I think I’m a pretty progressive mom when it comes to rasing my boys. I want them to learn how to take care of themselves and be independent. And I think that one of the worst traits a parent can impart to a child is the attitude of “enitlement” - the attitude that things whould be done for them and that things should be given to them,
I know some older kids now, late teen/early 20s (both desi and non) who just exhude this trait and it really bothers me. By the time a kid goes to college, he should be able to make himself a simple breakfast and lunch, keep his room neat, do his laundry. NOT ask someone else to do it for them (actually asking but with the expectation of having it done). AND going about nice leisure activities while these things are done for them!!! Laughing about how they cheat on exams and homework. And I wont even start on how they treat female peers (behind their backs of course).
If any of mine asked someone else to do these these things for them, I’d call them home immediately. And stand over them while they learned to do for themselves. Sheesh, being a moocher is the worst thing to be, most especially in USA and I’ll be darned if any of my boyz will ever be labelled with being a freeloader. OR a horndog.
When parents do everything for their boys, they’re doing damage and raising damaged goods I think. And these damaged boys have no clue that people see right through it. When you project it ou a few years, imagine them in the working world. I think we have all seen at least one or two of these - people who take credit for the work of others, who dump their work on others…and never get ahead. Because once again, people see them for what they are.
I think girls are somewhat exempt from tthis particular problem, I could be wrong there because I dont have much exposure to girls. But the more I see of this with the college-age boys, he harder I work on my own boys.
Agree or no? And what would some of your strategies be here? With both the young boys and the college boys?
I would take a step further than that and instill this in my son's overall attitude. the reason people treat others badly is because they have a sense of entitlement and they aren't getting what they feel they are entitled to. i've seen some desi men who are so spoiled, that they don't care about anybody else's feelings other than themselves. they are selfish. because they have been raised to think they are little princes, they expect everybody else to treat them like a God too. When that doesn't happen, all hell can break lose cause they aren't getting what they feel entitled to. They aren't taught to look at their own behaviour and the consequences of their selfish actions.
So I will inshallah take it a step further than that. my son is my little prince, but he's going to be taught, inshallah, that he can't go around treating people like crap just cause his mommy loves him and will always love him.
hope that makes sense.
Edit: I just re-read your post. I thought you had limited it to housework only but see you went deeper than that.
I think it is equally important for both boys and girls....
and this really comes with the type of household they come from...a household where both parents take equal responsibilities and these values are instilled in the children from the very beginning...it makes the kids know what is the right way to do things and that everything at home and in the world cannot and will not be presented to them in a platter....
In my college years I had seen girls who used to literally live like pigs....it was disgusting...always made me wonder what kind of homes do they come from...
I think same must go for boys too...
When parents are doing everything for their kids,both boys and girls,indeed they are not doing them any good ...