Theres a guy at work (Indian) whose grandmother is in an old peoples home. He made a comment like “oh i go and see her once a week”
So anyway I asked him how he could let his grandma sit in an old peoples home and how his dad could do the same thing, i also told him he should be ashamed of himself.
His excuse was family is busy, no one is at home to care for his grandma. (his wife works)
I say if it means your wife stops working, than she should stop working to care for your grandma, you work twice as hard instead, what do all of you say?
Would you sacrifice a bit of your family life and a bit of ££ to care for your elders? would you follow the steps of your parents if they werent caring for their parents?
Note: In this case his dad is still alive but aint doing anything for hsi mum, so i think naturally the grandson should do something about it)
If they are all working, I think they should try to atleast hire someone to stay at the house and care for the grandmother. Even if it means hiring someone part-time for that. I dont know anyone who would enjoy being in a retirement home rather than with their children.
The wife shouldn't have to stop working to care for the grandma. Instead they should hire someone or even arrange for someone in the family who doesn't work to care for the grandma during working hours.
Putting your folks in a old-age home is very disrespectful in my opinion. If you care for your parents when they get older is thanking them for caring for you when you were a child.
I think days like "Mothers day" and "Fathers day" are catered to the same type of people that put their parents away. If you love them all year long, you don't need one day on a calender to remind you of how important they are. Same thing with caring for them in old-age, if you take care of them all the time, when they are old it won't seem that different.
Sometimes it is necessary, especially if she needs medical care and one thinks that sh wouldn't be taken care of at home (i know I'm going to be flamed for this).
TofiBaba, I understand your point but in today's age you can get help at home which includes medical help. And most of it can be covered by insurance. Plus imagine having a desi buda or budi in an old age home; there would be so many culture problems. Problems with the language, the food and even the environment. What old desi people do you know play card games and board games all day? Our grandparents are cultured and religious, and a angresi old age home won't cater to their social needs.
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*Originally posted by Mizz Angel666: *
TofiBaba, I understand your point but in today's age you can get help at home which includes medical help. And most of it can be covered by insurance. Plus imagine having a desi buda or budi in an old age home; there would be so many culture problems. Problems with the language, the food and even the environment. What old desi people do you know play card games and board games all day? Our grandparents are cultured and religious, and a angresi old age home won't cater to their social needs.
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True that, but if nobody understands her at home (perspectivly) she might be better with her same-age people, even if she doesn't do board games. Its not all about board-games! The can share experiences from when they were younger. Like I can talk to anyone about the 80's groups and how they did.
Maybe we can start an old age place of our own where they have similar cultures and such.
Communication might be a barrier in an old age home. I know they have started one in Toronto. I strongly oppose it though. Building a desi old age home is proof that we are losing our culture living in the west. Our culture takes pride in respecting elders, its evident in the fact that we call all adults uncle or aunty. By building a home where careless adult children can pay to have their parents be a part of is disgraceful. Our culture is about joint families and by building such homes its robbing future generations from learning a lot about the cultural way of living, the way they live back home.
We are all entitled to our opinion, but I personally would never put my parents or grandparents in an old age home.
I wouldn't want to either. But if he/she is getting better care at this home, plus if she gets better companionship (religion/culture withstanding) wouldn't she be better that place? Considering she might be left alone the whole day if she were home.
My maternal grandmother had been bed stricken for almost two years now. She has been living with us ever since she was too old to take care of herself. Even thought she hasn't always been nice to us, sending her to an old people's home is not an option simply because we don't want our kids to send us to one when we are old.
One of my very distant relatives in Karachi had reached the state of health where he required 24 hour nursing. He lived with his son and his son's family, and his daughter-in-law looked after him loyally, though she found it difficult at times.
However, for a few months his medical condition deteriorated such that he had to go to a hospital for a number of days. Following that, the hospital arranged for him to be moved into an Edhi Foundation old people's home. After his health recovered, however, he refused to move back with his family, and preferred to stay in the old people's home. He offered the view that whilst his daughter in law tried very hard, he preferred being looked after by the Edhi foundation.
His family now makes regular substantial donations to the Edhi Foundation (which refused to accept money paid in for specifically looking after the man - the Foundation insisted that if they wanted to give money, they had to pay into the general fund like everyone else). The man still lives in the old people's home.
^ This is important for people to realize that in many cases a nurshing home is preferible to home/family care. Care of the elderly is escalated to the point of personal pride in desi society while overlooking the best possible care options for the elderly.
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*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
^ This is important for people to realize that in many cases a nurshing home is preferible to home/family care. Care of the elderly is escalated to the point of personal pride in desi society while overlooking the best possible care options for the elderly.
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Totally my point. I missed mentioning the pride bit. Didn't know if it would create all kinds of havoc.
thanks for the replies,
:) Good to see various forms of discussion but generally i think we all agreed that old people homes are not the place for the elders.
