Re-evaluation, Abstinence and Repentence

Society Religion & Philosophy
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:salam:

i read somewhere that wrong deeds n sin r a daldal…whats the english word…yeh…SWAMP…

the more u enter it, the deeper u go into it and then slowly those bad deeds seem OK to u …coz u r surrounded by them and thats what ur world n social circle becomes…ur standards and morals decline and ur definition of right and wrong itself changes…

the underlying guilt is always there hidden somewhere deep…but its difficult then to take two steps back and see objectively and say hey this what i am doing is so messed up and i need to get a hold of myself and revert back to being a good Muslim

my questions are

  • how do you know if this change is not just u evolving to changed circumstances and realitities? will the morals that u had as a child, which were based on ideals but not practicalities, carry you through life? or should the ideal morals also be the practical ones?

  • you form human relationships on the way with people who r part of that bad world too… and those relationships are not insincere and those ppl r not bad at heart, they just have bad habits…i mean u care abt these ppl n they care abt u…but being in these relationships, you continue to be dragged into the bad world n company affects obviously…

then, when you want to cleanse urself and move out of this world, what do u about the relationships u formed? u cut off…? break ppl’s hearts…?

  • is it ever possible to do tobah and go back to the condition of purity…or has that inner peace been lost permanently?

hope this makes sense :mudhosh:

shukran wa salam

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Re: Re-evaluation, Abstinence and Repentence

:wsalam:

the two other questions u asked were too philosophical for a person with very LIMITED knowledge like Me, so I hope there will be 10ths of intelligent people who will answer u properly… but as for what I quoted from u, IT IS POSSIBLE CUZ ALLAH SAYS SO in many places in QURAN; For instance:

:bism:

39:53 Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. **for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” **

Az-Zumar (The Groups)

Now, remeber:) when this ayah says ALLAH forgives all sins, it does not include “SHIRK” if a person dies in the state of shirk.. If he makes sincere tauba while alive in this world, it will be forgiven, but any other sin after death can be forgiven too, only if ALLAH wants:flower1:

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Re: Re-evaluation, Abstinence and Repentence

Irem,

Walaikum Assalaam :flower1: A rather serious post. :~( Sab khariyat hai?

Practical morals aren’t always necessarily the ‘right’ ones. i mean to say kai, yes they are practical for THIS world - but not always morally correct for the next world. So therefore they cannot be right.

ugh. If i am confusing you more, let me know okay.

Which inner peace are you referring to – the one from childhood? i think AQ gave an appropriate response to this last query of yours. i don’t think anyone would lose inner peace “permanently”, or at least no one should lose the hope that Allah will Forgive all their previous sins (and therefore you start off in a condition of purity with a clean slate) [unless one commits shirk, as AQ pointed out]. Remember that ayat, Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find satisfaction. He is Always Forgiving … try to keep the hope that unless one has committed a ‘major major’ sin, during one’s lifetime it is never too late to offer tobah and Insha’Allah it will be accepted.

My answers are really vague i realize, i dunno if that helps. :flower1:

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thanks for the replies u guys :flower1:

AQ jazakallah for that…

Nadia thoray boht maslay masail to chaltay hi rehtay hayn ya know :smiley: lekkin yup sub khairiyat hay alhamdulillah :hug:

hmmm yaar this thing u said abt practical and right..its easier said that done nadia… :frowning: like honestly…sometimes when u see something that all ur friends r doing n encouraging u to do as well, but in ur mind u have this hang up k NO i am not gona n its WRONG coz of moral reasons…then what is that? is that just u being prudish n a worry wart or shud u really stand for what u believe and let everyone around u think u r a weirdo?? specially coz u have seen that that approach is practically not beneficial…n log ye bhee to kehtay haen na k insan ko zamanay k saath chalna chahiyay…
:konfused:

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nadia yaar also tell me..what do u think abt this?

*
- you form human relationships on the way with people who r part of that bad world too... and those relationships are not insincere and those ppl r not bad at heart, they just have bad habits...i mean u care abt these ppl n they care abt u...but being in these relationships, you continue to be dragged into the bad world n company affects obviously...

then, when you want to cleanse urself and move out of this world, what do u about the relationships u formed? u cut off...? break ppl's hearts...?
*

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Re: Re-evaluation, Abstinence and Repentence

Irem I wont be wrong in saying …aap ko reverse cultural shock lag raha hai…

Or
may be I dint read the whole thing.:slight_smile:

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Re: Re-evaluation, Abstinence and Repentence

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
i read somewhere that wrong deeds n sin r a daldal...whats the english word...yeh...SWAMP...

[/QUOTE]

QUICKSAND wud be a better word i think....

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
- how do you know if this change is not just u evolving to changed circumstances and realitities? will the morals that u had as a child, which were based on ideals but not practicalities, carry you through life? or should the ideal morals also be the practical ones?

[/QUOTE]

what do u mean by practical morals????
lets take an example....
'honesty' is a good thing....
all parents teach their children to be honest....
but how many of them end up sticking to honesty????
i guess they think that honesty wont work for them always....
u find them cheating in their exams, u find them cheating in job/business....
and they just consider all this to be a 'practical' way of living....
i mean what do i get by being honest and failing the test????
lying to the customer, just to get my things sold, aint a bad thing, its just practical????
i think 'being practical' is just a label to make ourselves less guilt riddden....
as chacha ghalib wud say...
dil ke khush rakhnay ko ghalib ye khayal accha hai

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
- you form human relationships on the way with people who r part of that bad world too... and those relationships are not insincere and those ppl r not bad at heart, they just have bad habits...i mean u care abt these ppl n they care abt u...but being in these relationships, you continue to be dragged into the bad world n company affects obviously...

then, when you want to cleanse urself and move out of this world, what do u about the relationships u formed? u cut off...? break ppl's hearts...?

[/QUOTE]

i think working on them and trying to 'cleanse and purify' them too wud be a better option....
instead of ruling out the good examples set by our ancestors (of how they got their bad neighbors turned good) by saying 'we just cant be like them', we shud try to work harder and actually pull these 'friends' towards our side....
if they can pull us to their side, so can we....

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
- is it ever possible to do tobah and go back to the condition of purity...or has that inner peace been lost permanently?

[/QUOTE]

u know what they say, its never too late to ammend....
a story, a true one ofcourse, tells of a certain robber who had been into bad practice all his life....
he entered a house one night, intending to rob, and heard the dweller read the following verse....
Quran 57:16
Is not the time ripe for the hearts of those who believe to submit to Allah's reminder and to the truth which is revealed....
his heart was touched, he went out crying and saying "yes My Lord, it is the time"....
surely u r better than him....

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Irem meri behan :hug: Eik baat bataoun, sometimes it’s not necessary to completely break off those friendships in which you want to cleanse yourself. Thora bahaut baat cheet rakh sakta hai banda, uss kai agay jaanay ki koi zaroorat nahin hai.

However, i know exactly what you are talking about; i used to have friends like that during highschool. Infact, they were a pretty negative influence on me. i couldn’t keep the friendship with them and at the same time be guilt-free about stuff that they were doing. i just didn’t agree with it. So yes, i broke the friendships and i had to break it completely. My Ammi still asks me about it, kai why aren’t you in contact with falan friends, they’re always calling/e-mailing you etc. Even she doesn’t know what they were like, she’s got a good clean image of them and i don’t want to gossip about anyone so i don’t tell her what they are really like. There are other people like that, some of them my cousins, aur i haven’t told anyone about stuff that they do; i just keep it to myself. Salaam waghera tak our friendship has remained, but beyond that i really don’t want to be involved in their lives anymore to the point that their actions begin to affect me. You mentioned ‘do you break peoples’ hearts’. Haan :frowning: But there is no other feasible alternative is there? Wouldn’t you rather sleep at night with a clean conscience rather than keep someone else’s heart happy by partaking in whatever they’re doing that’s making you feel more and more guilty?

Zamanay kai saath chalnay main yeh khatra hai, Irem, kai zamana bahaut badal raha hai and accordingly our standards for “right” and “wrong” keep fluctuating. If you try to keep up with the zamana, you will never find one resting place, one constant standard that will fit you. Ten years ago what was NOT considered acceptable by Pakistani society, is now considered completely acceptable. Five years from now, who knows how the society will change and peoples’ attitudes towards things will change. There’s this trend amongst Muslims to be a “social drinker” and it’s not that heavily frowned upon now - this is a reflection that people are changing with the times. Tum hamesha agar zamanay kai saath chalo gi, then you will constantly feel as though you are being swept along. But if you steer your actions according to what is right and wrong in Islam, then that standard will never change. :flower1: i’m not saying you should be prudish and a worry wart, bilkul nahi :flower1: There are lots of ways to have fun and enjoy yourself without having to compromise your morals. If you feel in your heart that something is wrong, trust your instincts :flower1: That is your conscience speaking to you. Listen to it.

:flower1: Remember that, one day, our friends will not be around for us when we have to answer to Allah for our deeds. No one will be there on our defense, not even our parents who will be scared themselves. Tau if something is really really bothering you on the inside, that’s probably your conscience telling you that this is not right. i know it’s hard, you don’t want to be called prudish or a worry wart, but yaar - my advice is, just listen to your conscience and ask yourself, If Allah Ta’ala was right infront of me, would i still do this thing? Would Allah be pleased with what my friends are doing? If the answer is ‘no’, then you know what you have to do :~(

i really hope that helps. Zaida tension mat lo, have fun, enjoy yourself, relax. This is the time of your life that you should be content and happy Insha’Allah. :~) You are a great person on the inside and i am sure you will always try to do what is right Insha’Allah.

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PKC thanks for your reply…yup i did get a reverse culture shock i guess…did u as well?

armughal bhai…thanks for your reply…
if you want to work on someone and make them better, then you must be an excellent example yourself [which i am not :-/] and you should be emotionally very strong and firm [again which i am not :-/] i think i always get influenced by others rather than influencing others…
plus, what do u think about the hadeeth that it is better to have no company than to have bad company…

Nadia :hug: thanks so much for caring enuf n spending ur time in thinking and writing such a detailed reply :flower1: :hug:
hmmm…yaar u mashallah took a very good step by cutting contact with people who u thought were having a bad effect on u…trust me i tried that once yaar n it was a tuff decision but i did, but i always get these pangs of guilt becos i know that those ppl really sincerely care for me and r hurt by my actions…plus i dont want them to think i am heartless coz i care abt them too n i dont want them to think i dont care abt them…u get me yaar? :frowning: so i always break my resolve n go back… :bummer: which i dont think is good…coz then i’m stuck in the same cycle…n yaar Allah wants us to do good deeds but Allah also wants us not to break other ppls hearts…so what do we do? :frowning: its soooooooo tough yaar :teary2:

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Irem...

Read from the last paragraph of page 48...

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Not to mention, it's my belief, that you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life...If you can be content with your own company, then you can be content with anyone...

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jazakallah