Raise good Muslim kids??

[NaZoo]

I’m having this problem right now.

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I do think that there are some things you have to do no matter what. One of them is praying. I just think it’s very important, and there’s no point in calling yourself a Muslim if you don’t pray. Also, I think that boys/men should pray in the mosque, no questions asked. That’s just the way it’s done, to me.

Now, my parents are out of the country, and I’m responsible for my younger siblings. I have two brothers, 16 and 13 who normally go to the mosque every Friday for the noon prayer. They used to go to the mosque for every single prayer except Fajer/morning prayer, but then they stopped going and I guess my parents tried with them but they wouldn’t go. I don’t even know if they pray at home.

Anyway, the Friday prayer is one they always go to no matter what (when my parents are here). Today, the 16 year old locked himself in his room when he slept last night and he wouldn’t listen when I told him to go to the mosque this morning. He started threatening me to leave him alone or I’d be sorry tomorrow. I got the 13 year old to go, but only by threatening not to drop him off the next time he was going out to see his friends.

My question is, mainly for those of you who are parents, how do you make sure that your kids actually practice their religion? My father is a practicing Muslim, and he would take them to the mosque with him when they were younger for every prayer, so it’s not like going to the mosque is something foreign for them. It’s just that when they grew up they started to get more stubborn and it’s not easy to make them do things. He’d remind them to go to the mosque when he’s on his way out to the mosque, but usually they wouldn’t bother going, or they’d pretend they went and lie about it.

If you’re already a good role model for your child, and you advise them as to how they are expected to behave and what they are expected to do, and yet after that they don’t follow through, what are you supposed to do? Should you punish them? Because if you punish them, they’ll just resent you for it and even start to resent the fact that they are part of this religion. And the thing is, they’re not kids anymore. They can think for themselves. They completely understand that they’re doing something wrong. They’re teenagers.

I just want to know, how do you ensure that you raise good Muslim kids??

I don’t want my kids to turn out this way. I’d be insistent that my husband and I set a good example for them, but from personal experience, it looks like sometimes even that doesn’t work. I do think that religion is a personal choice, but I still can’t accept the idea of sitting back and letting my kids just not practice. I don’t like the idea of having to force it on them either though.

[malhot]

Re: Raise good Muslim kids??

Kids go through various stages, in teenage they become rebellious, to any rules or norms..

Rather then force them or threaten them, lead by example and be a good practising moslem. As they grow older they will become good moslems.

[Submission_To_Peace]

Re: Raise good Muslim kids??

I faced the same problem with my younger brothers as it used to take me alot of time to convince them to go with me to Masjid.

Two things I learned from guidence of scholars, which worked

1. Give them small gifts everytime you return home from shoping etc. The gift doesn't have to be expensive but only your way to tell them that you love and care about them. This would help you in making your place in their heart. (It would be preferable if you judge what gift would make them excited, if given at once )

2. We need to realize that the present generation is not like the one in the past. This generation is of internet and cable TV. You can't force them to do anything. Just be polite, soft and caring, by occasionally telling them a hadith regarding the benefits of praying in masjid. But do consistantly request them once at the time of every prayer. The repetition of words would play the magic and a time would come when they won't be able to ignore their inner guilt. ( but it should be done with minimum words, at the "right" time, but no lectures)

3. At night when everyone goes to sleep, sit on the prayer mat and pray to Allah with tears of sincerity for your relatives. The heart of every one is in the control of Allah and Allah turns it to anyside when a relative begs for it. ( It is preferable at night because Allah says that at the time of tahajjud, I come down to the first sky and announce that " IS there anyone who wants anything from me, so that I may grant him")

p.s. The above has done wonders for me. Alhamdulillah.

[USResident]

Re: Raise good Muslim kids??

@Submission_To_Peace

I faced the same problem with my younger brothers as it used to take me alot of time to convince them to go with me to Masjid.

Two things I learned from guidence of scholars, which worked

1. Give them small gifts everytime you return home from shoping etc. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive but only your way to tell them that you love and care about them. This would help you in making your place in their heart. (It would be preferable if you judge what gift would make them excited, if given at once )

2. We need to realize that the present generation is not like the one in the past. This generation is of internet and cable TV. You can’t force them to do anything. Just be polite, soft and caring, by occasionally telling them a hadith regarding the benefits of praying in masjid. But do consistantly request them once at the time of every prayer. The repetition of words would play the magic and a time would come when they won’t be able to ignore their inner guilt. ( but it should be done with minimum words, at the “right” time, but no lectures)

3. At night when everyone goes to sleep, sit on the prayer mat and pray to Allah with tears of sincerity for your relatives. The heart of every one is in the control of Allah and Allah turns it to anyside when a relative begs for it. ( It is preferable at night because Allah says that at the time of tahajjud, I come down to the first sky and announce that " IS there anyone who wants anything from me, so that I may grant him")

p.s. The above has done wonders for me. Alhamdulillah.

Good words.

I do not have teenage siblings or kids. My kids are in the kindergarten age or younger. However I have been thinking about rewarding with a quarter/nickel for everytime they pray (even though they do not completely know how yet). Probably a nickel if they do the actions and a quarter once they learn. However it will not be only for the money. I will also explain to them this reward is from your parents however Allah SWT also rewards in much more than nickels and quarters. This is so they do not learn to do things only for money but enough to provide incentive and get them in the habit of saving. At this young age they need to see something tangible.

[Submission_To_Peace]

Re: Raise good Muslim kids??

Walaikum Assalam brother. JazakAllah khair for the kind words. Actually the words of hadiths have a magical effect on the heart and if we tell them with "hikmah" to our younger ones, insha'Allah a word might act as a spark to light the fire of Imaan inside them. Because Internal force is more effective, powerful and long lasting than the external force

I know a case where previously the parents used to force the child to go to masjid for prayers, but once the child got addicted to the sweet taste of praying in the masjid, now the parents sometimes tell him to do other things and pray at home but he doesn't compromise on namaz in masjid, if there is any masjid around. (Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah)

May Allah bless us all with the strength and wisdom to learn and follow the way of Sunnah. Ameen.