question for girls - weirdos in the office

Society Business and Career
1

everyone in the office is totally great and nice and the guys are friendly and helpful but mind their own business and respect female colleagues’ personal space…except ONE weirdo who almost whenever i look in that direction find staring :bummer: :bummer: :bummer: the guy has this like totally sleazy look :frowning: i dont think its even me, he prolly does it to any female in sight. i’m the only female in his line of vision as per the seating arrangement in the office right now.

i honestly feel sooooo uncomfortable :bummer: i cant even concentrate on my work sometimes. in the beginning i was really mad abt this but now it just makes me feel hecka weird n almost guilty or bad about myself i dono why :confused: i wana disappear or dissolve in my seat or something.

i dont know what to do though. its a weird kinda problem and i dont know who to talk to abt it. i dont wana talk to my female colleagues or my supervisor coz i dont want it to become a big issue.

i’m gona try and get my seat switched to some other section of the office with some excuse like the a.c. is giving me cold problems or something.

i am wondering though girls, how do u deal with such issues at ur workplace?

2

m glad i dont hav any issue of that kind at my office.. but mostly when it comes to business meetings n stuff .. u cant avoid such people.. they hav such a nasty gaze...khayr.. wut i do is to avoid them and ignore them as much as i can... like they dont even exist in this planet... (boy m i getting better at this or wut?!?! hehe )

3

Aleezay :frowning: :teary2: help me yaar :crying: this is so weird :bummer: :teary3: yuk :crying:

4

My cousin works near my office. He is a big guy and looks kinda like a tough guy. So I’ll tell him about this and I’ll ask him to come and have lunch with me in the office atleast once a week and give that guy some nasty glares. Maybe I’ll make up some lie and tell people at the office I’m engaged :confused: or start wearing a niqaab or something :confused:

Man I hate this whats the dude’s problem :crying:

5

hmmm. ive decided what to do. today at lunchtime i’m gona go up to the dude. say salam and talk to him like which dept r u in. how bad can he be, he’s a human being too right. i dont care what he thinks abt me.

and then ask him i saw u searching for stuff near my cubicle, r u looking for something there? i reckon if i develop a talking relationship with him he might become normal? :confused: i dono

if this doesnt work then i’m calling my cousin

wish me luck :bummer:

6

yeah Irem try to talk with him about it ... I can't stand such people ...i know how it feels :o and telling them ke you are engaged or married wont help ...jinn ko adat hoti hai they don't care about girl is married , have kids are aunty hee kioN naa hoo ...

7

Ummm… It may just be me, but I think there is a significant chance that he would take that as a sign of you being interested in him. It ALMOST sounds like you’re using the line “Are you seeing anything you like near my cubicle”?

I’d try and find a better way around it if I were you.

8

^agree with MS. My first reaction to what you put there, irem, was exactly the same MS's. That guy might get wrong impressions.

If you really want to talk to him, then you shud NOT ask him directly if he is searching for something, but just mention the problem. What about this as a starter:

"i find you very often looking/staring at my cubicle, and to be honest with you, it makes me feel uncomfortable. However, i might be wrong and what im thinking is total out of question,....maybe you can tell me...perhaps you are searching something, or maybe i can help you???"

9

^^

Damn that’s good :k:

10

Irem, listen to Mad Scientist, Nescio and Madhanee. Right now, there is no reason to let anyone else get involved. She just be very upfront about it and umeed hai wo sharminda ho ke aisa karna chor de. Good luck.

11

Heh. During my internship, this IT wala hazrat had this habit of staring at me and my co-internee. This got really annoying after a while.
One day my supervisor told me I had to work with Mr.Nadeeda, I said "no" flat out and explained I'm not comfortable with him.
Aaaa..I guess the big boys aren't used to lil girls saying no to them.
Oh well! I couldn't put my dignity at stake.

12

Pakistan me logoon ko ladies ko ghoorney ka buhat shoq hai, they do it like its their right... Most Pakistani women are now used to it, irem, in a matter of time you will get used to it too.

13

typical pakistani behavior..ek number k taroo :)

14

I would second Madhanee. Also, when you say that make sure you take TWO male and ONE female coleagues along with you. Do it as a team. So this way rumor mill doesn't get rolling.

15

The easiest way to handle this (if you don't want to mooN lag'ng every aira ghaira natho khaira in this world) is to apply, whats known as the "Angry-Stare-Missile. Hard. Angry. Piercing staring for 5-10 seconds. Don't blink. Have a distasteful look on your face. Don't say anything. Make sure your stare doesn't come across as inquisitive or interested. Just an angry stare which conveys the impression that he is a jackass and you are angry at him.

Practice this stare at home in front of the mirror, first. Once you "Fire" the Angry-Stare-Missile on another person, he should back down in less than 5 seconds. Get your cousin involved if that doesn't happen, because now you know the weirdo has all the signs of a pest.

This Angry-Stare-Missile will come really handy not only at work, but also in market, restaurants, and any other place where you bump into weirdos. You don't wanna go and chit chat with each of them to find out "sabb khairiat hai na".

16

I have been out of Pak for a while now, and I am assuming sexual harassment is not on a high burner in Pak organizations and corporations. People are not aware of these issues much and pooh pooh such issues as more of inter-personal skills and leave it to the employees (girls in most cases) to handle the stuation themselves. There is a lack of corporate culture to make sure all employees understand the seriousness of such weirdo behavior and making sure there is a appropriate working atmosphere for all employees.

17

:mad3: Freaking sick pervert. This is why i wish i had an older brother; if i ever got into a situation like that, just send my bro over.

calming down hmm acha waisay Madhanee had some great advice. If you have the courage to do that, definitely go for it in my opinion.

This world is full of sickos :mad:

18

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Madhanee: *
**Nadia dear. You don’t “need” your Older brother” or your grandpa (I mean it with all respect) to handle these issues. Your parents didn’t spend so much effort and money on your upbringing and education for you to depend on your “brothers” for such situations. Just remember that the givers of harassment are also someone’s brothers. You need to learn to put them in a fkin grinder on your own. And you are more than capable of doing that. My wife travels all over the world (she is going to Pakistan in two weeks) then to Chili, then to Bangladesh, and I have total faith in her to handle any difficult situation (not that she needs my faith in her). Having a penis does not make anyone more powerful than those who don’t.
[/QUOTE]
*

True.

19

Thanks a lot for your replies everyone.

I just saw this thread since I posted in it yesterday.

Good thing I didn’t do the go over and talk to him thing at lunch yesterday which I was planning to when I last posted coz I just did not feel like talking to the weirdo…yesterday I just moved my monitor and positioned my chair in such a way that the weirdo won’t be able to see my face lol. But it looked weird plus I wasn’t able to use the computer properly coz my monitor and keyboard weren’t aligned…so this is not a permanent solution…

I talked to some friends of mine who work too and they had different advice for me ranging from ‘ignore him completely and just forget that someone is staring at you and he’ll stop soon, its just coz u r new that this is happenning’ to ‘go and talk to him’ to ‘complain to your boss’. Everyone told me to not get my cousin involved coz according to them that’s not really going to help and what will I do in the future if my cousin is not there.

I think for a couple of days I’m going to just ignore that this is happenning and if it continues by middle of next week then I’ll go and talk to him. eep shudder

Nadia - :hug: I think everyone is right yaar, we can’t depend on help, we have to learn to deal with these things coz tomorrow if I go to Isb or Lhr for training or some rural area then what am I gonna do. I hafta know how to deal with this myself in a way that I dont compromise my own respect. I just want an end to the staring, preferably without anyone else getting involved or knowing about it and without the guy being fired from his job or something or a big scene being created.

Faisal bhai yup you are right these issues are not really discussed but I think no one needs official guidelines for this, its part of basic human etiquette. I mean I’m sure guys are aware of the fact that such behavior is not correct and will make their female colleagues uncomfortable. Its one thing if my behavior or appearance is inviting attention but I’m pretty modest I think or atleast try to be. I guess since I am working for the first time in a Pakistani environment, I’m faced with this issue.
lol rotfl @ angry stare missile hehehheeh

Madhanee ji thanks a lot for your help and advice. Hmmm. YIKES…I think I’m going to ignore for two three more days as I spoke to some of my friends and they said this is happenning coz I am new. If it continues then I’ll do as you said. I just don’t want to talk to the guy. I feel creepy even going near his cubicle. yuck. eww. So I’ll make it my very last resort. I’ll do it though if its needed inshallah. Thanks again.

funguy lol at taking colleagues with me. I think if I have to do it, I’ll go by myself. everyone’s around all the time so there can’t be any rumors.

Sheraz CT hmmm everyone in my office is pakistani and everyone is decent except this weirdo. typically ppl r decent, but some bad fish spoil the whole pond.

Spock its one thing to go to the market and ignore whoever is staring and come back home and never see the people again but if its happenning at work and you see the ppl every day then it becomes weird…

Hum Sa Ho To Samne Aaye cool yaar :biggthumb
lol at Mr Nadeeda hehehehe

~Sehar~ i hope so too yaar…that there is some thread of sharam in the dude thats going to make him sharminda…
i mean u know that DHEET brand of guys also exists…which when u ask them ji aap k ghar mein maan behnein nai haen? their answer is haanji maan behnein to haen par beevee nai hae proverbially speaking lol..not that i am gona ask him that…
i just hope he’s not a dheet of that extent…

Nescio and mad scientist ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :yukh: no way puke puke puke
i definitely DONT want him to get THAT idea :smack: lol waisae yup yesterday i didnt end up going and talking to him coz I just chickened out at the last minute despite my planning the whole day lol so its a good thing i didnt..phew…shukar hae…

mehroo aapi u r right…waisae samaj nai aati kuch logon kee aisi aadat aakhir kyun hoti hae whats wrong with them :confused:

20

i take all my horrible views and opinions back…the guy is not bad at all…he’s stopped staring :smiley: and he is actually quite decent…i guess i was being judgemental :smiley: :smack: