I recently read the thread about the wearing of wedding outfits to someone else’s wedding. I’ve only seen this once at a (Pakistani) friend’s wedding and found that it looked a bit odd. I described the exact situation and why it looked odd to me in the “In Bad Taste?” thread about this subject. Anyway, reading the thread raised a few questions as, to my knowledge, this isn’t done in my culture (Afghan). When I lived in Dubai, I never observed this at Arab weddings either, although I did notice that the bride and groom’s immediate family do dress a bit more formally than the other guests. Apologies for the rather daft question, but I was a bit curious.
The questions I had were:
When people discuss wearing their “wedding outfits” to another person’s wedding, do they mean that they, literally, wore the same exact outfit they wore on their wedding day to someone else’s wedding or do they simply mean that they wore a heavy formal outfit that is as fancy as what the bride was wearing?
Is this a recent trend or have people always done this?
Are there any parameters: As in, is it okay to do it at a relatives wedding but not at friend’s wedding? Is there a time frame during which it’s acceptable, say, if you’re recently married as opposed to having been married for a while?
Is it common or is it more of a regional thing? (The reason for this last question is that the friend I referred to in the other thread said she’s only seen this done a Punjabi weddings and was surprised her SILs wore their wedding outfit to her wedding.)
It's done across all parts of Pakistan and has been done for a looong, looong time. I think there is less of it now than there was before (thankfully!) And yeah, women will wear their actual wedding outfit.
It's more common for newly weds to do it but women from all walks of life do it (obviously except for the super old ones).
Back in my days, it was very common that the first wedding dulhan would attend (especially in close family), she would wear either her shadi or her valima dress in one of the events.
My goodness gracious ladies. You gals spend lakhs and lakhs of rupees on your wedding dress and you are expected never to wear that again.
This is a very old part of the culture. In the past, the bridal clothes were usually the most expensive and special ones made for the bride for her lifetime, and so when attending weddings, she would wear her wedding and valima clothes as these were the fanciest she had. Obviously many people these days get new heavy clothes before and after their weddings. The other thing is that these days I think bridal clothes are much heavier, and for those people who get very heavy clothes made in the typical bridal red, it is hard to rewear the outfit. But not all Pakistani wedding clothes are that heavy, nor are they all made in the full bridal red, so it doesn't look as awkward when they are worn to another's wedding.
When people discuss wearing their "wedding outfits" to another person's wedding, do they mean that they, literally, wore the same exact outfit they wore on their wedding day to someone else's wedding or do they simply mean that they wore a heavy formal outfit that is as fancy as what the bride was wearing?
**
Yes--they mean they wear their wedding outfits. It's understood that when you re-wear your dress, it's with a different hairstyle, makeup and jewelry so that it doesn't imitate the bride. I.e., you'd wear the outfit, but you won't have teh duputta on your head, with a more relaxed hairstyle and less makeup/jewelry. Other times, parts of the dress can be re-worn but with different shirt/trouser/duputta. Since long shirts are in style these days, often times the shirt and duputta could be re-worn with a plain trouser; I considered having a plain saree made to go with my lengha blouse, etc. It can vary. **
Is this a recent trend or have people always done this?
*It's always been done. In fact, a recent trend is the opposite--not rewearing your wedding dress at all. *
Are there any parameters: As in, is it okay to do it at a relatives wedding but not at friend's wedding? Is there a time frame during which it's acceptable, say, if you're recently married as opposed to having been married for a while?
**
Yes, it's normally considered acceptable at close relatives/in-laws weddings.
Regarding time frame, I would say it depends on the style, social circle etc. It basically comes down to personal comfort.
Some outfits are classic and wouldn't look dated. Wait long enough and some can look vintage.....**
Is it common or is it more of a regional thing? (The reason for this last question is that the friend I referred to in the other thread said she's only seen this done a Punjabi weddings and was surprised her SILs wore their wedding outfit to her wedding.)
**
No, it's done all over Pakistan. **
I can see where the confusion is coming from. A friend of mine is Afghani and from my understanding they wear the 'white dress' at their weddings. Women usually dont repeat their wedding outfit because its usually VERY similar to what the bride is wearing. Since us Pakistanis have 2 reception events, the bride usually wears her traditional red outfit on the day of the valima and her valima outfit on the day of the shaadi. That way, no two brides are wearing red the same day.
But mind you, you wouldn't wear it at a random wedding, you'd repeat your wedding outfits at your own sibling's wedding or husband's siblings wedding or a very close relative.. Otherwise, yes if you wore at a random wedding, you'd look awkward.
Let’s tote out the Godly explanation - to NOT wear a wedding outfit again would be wasteful and considered israaf and if we rationalize not wearing the wedding outfit again because the gora peoples don’t wear their white (or mostly white unless someone’s not allowed to wear white knowwhatimsayin) would mean we devout Muslims are trying to emulate a kaafir culture - so kullun haraam, capiche?
^ I wasn't suggesting that there is anything wrong with wearing your wedding outfit more than once or that girls not do so because "gora" people don't. I wasn't aware that re-wearing wedding outfits was common as it's not done in my culture and was simply curious about this tradition as I like to learn about other cultures’ traditions. Wearing your wedding gown only once isn’t solely a “gora” tradition. I've never observed this at weddings within my culture or at Arab weddings when I lived in Dubai. The fact that Pakistani brides choose to wear their wedding outfits more than once, does not mean that brides who choose not to so are trying to emulate “gora” culture. Every culture has its own traditions.
As far as not re-wearing your wedding gown being wasteful, "wasteful" is a relative term and different people have different views about what they consider to be wasteful. I’m not going to wear my wedding gown (or other wedding accessories for that matter) again and am instead donating it to a charity that provides wedding clothing/accessories/services to the underprivileged. I wouldn't really call that wasteful.
My comment was tongue-in-cheek. I think it's to each her own - wear it or not, it's up to the individual.
But yes, what annoys me is the attitude of "OMG, how rude - how dare she wear her bridal outfit and rain on my parade - I'm the princess-diva bride and no one is allowed to outshine me on my wedding day."
I think people need to chill out and remember - it's just an outfit and if the non-bride wears her bridal outfit with full ghoongat and jewellery and is trying to re-live her most special day, unless she's pushed the bride off the stage, it's not a big deal.
^ I apologise for the slightly hostile tone. I missed the tongue-in-cheek tone to your reply. I suppose I was a bit on edge because I previously asked a Pakistani friend about this wedding gown trend and her reply was rather defensive, which I found unnecessary as I was not criticising or saying there was anything wrong with it. She also stated something about being wasteful and israaf and was quite serious about it and rather judgemental and I thought you that's what you meant as well. Apologies for the misunderstanding :)
I'd wear my bridal outfit again! If it's gorgeous and you've spent so much on it. Why not? However I would only do this on a siblings or cousins wedding. Not a random wedding. I wouldn't wear the same jewellery. And obviously set the dupatta in a different manner ie not on my head. I don't think it looks bad or poor
I think its good for people to wear their wedding dresses again. I mean you spend so much on the dress, and after those few hours, it is never used again.. It is easier now, with long shirts trending in bridals.. After the wedding you can get a churidar or trouser stitched and use it again for formal occasions..
Happens a lot in India where you can wear your wedding outfit for someone else's weddings.
I would totally wear my wedding sari to someone else's wedding as it is very simple and elegant. I would save my lengha, which is bling-bling, for a very lavish wedding.
But from parents generation, they did that a lot and it was quite fun!
Very interesting replies.
I wore my wedding dress on brother in law's wedding and walima dress on sister's.
Not exactly the way i wore it on my days as my lehngas were quite heavy with heavy work on duppatas so I replaced duppata and shirt with some Lamba Zari meterial. I loved wearing it, and I am sure I have not outshined the brides as well cos i wore both dresses on their mehndis.;)
Yes it is very common. Been done in my family. My mami wore her valima outfit to a friend's mehndi. Sisters often wear wedding dress to sibling's weddings too. I mean come on, you spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on these outfits! Its a waste to never wear it again! However, there is a limit! In the sense that you shouldn't wear the dupatta on ur head bridal style. You should wear lighter jewelry. Do something to tone it down a but and not make it look like ur trying to outshine the actual bride!
My sister wore her wedding outfit on my wedding - I asked her to save it for my wedding! And I intend to wear my wedding outfit on my brother's walima. I still looked like the bride on my wedding, and my bhabhi will deffo look like the bride on her walima because only when you're the bride is the dupatta is worn on the head. I would NEVER wear the dupatta on the head after you've been a bride lol.
I loveeeeeeeee my wedding dress and spent money on it, so I agree with others that it'd be a waste not to wear it again. Plus it looks totally different when you wear the dupatta on the side!
