When people do bad to you, or say hurtful things about you and cannot be happy for you would that be called sinning?
This might be a vague question but its just something I am seeing more and more of everyday especially after I got married.
I mean, is there a punishment for those that do wrong to you and constantly talk behind your back? How does Islam tell us to deal with people like these? How much patience can someone possibly exhibit? What do you do when you get to the point of anger and retaliation?
LP
October 26, 2008, 10:11am
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Re: Punishment for those who do wrong
What is the definition of gheebah and what is the ruling on it?
Praise be to Allaah.
**Gheebah (backbiting, gossip)** means that a person mentions the faults of his Muslim brother in his absence, which he would not like if he heard about it, when there is no need to mention them.
When I say “mentions the faults of his brother”, this excludes cases when the other person says something to praise or commend him.
When I say “Muslim brother”, this excludes the kaafir, for there is no gheebah in the case of a kaafir.
When I say, “in his absence”, this excludes things said in his presence, which is not called gheebah according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions.
When I say, “which he would dislike if he heard about it”, this excludes things which he would not mind.
When I say, “when there is no need to mention them”, this excludes cases when there is a shar’i reason for doing that, such as warning against an innovator to make people aware of his bid’ah.
It is essential to pay attention to the following in such cases:
1. Sincerity towards Allaah and seeking His pleasure.
2. Paying attention to the interests being served by such things.
3. What is said should be limited to the shortcomings in question and should not go further, to matters in which there is no benefit.
The scholars agreed that it is haraam to talk behind a person’s back for no legitimate purpose. Most of them stated that this is a major sin and that it varies in degree, some kinds being worse than others. The one who backbites about a scholar is not like one who backbites about an ignorant person. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful”
[al-Hujuraat 49:12]
In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated from al-‘Alaa’ ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan from his father from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you know what gheebah is?” They said, “Allaah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “That you say something about your brother that he dislikes.” He was asked, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true then you have gossiped about him, and if it is not true then you have slandered him.”
Abu Dawood narrated in his Sunan via Nawfal ibn Masaahiq from Sa’eed ibn Zayd that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most prevalent kind of usury (riba) is going to lengths in talking unjustly against a Muslim’s honour.”
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Your blood, your wealth and your honour are sacred among you, as sacred as this day of yours in this month of yours in this land of yours. Let those who are present convey it to those who are absent; perhaps he will convey it to one who has more understanding than he does.”
(Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Abu Bakrah).
One of the worse types of gheebah and one which is most emphatically forbidden it to look down upon a Muslim and do one’s utmost to insult him, show disrespect towards him and cast aspersions upon his honour. This is a blameworthy characteristic and a serious malady; it is one of the major sins and the one who does this is subject to the warning and a severe punishment.
Shaykh Sulaymaan ibn Naasir al-‘Alwaani
Does hasad (destructive envy) exist in Islam or not?.
Praise be to Allaah. Hasad (destructive envy) means wishing that a blessing that Allaah has bestowed on the envied person be taken away. Allaah enjoined His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to seek refuge with Him from the evil of the envier when he envies. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Say: ‘I seek refuge with (Allaah), the Lord of the daybreak,
2. ‘From the evil of what He has created,
3. ‘And from the evil of the darkening (night) as it comes with its darkness; (or the moon as it sets or goes away),
4. ‘And from the evil of those who practise witchcraft when they blow in the knots,
5. ‘And from the evil of the envier when he envies.’”
[al-Falaq 113]
What is meant by “when he envies” is when he manifests what he feels of envy in his heart and acts on it, and his envy makes him do something bad to the one whom he envies.
Hasad is of varying degrees:
1 – When a person wants the blessing to be taken away from his Muslim brother, even if it does not come to him; rather he does not like Allaah to bless anyone else and that upsets him.
2 – Where he wants the blessing to be taken away from someone else because he wants it, in the hope that it will come to him.
3 – Where he wishes for himself a blessing like that which someone else has, without wanting it to be taken away from the other person. This is permissible and is not called hasad rather it is called ghibtah.
The envier harms himself in three ways:
1 – He earns sin because hasad is haraam.
2 – It is bad etiquette before Allaah, because what hasad really means is hating Allaah’s blessing His slaves, and objecting to what Allaah does.
3 – He suffers because of too much worry and distress.
And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.
Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas
Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’l-Ifta’ (26/29).
TLK
October 26, 2008, 7:02pm
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When people do bad to you, or say hurtful things about you and cannot be happy for you would that be called sinning?
?
as dewdrop said, backbiting is major sin .. but we all have to think twice about our behavior before we accuse someone of backbiting about us
When people do bad to you: ... if I am involve in drinking, gambling or any major sin and my loveone strongly, hrashly talk to me because of that (either to stop me or just to show the anger), are they doing bad to me?
*or say hurtful things about you: * ... if I am a fitna for the society then it is allowed for the people to talk about me to each other and just to caution others.
and cannot be happy for you : ... if my choices about life are wrong and someone is not happy about it then they will get the sawab for that. It will not be a sin
point is, we have to evaluate ourselves, our habits, our choices in life before even start blaming others for backbiting or hurting our feelings
LP
October 26, 2008, 7:59pm
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Re: Punishment for those who do wrong
point is, we have to evaluate ourselves, our habits, our choices in life before even start blaming others for backbiting or hurting our feelings
Well said !
AQ
October 27, 2008, 12:23am
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Re: Punishment for those who do wrong
The point seems very logical however, it lacks the true Islamic understanding of back biting.
Gheebat and how it is defined is when you start propagating “bad” habbits/things of others which they “have” … otherwise, it becomes bohtaan…
talking about good things of others is not even gheebah…
and the classical example of gheebaa as Prophet:saw2: mentioned is when we talk about things that a person is characterized with but the person does not want it to be known to others…
Having said that, the three main exceptions to gheebah remain valid…
about an unjust ruler so people are aware of it and work against such oppression
when you want someone to be saved from a fitnah
when someone needs opinion about someone for marriage and you know something bad about the person that may be a major concern.
LP
October 27, 2008, 5:00am
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Re: Punishment for those who do wrong
Situations in which gheebah (“backbiting”) is permitted
Praise be to Allaah. The scholars have stated that gheebah is permitted in certain situations:
1-
Complaining. It is permissible for the one who has been wronged to complain to the ruler or judge and others who have the authority or ability to settle the score with the one who wronged him.
2-
Seeking help to change evil and bring the sinner back to the right path, so he may say to the one who he hopes is able to do something: “So and so is doing such and such; tell him not to do it.”
3-
Seeking advice or a fatwa, by saying to the mufti, “So and so/my father/my brother has wronged me by doing such and such, does he have the right to do that? How can I solve this problem and ward off his harm from me?”
4-
Warning the Muslims of someone’s evil, such as highlighting the weakness of some reporters or witnesses or authors. That also includes seeing someone buying faulty goods, or someone keeping company with one who is a thief or adulterer, or giving a female relative of his to such a man in marriage, and the like. You should tell them about that by way of sincere advice, not with the aim of causing harm and spreading mischief.
5-
If a person openly commits evil or follows bid’ah, such as drinking alcohol and seizing people’s wealth unlawfully, it is permissible to speak of what he is doing openly, but it is not permissible to speak against him any other way, unless it is for another reason.
6-
For identification, if someone is known by a nickname such as the dim-sighted one, or the blind man or the one-eyed or the lame one, it is permissible to identify him as such, but it is haraam to mention that by way of belittling him, and if it is possible to identify him in some other way, that is better.
It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Ifta (26/20): Speaking about a person in his absence is permissible in certain situations as indicated by shar’i evidence, if there is a need for that, such as if someone consults you about arranging a marriage to him, or entering into a business partnership with him, or if someone complains to the authorities to put a stop to his wrongdoing. In that case there is nothing wrong with saying things about him that he may not like to be said, because there is an interest to be served by that. One of the scholars summed up in two lines of poetry the situations in which it is permissible to talk about a person in his absence, and said:
Criticizing is not gheebah in six (cases) – complaining, identifying, warning,
When the person is committing evil openly, when advice is sought, and when one is asking for help in removing an evil.
End quote.
And Allaah knows best.
Some cases in which gheebah is permitted
Praise be to Allaah. Gheebah (backbiting) means saying something about one’s Muslim brother that he dislikes, such as criticizing him and running him down and the like. But there are some situations mentioned by the scholars in which a Muslim may talk about his brother if that serves an interest. These situations include asking for one’s rights from a wrongdoer, so he may say to the judge or ruler, for example: So and so wronged me by doing such and such.
Another case is seeking a fatwa, where the person may say to the mufti: So and so did such and such to me; does he have the right to do that or not?
Another case is warning the Muslims against evil or dubious people, such as exposing those in whose character is something questionable with regard to among narration (of hadeeth) and testimony.
Another case is asking about a person in cases of marriage, business or neighbourhood.
Another case is mentioning by name those who commit evil openly.
Another case is identifying a person if there is no intention of belittling him, so that he is known by a nickname such as al-A’mash (bleary-eyed), al-A’raj (lame), al-Asamm (deaf) and so on.
And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.
Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas.
Fataawa Al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’l-Ifta’ (26/10).
Lusi
October 27, 2008, 5:36am
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Re: Punishment for those who do wrong
Desigirl... in real world it is quite impossible to give punishment for backbiting, gossiping, or such other destructive behavior. The best thing would be distance yourself from such people, evaluate yourself and see what is causing people backbite or gossip about you, if possible change yourself, keep your issues...your different different things to yourself, don't share with the people who don't have sincere intentions for you. I guess the best punishment would be you don't provide them the material...it might not stop people but it will reduce as they won't have much material to talk about you....
