Re-marriage

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Um I think I opened this thread but my internet crashed so I don’t think it went through because I dont see it here on this page..but anyway..i was just curious/wondering, how is a wedding when the either/and the bride and groom are re-marrying (after getting divorced or widowed)? I know in gora weddings **in the past, **re-marriages were typically very low key and quiet for several reasons..wondering if the same goes in our culture, especially if a woman remarries, the dhoom-dhaam that was at her previuos wedding is not at there at the second wedding (etiher out of her own choice or just "laug kya kahein gaye mentality?)…

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Re: Re-marriage

well my cousin had a second marriage- he's quite a young fellow and his first wife was crayyyzeeyyy, hence the divorce, but his second marriage was just as much celebrated as the first one. even in gora people now, second marriages are not something to be kept quiet or celebrated low key-- maybe women don't wear white the second time around but theres definitely a party. i mean, a marriage is a marriage- and even though it might be his second, it doesn't mean its her second and vice versa. whomever is getting married should be able to celebrate as and how they please. so i think its a personal thing more than anything else... if you wanna keep it quiet, you do, if not, you go all out.

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Re: Re-marriage

Yeah with goras I dont imagine them going by that rule anymore, that htey HAVE to have a low key wedding second time around.. i'm wondering more abt
desi weddings..i dont know many ppl (nowadays) who've had second wedding..anyways i guess its not something to think abt, God forbid anyone ever end up in that situation..

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Re: Re-marriage

i guess it's up to the bride and groom, but i think that the person that was previoulsy married should allow their partner to have the day they want and be sensitive to their dreams about the day, even if they have been through it all before.

i think this is especially important for the bride who is marrying a divorcee, she will still want the big hoo haa, even though th groom may not but may feel pressurised into a small affair.

i think you should have a big celebration, as big as you would have had it, had it been your first marriage. It should symbolise your joy at being together despite the past. fresh start!!!!

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Re: Re-marriage

I also know lots of people who have had second some even third marriages, yes they are pakis too.

People get divorced, there are a lot of weird, crazy, nut jobs out there and for some reason lots in th UK. It's often an unavoidable situation... so what if they get married again?! a second chance at happiness, i see no wrong in that!

i love my fiancee and inshallah we will have a long happy marriage but god forbid i ever get divorced but if i did, i hope i would find a second chance at happiness and re-marriage.

Asians give divorcees a hard time, they don't have the plague, some people are just unfortunate and don't meet their soulmates, better to be divorced than in a loveless depressive fake marriage.

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Re: Re-marriage

We have a family friend (desi) whose husband was a total nut job, needless to say she got divorced a few years into the marriage, and had a baby daughter. Her seccond marriage was to a man who was also divorced, and they had a beautiful elaborate wedding, and their kids were very much a part of the ceramonies. I remeber it has one of the sweetest weddings i've ever been to.

And then there is my chachi's sister who got married a seccond time, and it was a very small ceramony with just family and really close friends, but thats becasue the bride wanted it that way, it wasn't any less celebated, there wasn't any less love, just smaller and less elaborate.

I guess it has a lot to do with what people want, i'm not sure there is a desi consensos to it.

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Re: Re-marriage

yeah, i agree, ramsha... but like LJ said there definitely is a taboo surrounding divorces even these days and that probably dictates for some people how the second marriage is celebrated (or not). its very sad... i think people need to adopt more of a "live and let live" mentality than a "bash someone cos their life didn't work out" mentality. nobody wants to be divorced when they get married- they all envision a long, happy life with their partner. sometimes, it doesn't work out. doesn't mean they should be treated like outcasts.

and then also, what if you're a widow/er? does that mean your second chance at happiness shouldn't be celebrated?

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Re: Re-marriage

I think u guys are also forgetting the other reason for a second marriage.. Death.. :(

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Re: Re-marriage

^ even in that situation Sara, some people still feel that a seccond marriage needs to be some sort of somber event.

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Re: Re-marriage

people are busybodies... they need to mind their own businesses and let others get on with it already! :p

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Re: Re-marriage

Well, thats where I think it's very sensitive and somewhat more difficult to handle than a divorcee's mariage.....Iv'e heard of guys remarrying les than a year (sometimes only months!) after their wife dies, whereas its more difficult for women to remarry... kinda sad

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Re: Re-marriage

yeah... i find in my experience women really do get shafted after being widowed or divorced... its like nothing happens to the guys reputation, no matter how much of an asshole he was to his former wife (if thats the case), but the girl always gets blamed and stuck with the second-hand man. this is in typical pakistani society though... outside of pakistan, i think anything goes.

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Re: Re-marriage

Yeh i totally agree with this.
With regards to widowers, grief is a very personal thing and its down to the person as and when they feel ready to move on or if they meet sum1 else. I dont think theres a set time limit on it.

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Re: Re-marriage

my aunt remarried coz she was devorced after 6 month after her shadi... her 2. marriage was as huge the 1. one! i think she deserved it! and why not?

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Re: Re-marriage

I think people who re- marry have the right to be happy as well and there is nothing wrong in getting married again its just a phase of life...anyway well a friend of mine who is actually a few months elder then me and has three more siblings (one elder and two younger then her)..her dad got married again and that to with style - so there..

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Re: Re-marriage

I think it has a lot to do with the age of the couple.

The couple is still relatively young (20's-mid 30's) then nowadays I don't think most families would object to hosting a relatively ornate wedding. The weddings I have been to like that have all been full shaadis with all the rusoom...perhaps toned down a little, but still defnitely a big party.

But if the couple is older...even I don't think it would look right. Can you seriously imagine a 40-50 year old auntie with javaan children from her first marriage, sitting mayoun and dressing up in a full red jora and jewelry for the shaadi?

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Re: Re-marriage

well maybe she wouldn't sit mayoun and maybe she wouldn't wear red, maybe she'd opt for a lighter color, but she should still definitely celebrate her new union! unless she doesn't care for it... its such a personal thing, you know? it should be up to the couple.

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Re: Re-marriage

Well what if it's a 30-40 (if tahts even possible) year old woman getting married for the first time? Would it look ridiculous if she was all dressed up and everything? I mean maybe it would ridiculous but then again this is where the "laug kya kahein gaye" desi mentality comes from...That if it's a second marriage (after divroce) then why do it wiht so much dhoom dhaam because if ur first marriage failed than this might fail too? Thats my take on what their thinking would be...

I just remmeber this picture that was posted in the bridal pics thread (the locked one), there was an older woman wearing a yellow jora, duputta on her head, and she looked olddddd...I think every1 said that she wasnt the bride..

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Re: Re-marriage

Here’s an older couple getting (re?)married. I think they did a nice job of keeping it toned down so they don’t look ridiculous.

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Re: Re-marriage

where?