They are unwilling to move forward and still hold on to primitive notions about culture and honor, etc. I once saw a documentary that said in Bradford (an overwhelmingly Pakistani town), over 55% of people were married to their first cousins. As a result, Pakistanis in Britain are 13x's more likely to have children with genetic diseases and birth defects as compared to the rest of the population. The infant mortality rate is several times higher amongst British Pakistanis than the average British person. Knowing what they know, they still refuse to give up their inbreeding. So once again, Britain has started a campaign to discourage first cousin marriages.
It'll take year of public education before British Pakistanis will see a difference. The only hope is that maybe the younger generation will break the cycle.
Re: Read this about Pakistan in the San Francisco Chronicle today
"You can take the Paki out of Pakistan... but you can't take Pakistan out of the Paki"
Call me conservative... but i'd like to think that... for good or for worse... it's these very same traits which we sometimes try to shrug off and ignore which make us so uniquely what we are... Desi!
I've been undergoing a bit of a transformation over the past year or so... and i've really come to appreciate the wisdom (if a little warped) of the ways of our elders.
Marriages are affairs which have a contribution from both those entering into the contract... as well as the families involved. The families have every right to choose someone who's compatible with their own social setup... as in a way it irons out a lot of the hiccups. After all, if a couple has the support of their families... it helps things a lot.
Then again... I can't say that i'm in favour of forcing someone to marry a person who they have a total aversion to. That'd be unfair, and of course the final veto in the situation should lie with the kids and not the family.
Family can act as a walli but ultimately it is the spouses who have to live together, not the families, and HENCE THE REASON Islam allows the people getting married the decision!
Re: Read this about Pakistan in the San Francisco Chronicle today
This is so sad...what's wrong with desis? between the forced marriages in Pakistan and the dowry atrocities of Bihar, may be they have a point calling us uncivilized