To be read (or sung) to the tune of Hotel California! (By the Eagles, Of Course.)
On a dark crowded highway
brylcreem in my hair
warm smell of parathas
rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
my eyes grew dim and my head grew light
I had to stop for the night
There they stood in the doorway
they were desis you could tell
I got out fearfully
all around us were buildings
Sun, SGI and Dell
I slowly unloaded my things
In the shadows of Intel
And still those parking lots were full of Hondas
waiting up in the middle of the night
to be driven home by programmers
Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
such a desi place, such a crazy place
we’re livin’ it up in the town of Sunnyvale
such a nice surprise, so many people with no lives
My heartstrings were twisted
I wanted to feel at home
where thousands of desis existed
and no white man dared roam
Sambar stains on the ceilings
mango lassis on ice
sit and watch the paint peeling
or make daal and boil rice
But my mind revolted
at the very thought
I grabbed my bag and bolted
I’d escape no matter what
And still those voices are calling from far away
wake you up in the middle of the night
I can hear them say
Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
such a desi place, such a crazy place
we’re livin’ it up in the town of Sunnyvale
such a nice surprise, so many people with no lives
I wake up in a cold sweat
thank god it was a dream
there is no need to fret
I still live in Houston
Oh, I still live in Houstoooooon !
To be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Is this a Bhuna?
Or is this a Jalfrezi?
Mixed up my order,
They all look the same to me
Open your gob,
Just swallow a forkful and see.
I'm just a student,
Need something real cheap to eat
Because I'm stoney broke
Not a bean
Don't remember
The menu I've seen
Korma, Saag or Madras
Doesn't really matter to me
To me...
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan
O Vindaloooooooo
(No no no no no non o no no No)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand well back
This loo's quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes, technicolor yawn
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
Up again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
So you think you can chunder and think it's alright?
So you think you can eat curry and drink all night?
Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here....
Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan or bhaji
Nothing makes a difference to me
To me
Anyway my wind blows.