Re-surfacing after some time

[soconfused]

Re: Re-surfacing after some time

@Ma_Mooli

This is not about giving them importance, in fact its about giving them a piece of your mind and letting them know what you think of their behaviour. but more importantly, you need closure. They played with your mind and feelings (with intent or not), you will still wonder what happened for many years on. It could affect your self esteem and trust in potential future rishtas.

There is no need to be confrontational, just ask casually (via text), 'by the way, do you remember the guy (your cousin) you set me up with a while back,well they seemed really interested but strangely we didnt hear back. it went quiet all of a sudden…do you know what happened?

she may say she doesnt know, or whatever, but ask her if she could find out for you. and when she does (even if you presume shes lying), you can simply reply well…we think there was something dodgy and disrespectful about the way they dissappeared, maybe they’ve got something to hide…etc. and tell her what you really think, and then end it with but thankfully I’ve moved on…to better places and people. Thank God, we didn’t pursue the rishta, imagine having to live with such people all your life.

end of discussion from your side.. regardless of what she replies.

dont worry, she will pass the message on.

I wouldn’t agree to meet or add her fb, just talk via text, it easier that way to refuse ignore, dismiss any personal questions from her.

I thought about it because what you said did make some sense to me but 1) I’m not close to this girl at all and the thought of being like “hey tell me what’s up” seems really weird since I’ve talked to her like 2x. 2) She’s the one that started this whole re-initiating contact business. I feel like it would make MORE sense for HER to be like “hey I know you were upset at me because of what happened (I mean HELLLLLOOOO, I deleted her and ignored her for a good 7 months till these recent developments) but here’s the deal: _____” She could’ve said anything but the fact that that she’s acting like NOTHING happened–especially not something shady–is really odd.

I know she’s going to pass back whatever goes on between us to her khala. That’s part of the reason I’d rather adopt silence instead of engaging them. They shut me out of everything when they wanted (and not once, but twice). To this day, I have no idea how the guy I talked to for a good 2-3 months went from being totally gung-ho about this union to cutting me off completely. Thus, I don’t think he or his family deserve to get a glimpse of what’s going through my mind. I’d rather that they sit there and wonder what happened with me–just like they made me do these past few months–than give them knowledge about me moving on/not moving on/going to med school/getting married.

As such, I ended up just responding with ‘iA’. Nothing more. It’s just acknowledging that if God wills, I’ll see her. If not then, I won’t. Nothing else.

**Ok firstly, there has to be no way that the girl couldn’t have known. If the rishta came through them, she has to have known!
**

TOTALLY. If she was driving ME crazy with trying to get this rishta to keep going on, then SURELY she must’ve also been talking to her own khala about the updates. Also, I know for a fact that they share everything with each other because somehow the guy would know where I’d been/who I’d been hanging out with since the girl would tell him immediately.

**The guys sister and I hit it off right away, she always said even if things dont work out we should still stay intouch **

This girl and her mother said the same thing to my mom. That “we’re like family”. Of course that means nothing because as soon as things took a turn for the worse the mother and cousin disappeared --even though we’re from the same community. Guess they didn’t want us asking as to why the guy’s parents flipped out when we asked for family info back home in Pak.

**

If she says salam, be cordial but don’t let your heart get into the matter. If they were that rude to not even say why they did what they did, your better off!

**

Unfortunately, I had let myself get attached to the guy and now I"m paying the price. This is why even though everyone’s telling me to brush it off / it’s not a big deal, I’m thinking so much about it. I’m one of those ppl that needs to take drastic steps to get over people which is why I blocked him on everythign and deleted all of his emails to me just so I wouldn’t look through them. I’m just gonna reject the cousin’s request and block her so I don’t have to sit there and look at the thing everyday.

Thanks guys for your advice. I know I sound like a stupid love sick puppy and, trust me, I thought I would be the LAST person in the planet to ever act like this over someone. :S