The older daughter of a family friend recently ran off and married someone her parents and other family members didn’t approve off. They have now effectively disowned her. Immediatly after she ran off the mum went to Pakistan taking the younger (nineteen year old) daughter with her. We now hear that she is trying to marry her off to someone over there. Now, I know that the younger one was also going off the rails a bit but is this knee-jerk reaction of the mother fair to quickly marry her off in case she also runs off with someone? Shouldn’t the mother have done a better job of keeping both of them under control in the first place?
Or, as my mum thinks, getting the younger one married off will be for the best and bring her back on the straight and narrow?
Has anything like this happened to anyone on this forum or would they do it to any of their kids?
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
It is their kids and it is their life they are dealing with it. Nothing will change in their lives with anybody else's opinion.
Desi families in Ireland are pretty effed up! We knew a family, they had 3 daughters (the elder one being 15 yrs old and the youngest one only 6 yrs old) and two sons.
The eldest daughter ran away, not with the man of her dreams, but because she felt her parents didn’t let her do anything… so she ran away and got a friend to help her find an apartment… the apartment owners got suspicious … 3 days later they found out the real story and then called her parents.
Her parents went over to collect her but she refused to come with them… she called the gardái on them!! The gardái came and interviewed the parents and the daughter and finally told the daughter that she must go back with her parents, she is under age, and its not like they abuse her or something! If she has any issues she may call the childline but she must go back with her parents for now. So she did.
A month later, the whole family, except the father and the elder son, went to Pakistan permanently. She was then 17 yrs old. They got her married. A few months later she died in a car accident…
:hinna:
Life is short people, be obedient to ur parents!
They are not planning to marry off the younger one for now… I could go into the whole debate how (I believe) it was totally her mother’s fault that she let her daughter get out of hands… I mean she would be roaming around in shopping malls during school time and if we saw her, she’d be like " don’t tell my mom" … and her mother really couldn’t care less, she would send them off anywhere… she would give them plenty of cash to go n shop whatever they want… i mean, who does that?? And she would make them diet n exercise to look pwetty! Ok i’m tired, not typing any more! lol
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
it's unfortunate that this happened. I know that the parents couldn't have taken it to well hence did whatever thaught came to their mind to save their second daughter. It's hard when you raise your kids and set high expectations and something like this happens and they are not ready for it so they usually act it out somehow.
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
They didn't exactly raise them with high expectations but they do come from a khandaan which makes out they are so much better than everyone else in terms of being good practicising muslims. So the daughter running awy caused them major shame. The father has passed away and the mother is just plain lazy and too ignorant to realize what was going on under her nose. A while back someone told her that they had seen the older daughter out and about with a guy. The mother got all defensive and basically accused the person of lying.
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
Lots of families do it and there is nothing anyone can do aside from communicate. Even then, its like ramming your head against a brick wall.
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
my mums friends daughter ran away from home several time from the age of 12 till abt 18, then they took her to pak and got her married, but she had plenty of money so she could afford to ran away
smetimes it mite nt be the familys fault cos i knw my younger sis got in to alot of bad company and my mum did everything to make her see sense but she wouldnt, we only gt rid of bad company after 3-4 years
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
in these cases the parents can be blamed....but ultimately if someone wants to do something bad they will find a way no matter what their parents do
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
People really need to stop marrying off their daughters in their late teens. Its just creepy.
Its natural for parents to become more protective, if the older child went off the right path, but the protectiveness needs to be done with in limitations. But then again, desi's have no grasp of limits, so never mind.
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
^Too much desi bashing. Is everyone who does bad, unusual acts is desi in this world?
The older daughter of a family friend recently ran off and married someone her parents and other family members didn't approve off. They have now effectively disowned her. Immediatly after she ran off the mum went to Pakistan taking the younger (nineteen year old) daughter with her. We now hear that she is trying to marry her off to someone over there. Now, I know that the younger one was also going off the rails a bit but is this knee-jerk reaction of the mother fair to quickly marry her off in case she also runs off with someone? Shouldn't the mother have done a better job of keeping both of them under control in the first place? Or, as my mum thinks, getting the younger one married off will be for the best and bring her back on the straight and narrow? Has anything like this happened to anyone on this forum or would they do it to any of their kids?
i know someone whose daughter also ran away from home with her gora-boyfriend years ago. she was 16 at the time. she was having a lot of probs' at home with her parents who were always hitting her, putting her down and shouting at her. she just hated it at home. she tried to commit suicide once because she was so depressed. she survived, and the doc who helped her was like 10 years older than her. they fell in love and he told her he could help her. after she left, the parents disowned her as well and suddendly they packed up their home and went to live in pakistan with their kids! (that daughter is now married with kids to that gora doc living in uk.)
the rest of the siblings are well upset and can't settle in pakistan even after so many years. they are all so depressed living in pakistan as they are so used to of uk. the parents have got one of the youngest daughters engaged agasint her will and she is naturally not happy. she doesn't want to settle in pakistan and wants to go back to uk.
totally the parents fault. they are so strict and harsh with their kids.
I tend to think it usually is the parents' fault when their daughters run away, desi girls don't run away for nothing, it's not exactly easy leaving ur family behind esp in our community when u know ur parents might never speak to u again let alone come round and support u later on when u get married, have kids etc.. nearly all the cases I've heard of where this has happened the parents have had totally different sets of rules for their daughters and sons, the boys have had near total freedom to do what they want and if they've had gfs or come in late at night the parents have just turned a blind eye which obviously leads to bitterness and resentment. Some of these same boys have had the nerve to even threaten their sisters for doing the same thing.. If the parents had the common sense and decency to treat both sexes the same (ie they are both allowed out or they are both made to stay in) most of these problems wouldn't be happening..
Getting them married off or shipped off 'back home' when they don't want to, simply to 'keep them under control' is disgusting, if a girl is genuinely going thru a tough time why not try counselling?? If my parents married me off against my will or sent me away I would honestly **never **forgive them.
Re: Punishing younger daughter for older ones bad behaviour
y are some parentz totally against theyr kidz choice?
Not like theyr gonna be choosing the wrong guy for them self and end of the day theyr gna live theyr life with the guy…not the parentz 
P.S. Didnt mean this in any bad way buh jus thort i myte aswell ask 
^ WHY do people type in the mobile-text slang? 
Its got to do with the way people are brought up.
I have had friends whose parents were VERY stirct and traditional and I looked at their views and realized they were going to end up being EXACTLY like their parents: i.e. suffocating their children to the point that something is bound to give.
One of the reaons can be the mindset among Desis that ‘beti ki jaldi se jaldi shaadi karwa detay hain taakay boj utar jai’. Till this stupid mindset drops, and the realization hits that forcing your child to marry just for the sake of ‘getting it over with’ is wrong, nothing will change.