Raising Balanced Children

[Muzna]

I found the quotation shown below on Yasmin’s FB page and thought it was an excellent summary of something that we have previously discussed here. We’ve talked about the gender inequality that exists in our desi society and the fact that boys are brought up with different freedoms than girls. We’ve talked about why boys are given a “free pass” when it comes to certain expectations while girls are held to a much higher standard.

Yasmin makes a great point that we have all previously agreed upon. But the question remains…how?

I’ve noticed two different extremes in our community. On the one extreme, we have cultures that leave the kids (sons) with no boundries. They grow up running wild and often lack respect/ manners (adab). But they learn independence and courage, and when it’s necessary to take a stand, they are able. Then on the other extreme we have cultures that raise their kids to never think for themselves, to be totally dependent on the parents to decide how they live, what they study, and even who they marry. Everything is dictated for the kids including what they should think, feel, and do. These kids grow up to have excellent adab (manners) and respect for elders–but lack courage, independence and backbone. They become like robots following as they are programmed. When the time comes to take a stand, they are unable to, due to fear of going against the social and cultural norms dictated to them their entire life. Controlled by fear and shame, they don’t dare step ‘out of line’ from what’s expected of them by society.
Somehow we need to come back to balance. We need to raise our children to be dutiful, but not conformists. Courageous, but not rebellious. Independent thinkers, but not transgressors. Respectful, but not weak. – Yasmin Mogahed