Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh
welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay
in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at
the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is
not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is
in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with
us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our
passengers have reached their destination.
For the ones that don’t quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the
requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess
Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we
serve complimentary tea and biscuits ! For our religious passengers, we
are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we
will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from
the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down !
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes
are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for
emergency jumps !
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark !
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t
find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your
suitcase. Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew’s wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself
to the cock pit.
lolzzzzzzzzzz
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