Proposal from UK

[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Proposal from UK

**if he has professed a desire to marry a virgin ...even in that case she should just quietly back out of the rishta ...but under no circumstances would I advise she tell him...

she is not implying anything unless he asks and she avoids answering and marries him

im sorry shabnaam i know u mean well....but i respectfully disagree with you

and i personally believe in a forgiving Allah...when u repent... Allah ki nazron mein u are free from that sin ...therefore Woh khuda aapka parda rakhega...agar yeh khud parda uthaayegi toh she will unveil herself to the whole world... which there is no need for

i agree that if virginity is important to the guy he should have that...in which case she should back out quietly like i said even in that case she doesnt need to tell him in fact i advise against it... a secret only remains a secret as long as u keep ur mouth shut...and u shud keep ur mouth shut if u have asked for forgiveness ...what is she supposed to do tell everyone so that she can never have a family? are you kidding?

ur not in the same boat as her thats why you seem a little unsympathetic maybe... but please think about what kind of advice u are giving her....and how it cud effect her life

i understand ur argument that ur sins never remain a secret they always come out... that is true for the sins for which you have not repented but not for those for which you have...and for those for which u have repented its like u never committed that sin... cuz Allah is all forgiving...

agar larrke ki requirement virginity hai she should find out and back out quietly...but agar Allah ne uske gunaah pe parda rakha huwa hai then there is no need for her to go around yapping about it.**

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first of all this is an issue between the guy and the girl , regardless if she has repented /asked for forgiveness the issue still remains she is no longer virgin .

To some people marrying a virgin is a core REQUIREMENT, which is understandable if a guy has withold from haram all his life for sake of Allah don't you think he deserves some one

whose done the same ? If she implies that she's still a virgin, that is not only lying to the guy but fooling him to believe she is something she is not .

If i was searching for a husband i would ensure HE HAS NOT SLEPT WITH ANYONE BEFORE , its a preference of many people and he deserves to know EXACTLY what he's getting

before he marries her . It is not at issue of her sharing her sins with him , we all have sins , its a matter of allowing this guy to make an INFORMED descision because we all know virginity is

huge factor to some people .

The truth will come out eventually even if she conceals i would say search for someone who is in the same boat as you.

[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Proposal from UK

i had no idea we have started having conversations with potential risthas telling them if we are or are not virgins.. i dont think this is something people ask. im not advocating lying to him, but if he doesnt ask her, i do not see how it could be a good thing to offer up the info. going around and telling potential risthas could cause her to be a pariah if it leaked into the whole community- which, common, it likely will. if she did something wrong in her past and has changed/repented/wants to lead a different life, then she should keep that to herself.

my point exactly

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[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Proposal from UK

I know if I was in a similar position, god forbid, then I'd probably lie and not tell the guy especially if I like him--sounds horrible, but sorry, I'm human and selfish.

Having said that, I've made a conscious effort to stay away from Zina and stuff like that; God knows how many times I've been tempted but I've tried really hard to keep from doing stuff like that purely because I DON'T want to be in the position where I have to decide whether or not to disclose such info to my SO. Because I stayed away from this, I expect that whoever I end up with to have done the same. It might be selfish and wrong, but if I had to "suffer" (sometimes it really does feel like that) than I want to know that the person I'm going to be with grappled with the same but made it through.

I'm not trying to talk down to anyone because for all I know, I could succumb tomorrow and end up sleeping with someone, but all I'm saying is I would be PISSED if I found out that the guy I was going to be spending time with wasn't a virgin because 1) I'M A VIRGIN 2) HE LIED TO ME. You're starting your relationship with a lie...and one that is a HUGE one and if found out could potentially destroy your marriage.

I guess if he doesn't ask, then you don't need to bring it up but if it DOES COME UP, I think you owe it to him to tell the truth.

And sorry but I totally agree with the poster that wrote about the ayah about fornicators with fornicators and chaste with chaste. Everyone makes mistakes, but part of the reason we've been given brains is to understand that our actions have far-reaching consequences.

**if it comes up she should back out quietly without offering an answer

u agree with the ayat so do I but i believe that Allah makes sure that that happens not mortals ....

i believe in the pardah ayat (re: post #6 posted by desmesme)**

[soconfused]

Re: Proposal from UK

**if it comes up she should back out quietly without offering an answer

u agree with the ayat so do I but i believe that Allah makes sure that that happens not mortals ....

i believe in the pardah ayat (re: post #6 posted by desmesme)**

I agree with you which is why I'm saying that she doesn't need to go upto him out of the blue and disclose that, but IF he brings it up somehow then I don't think she should lie. Or at least go through with the marriage telling him that she's a virgin.

[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Proposal from UK

I agree with you which is why I'm saying that she doesn't need to go upto him out of the blue and disclose that, but IF he brings it up somehow then I don't think she should lie. Or at least go through with the marriage telling him that she's a virgin.

**that would be the morally right thing to do...

if it comes up ....back out , but without confessing to your "zina" .... it's not necessary to tell him about her zina as long as she backs out from the rishta if he brings up the question of virginity or if he indicates that that is an important requirement for him
**