Okay, so I think at this point in time I am leaning towards meeting a guy two or three times and then deciding on marriage, although I am not sure as yet.
I just dont want to go through what some of my friends have gone through, which is meet a guy on and off for a year or two and then decide on marriage.
Nor do I want those extremely long engagements like my brother has (although it was not intentional).
So my question is, how many of you are open to meeting a potential only a few times and maybe talking on the phone for a lil while before deciding on someone?
Basically, how many of you are open to a short courtship? And what is your idea of a short courtship that you feel is acceptable to you?
all i can say is marriage a gamble, whether u spend 2 years getting to know each other or 2 meetings to decide on marriage.
it takes a lifetime to know a person and even then u will neva know everything abt him.
if i were u, i would look out for a man who has fear of his Creator. everything else wud fall into place. may u be blessed with a partner most suitable for u. gd luck!
hmmm I think its a difficult question!
Its not easy to define the right period of courtship. According to islam one should have nikkah as soon as one finds out that this is the person one wants to marry. And its very different from person to person on how much they want to know a person.
As for me I wanted to know about his views on religion, gender and other issues that were very important for me in marriage.
I would advice you to figure out what you want to know about this guy and then figure out how long time it might take for you to understand those points. It could take a few meetings but it could also take longer time.
My personal opinion is that one shouldnt hurry cuz its a matter of lifetime. But one shouldt go on for a very long time either.
A few meetings are usually only enough to create a first impression of a person. I would guess you should talk to him for at least a few months before deciding. Dont let it go on for longer but do be careful in deciding after just a few meetings.
So my question is, how many of you are open to meeting a potential only a few times and maybe talking on the phone for a lil while before deciding on someone?
that's exactly what i wanted to do and I Did... Alhumdollilah
saw him first time in my life when he came with his family to purpose me. second time, we spend maX. 15mins. talking to each other.. but in a family gathering. and the third time we went out together to buy the engagement ring. :-)
i truly dont beleive in knowing ins and outs of someone very well Before getting married. all you got to know that that persone is from decent family, in a decent profession and seems well behaved as per YouR standards... and then u got to make an efforts to make yourself Likeable to him/her and make him/her likeable to you.
all rest depends on your comprehension and on your luck
I agree:k:
Furthermore u r the one Munni who needs to decide that which issues/things r really important to u in terms of being in a relationship…which in fact is a lifelong commitment from both the sides.So many times that we as humans r rushed towards marraige so hastily that basically one is only thinking of today..the present..Think of in terms of “would u want to grow old with this person?”..I know emotionally it is a draining process as u basically donot want to be vulnerable in front of a suitor only to find out that u guys werent meant for each other.I dont know , but its my opinion, I do think that a bit longer engagements like a year or so, helps both of the future spouses see the real people behind the facade of trying to be perfect for each other:)..Just my 2 cents..Untimately its your decision and u have to live with it.I know there r also duas that u can read to make the process a lot better.Try duas.org
short span of time is not bad to anlyze a person i guess cuz the more time u get more u will get confused n things might get complicated......ur own analysis and tht of a frnd or some1 really close and understanding plus intelligent would help u make a decision
If you are mature in your words and deeds, if you are secure in what you want for yourself and your family, sure of what you want your life to be - then GO for it when it feels right.
It seems to me, both from personal experience and from seeing other failed marriages that when marriages fail, its MOST often due to marrying before maturity. People marry with starry-eyes and g*****ose plans but as you mature, your hopes and dreams can and do often change.
Some people mature before age 20. SOme not till they're well into their 30s. No matter. Its just best to make your biggest life decisions once you've reached a good level of maturity.
I'm okay with meeting someone a few times and deciding with his family and mine if we want to give it a shot.
I'd say if all goes well an engagement after 4-6 months and then marriage 6 months after that. if we can stand each other for roughly a year... I'd be more than happy to get married.
It's not a question of how wonderful he is...it's just a question of if we can accept each other..good and bad...and make the choice to want to be with each other....
all i can say is marriage a gamble, whether u spend 2 years getting to know each other or 2 meetings to decide on marriage.
it takes a lifetime to know a person and even then u will neva know everything abt him.
u saved me some typing cuz i believe exactly like u have stated in yr post! having said that u shud use the time u meet him 2 find out abt his opinion on things that matter 2 u..obviously its not necessary or even imp that u think the same but at times by getting 2 know abt other's opinion on some issues which means alot 2 u wl help u decide if this is the rite person for u. good luck:)
I don't believe in this waiting for years and then get married crap. You can never fully konw someone until you live with them, so are you goign to live w/ someone before u marry em? I don't see the point in any of that. Two months should be the maximum amount of time one takes to tget to know their partner. There's always going to be something you don't like about your significant other but that's because nobody's perfect. The engagement period is very delicate and sensitive. It's extremely easy for a perfectly good rishta to be broken over something that wouldn't even matter if those two were married.
Overall, it doesn't take too long to tell if a person has a decent nature and is sincere. You might not know every single thing bout them, but hey you have the rest of your lives together to get to know each other.
Its really not so much the time period you spend getting to know the person, but rather whether you're really evaluating them as a potential spouse or whether you're too distracted to think straight.
^ thats also an important factor, you can be spending six months with someone and still not know them, versus two weeks with someoen and know exactly what they're about. It's quality that matters, not quantity.
I have had somewhat long courtships and they didnt work out for one reason or the other, that is why I think this time I just dont want to go through all of that again. I find that the longer I know a person, the more doubts tend to set in.
Mamaof3, I dont think I will ever feel mature enough to think that yes I am absolutely ready to be a wonderful wife to someone. The prospect of marriage has always been somewhat scary for me. It's something I feel I will simply have to adapt to.
My parents met on their wedding day but they had a strong commitment to stay together despite any issues arising in the marriage. Mash'Allah. To me commitment is what matters a lot in a marriage. So even if I know a person a short-time, if they tell me ahead of time that they are willing to remain committed through the ups and downs, that will give me some reassurance.