For those of you who have been married for over 10 years, what have you done/or do to keep the “spark” alive in your marriage? How do you keep from getting stuck in a rut? Hubby and I have been married 13 years, mashallah, but lateley, it seems like we’ve lost something…it’s like, all we have to talk about is the kids & finances. We’re arguing about stupid things, and a odd distance has sprung up out of nowhere. Now granted, he’s not the best communicator, never has been, but it’s never been like this before.
We had a “love marriage”, and even up until about 5-6 years ago, he was still doing silly romantic things…but now, it’s like he’s turning into a grumpy old bhudda baba! When my mom was alive, we used to have regular “date nights” and even took a 7 day trip to Spain (which he planned on his own!), but now that Nani is no longer alive, it’s hard to find someone to help with the kids, and he absolutely will not trust a babysitter. Our anniversary is coming up over the Thanksgiving long weekend, and I asked him if we could go to San Francisco, just the two of us, (I suggested that we leave the kids with his mom & brother/bhabi who live in the same city as we do!)and he got really excited too and said “Haan, idea burra nahin hai! Baat kartahoon mai Bhai aur Mummy say…” umm..that was 6 weeks ago, and he still hasn’t asked them! Whenever I bring up the subject, he says “agar main poonchon aur wo manna kardain to phir mujhe gussa ayega, tho jaane do…” WTH!!! Why would they say no? Can’t he just explain to them he and I need some time together, it’s only 4 days, and thier kids are all in middle school/high school/ college and adore our boys! It’s not like I’m leaving a newborn baby with them.I can’t stand this anymore! I want my best friend back!
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
Maybees it's cos its 00.12 and im listening to Adele, but you made say 'awwwwwwwww' - that never happens!
Erm, can't you ask your mother in law yourself and organise the trip as a surprise? Or will that upset the husband?
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years…
my husband has a very weird and formal relationship with his family, My relationship with them is very basic and polite, but not warm and cozy unfortunately. my mother in law speaks very broken urdu, she predominately speaks kutchi/memoni, so communicating with her is not also easy for me. and even though my jaet and jetani are urdu speaking, they are just plain weird. you never know what you’re going to get with them..lol! so i understand his hesitation in asking,…it just sucks! i guess i’m just really missing having my mom around to talk to…i wish my sister (who my kids are extremely close to!)were here, than there would not have been an issue, as to where to leave the kids, but she lives in Dubai, and only comes back to visit during the summers…maybe I’m hitting a midlife crisis or something, I just feel so lost and frustrated and bored with life all of a sudden 
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
You appeared to have set your mind on a trip for just the two of you. At the same time, you have described it is nearly impossible to get someone to look after your boys. Looks like you are going out of your way to set yourself up for disappoinment.
Go for a special outing and take the kids along. And have fun.
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
Hmm...maybe gently try coaxing your husband to try and talk to his family again about 1-2 weeks before the anniversary. And if you can tell that he won't do it....see if you can drop of your kids with some trusted family friends. And then plan a wonderful surprise anniversary outing with your husband. It would be nice to have a change in scenery and go some place different (like to another state)...but it's not neccessary to travel too far away to have a romantic day, right? In fact, sometimes the distance (the exhaustion of traveling, packing, finding a hotel, etc) can put a "strain" on the time spent together. As the time draws nearer to your anniversary and you see that your husband isn't going to call....then come up with a really special local outing. Think outside of the box. If you usually go to a restaurant...make it a bit different. Try a new restaurant...for a change. Be creative in terms of gifts, etc.
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
"then come up with a really special local outing. Think outside of the box. If you usually go to a restaurant...make it a bit different. Try a new restaurant...for a change. Be creative in terms of gifts, etc."
Nice - problems solved.
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
^Well, Southie...you made a great point. She doesn't have to go too far to have a great anniversary.
Although I would try to find an arragement for the kids...because she mentioned that the kids is one of the things she and her husband usually talk about. So, they do need a break from them.
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
^RV - I was just highlighting your idea - that local outing to a place they have not been to before could be rejuvenating. Assuming this outing would take say half a day, the requirements for baby sitting should be easily met (rathen than plan for a week away from kids).
As always, your ideas are always better :)
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
I only had my mind set on going out of town because he told me that we had enough airline miles and to choose between SFO & NYC...he even told me to start looking into hotels. When I found some good deals, and was ready to make the booking, I asked him first if the arrangements had been made with the kids...this back and forth had been going on since early September!
Thanks RV for the good advice..I'm switching to "local mode" now and looking into maybe just booking a nice hotel suite in our area for one night...I'm pretty sure I can find a family friend to keep the boys for one day...
Re: Question for those who have been married 10+ years.....
Handcuffs. Then trip.