I’m not sure which forum this goes in, since it’s political as well as family structure related. But I’ll put it here for now.
I was reading a book by a French demographer (Emmanuel Todd) last night, he made reference for about 2-3 pages to the diverse forms of family structure in the Muslim world.
One that stood out was the following analysis of the rate of marriages that were between first cousins.
Most Muslim countries had rates between 25% and 35%.
Why is the rate so much higher in Pakistan than elsewhere? First cousin marriages are not, I believe, common in Hindu india, so we can’t blame leftover cultural values from there. We can’t say there’s a religious cause for it either, because the rate is much lower in Saudi Arabia (where Islam originally spread from), in Iran (the only country rules by ulema) and in Turkey (the last seat of the Khilafat).
What is it about Pakistani society in particular that drives the cousin-marrying to much higher levels than in other countries? Only Sudan had a greater rate than us.
I have had this conversation a fair few many times with my grandmother, and the only reason she can come up with is that "You can trust family." She has been proven wrong, but will never stop thinking this, my family have this notion that their daughters are meant to be so precious that we can not be trusted with "other" people.
My personal view..BS!
Im not saying its wrong to marry within family, i just don't understand how just because they your family your meant to trust them more than some next person.
It has to do with the parents. Parents feel comfortable with someone that they already know rather then bring in a person that they dont know. You know the girl/guy since birth, so it makes it easy for them rather than to look for a person that you dont know at all.
May be it has to do with the fact that alot of people is Pakistan are not that close to their cousins. I grew up with my cousins so, i cant even think about it. But for many people marying a cousine is same as marying any girl/guy that you dont know.
both my bhabis r first cousins of my brothers. marrying inside family is very common in my family. thats usually the first option considered, and only if there aren't suitable matches avlbl, do we look outside.
ive seen positive and negative cases both.
personally i think its a sweet idea, i mean u'll be around familiar surroundings and there's going to be a security net around u of elders and relatives. plus in most families it brings the families closer. its specially good for the kids, gives them a lot of security.
proudpakistani even if have grown up with ur cousins, lets say you grew up calling your cousin bhai, what does it matter? coz at the end of the day u know very well that he is after all not ur real bhai and u r only calling that cousin "bhai" out of respect coz he's older.
My father and my mother is cousins and i think it gros and i also think that it isent right to marry your cousin.I would have never married my cousin if i hade any cousins, because i think that cousins is almost like a brother or sister , but thats my opinion.But i have respect for those who is married with their cousins , but i dont think its right.
I agree Irem. Just that I was thinking about my cousines that are here with us, compared to the cousines that are in UK or Pakistan that i havent seen much. I was saying it about myself because i hang out with the cousines that i have here, and we share each others secrets. I guess its scary cause they know too much about you. hehe. But anyways, the age of marriage us usually soo different for guysand girls, cause all my girl cousines that are my age got married a while ago.
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*Originally posted by proudpakistani: *
May be it has to do with the fact that alot of people is Pakistan are not that close to their cousins.
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Is this correct? I was told before that Muslims marrying cousins is not viewed as it is in the west because the relationships between cousins in the Muslim world differs from the western world, in the west cousins are closer while growing up while this is not the case in the Muslim world, your statement seems to confirm that.
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*Originally posted by proudpakistani: *
I agree Irem. Just that I was thinking about my cousines that are here with us, compared to the cousines that are in UK or Pakistan that i havent seen much. I was saying it about myself because i hang out with the cousines that i have here, and we share each others secrets. I guess its scary cause they know too much about you. hehe. But anyways, the age of marriage us usually soo different for guysand girls, cause all my girl cousines that are my age got married a while ago.
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:-) you're right there
the secrets sharing part is specially dangeous :D haha
Maddy, how did the author of the book got his numbers? I have never heard of any such surveys being done in Pakistan. If it's like Gallop poll kind of sampling than I am not so sure about the results, mainly because you can’t do sampling unless you know really well about the population itself. Also what years/decade these numbers refer to?
And to pick one reason to figure out any trait among human beings generally leads to wrong answers. I believe the trend to marry within one’s cousins depends on a lot of things, more so a combination of the answers in this thread.
I would commit suicide before I married anybody who even had one ounce of blood that linked us together. If you are female and part of the family you are asexual.
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*Originally posted by proudpakistani: *
Sir Galahad, every human being in this world came from single man and woman. According to your logic, everyone in this world is asexual to you?
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lol good point.
I think people usually stick to cousin marriages, because its easier.Although dont know how true this info is that maddy posted.
Muslim_Queem, I think it depends on the area. In big cities, I dont think its that common. But in small villiages, specially in NWFP (where I am from) I think that its even higher than that. Most of my cousins married within the family, whether it was near relative or a little distant relative.
