Raza and Fariha: Love in the Time of War
Sameen Khan | Special to Review
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As an introduction to this article, we first direct your attention to a verse from the Holy Qur’an. In the sadly divisive times of the early 21st century, we should read the verse and remember that human beings have been created to know each other rather than to hate and despise each other. When two people from different countries, different backgrounds and different religions meet and marry, the influence is like a wave, breaking on shores far from the waters which gave it birth.
Each of the two comes from a family and a community which will learn and benefit from the marriage and the experiences of both. No doubt certain things will appear unusual and strange but they will be explained and from explanation will ultimately come acceptance and understanding. And where there is understanding, there will not be blind prejudice, intolerance or hatred produced by ignorance. Read the verse carefully and consider what it says as well as what it implies.
“O Mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)” — The Qur’an (59:13)
When Richard Kirker came to Alkhobar during the Gulf War with the American Army, he never dreamed that he would come back 12 years later for the most important event in his life — his marriage.
“I had no knowledge of Islam and found Saudis very rude. Returning to Saudi Arabia was thus not something that I had considered.” But destiny had something else in store for Richard. He not only became a Muslim but met a Pakistani girl, Fariha, who impressed him enough to follow her to Saudi Arabia to get married.
The story is like a page from a fairy tale. Fariha had never been to the United States, having lived mostly in Alkhobar where her parents had lived for over 20 years. Richard — now Raza — grew up in a small town in Ohio with no exposure to either Islam or Pakistan.
Fate brought them together at the Islamic Center of Columbus, Ohio. Fariha had by now joined her brother in America. Richard left the army, got a master’s degree and was working for IBM. He also experienced something unexpected — a yearning to learn about other religions. As a result, he enrolled at the Islamic Center where he met Babar, Fariha’s brother, and they became good friends. In 2001 Richard became a Muslim. Now he was hoping to marry a Muslim girl.
“I never dreamt that Raza would become my son-in-law.” the girl’s father said. “I was present at his shahada and even helped him pick his Islamic name.“I never in my wildest imagination thought I would marry a 6’3” white American male,” said Fariha. “Hey, I hadn’t even met a Pakistani woman, let alone thought of marrying one,”said Raza. “I saw her whenever I went to her brother’s house. I didn’t tell them of my interest or intentions. I was especially impressed by her simplicity, strong character and moral values.”
In 2004 she completed her studies and returned to Alkhobar. “When she left, I realized that I really wanted to marry her. I also had to move quickly or some- body else would beat me to it. I called her father and asked for his daughter’s hand. I also sent a long email setting out my intentions.”
The father was very reluctant.
“I was afraid; after all, Pakistanis are culturally very different from Americans but his letter convinced me.” Raza’s letter was very moving. He spoke about his interest in Islam, how he was moved by Islam’s beauty and simplicity and how he was impressed by Fariha’s character and charm. He wrote about doing his best to keep her happy.
Raza and Fariha had a traditional Pakistani wedding on May 27. “It was very festive and informal. I loved it.” Raza said. “But I was also surprised by some of the things.” What surprised Raza the most was that he never got to meet his wife till the day of his Nikah. “I was also surprised,” Raza added, “how the bride did not really participate in her wedding. She just sat quiet and still, looking down as if it were something scary.”
Raza loved his clothes. “They are so comfortable and beautiful.” He was most impressed by the warmth that he received from everyone. “Everyone is so cordial, so caring and warm. I’m overwhelmed by their love. I feel like a prince.”Raza was also impressed by how Alkhobar had grown. But unfortunately for Raza, he did not get to see Saudi Arabia as he had planned.
The day after his valima on May 29, the terrorist attack took place. He was quickly moved from his hotel to his in-laws’ apartment and hasn’t gone out much. “I feel bad that the color of my skin has become a problem for my in-laws who are very concerned about my safety. I just stay indoors. Now I know how women live here,” Raza said with a smile. “I’ve put on five pounds already from eating all day and not exercising. I also remembered what my mother told me when I was coming here. She said, ‘Son, don’t get killed over there.’”
Fariha is happy to have Raza by her side 24/7. Since the divorce rate in the US is allegedly 50 percent, did she ever have second thoughts of marrying an American? “Because he is a Muslim, I have no fear. Raza is very sweet, understanding and easy to get along with. He has adjusted really well to my family. I would not have married him if my family had been opposed.” Theirs sounds like a fairy tale so may they live happily ever after!
http://www.arabnews.com/?page=21§ion=0&article=47272&d=25&m=6&y=2004