I came to know about a case, which I think is not very uncommon in Pakistani families, whether they live in Pakistan or abroad. I’d like to know, what you think about that:
Two Muslim boys (both friends of mine) have proposed the same Muslim girl. The boys know about each others proposal. All three are good Muslims, as far as I know.
The problem is, that the girl says, I’ll do whatever my parents decide. Nothing wrong with that, I think. So she has no preference for any of the two. The parents of the girl don’t want to decide between the two guys until she has completed her education, which will be in two years time.
Now in my opinion, it’s ok to wait for the actual marriage until the girl finishes her school. But I think they should at least decide about the boy. Isn’t it wrong to give both of the boys hopes and in the end refuse one of them after he has waited two years?
Is there any Hadith, that could bring light into that topic?
Its a common sense and ethical matter. Why are you asking the mullahs who do not have time left after having 15 marriages brother.
Its highly unethical, immoral and totally unislamic to keep two boys waiting. They should clear up the sitution as soon as possible to make sure nobody gets hurt and asks for forgiveness from Allah if somebody is hurt.
[This message has been edited by Cool Guy (edited October 27, 2000).]
[quote]
Originally posted by Cool Guy:
**Its a common sense and ethical matter. Why are you asking the mullahs who do not have time left after having 15 marriages brother.
Its highly unethical, immoral and totally unislamic to keep two boys waiting. They should clear up the sitution as soon as possible to make sure nobody gets hurt and asks for forgiveness from Allah if somebody is hurt.
[This message has been edited by Cool Guy (edited October 27, 2000).]**
[/quote]
Cool guy ,welcome ,if you have not been here long.
If you apply for a job,& the employer tells you i'm not looking for an employee NOW,however we might hire someone in two years.Now ,i admit it is a very crude & insensitive comparision,but put yourself inthe girls & her parents shoe,who have to fend for themselves & bear the brunt of there descision all there life while one of you guys will be happy go lucky after an initialrejection,sadness & blues.We all overcome ,normally.
If she is not going top marry till 2 years ,its not in the girls interest to commit no commitment is just as good.You guys ae planning to ghang around as you said.As for your convenience ,no one else but you should think for that.
And yes it is not good to generalize about mullah or romeo or any human.
[quote]
Originally posted by Cool Guy:
**Its highly unethical, immoral and totally unislamic to keep two boys waiting. They should clear up the sitution as soon as possible to make sure nobody gets hurt and asks for forgiveness from Allah if somebody is hurt.
[This message has been edited by Cool Guy (edited October 27, 2000).]**
[/quote]
Though I undertstand, I think, what you are trying to say....I disagree that the girl's parents are at fault.
They have been honest in their reply and they are looking out for the best interest of their daughter. Any set of parents would behave this way.
It's up to the guys to make a decision now. Do they want to wait or are they more pressed to enter into marriage and can find another partner that is equally suitable?
Let's also not forget that the parents could commit to one boy and find that he changes into a different person in two years' time. Then what option would they be left with? None.
Umer
Situation you have described is very common. The girl's interest in such cases solve the quiz. But the girl wants to respect the parents decision.
In that case I totally agree with what Muzna has said.
The girl, the parents all made the right decision.
When the time of marraige will come Allah will make the right decision for them.
**~~~Performace of good DEEDS avoids the evil ending.~~~
He, who advises for the GOOD, is similar (in rewards)to the doer of it.**
(Sahih Al-Jami 3797 & 3399 resp.)