Property sheet of Man & Women

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
1

WORK PLACE
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
INFORMATION SYSTEM

               MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

              WOMAN -  A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT, WOMAN

SYMBOL, Wo2

ATOMIC MASS, ACCEPTED AS 125 LBS. BUT KNOWN TO VARY FROM 100 TO
500 LBS.

OCCURRENCE: COPIOUS QUANTITIES IN ALL URBAN AREAS

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
  2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
  3. Melts if given special treatment
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used
  5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
  6. Yields to pressure if applied to correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in
    alcohol
  5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES

  1. Highly ornamental especially in sports cars
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
  3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy when discover in the natural state
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

  2. Illegal to possess more than one(If its known)

                    HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
                INFORMATION SYSTEM

            MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

            MEN -  A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: MAN

SYMBOL: Ego

DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for
ribs.

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated
deposits at all sporting events and areas known as “singles bars”.
Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is
required. (See Women and Slave Labour)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

  1. Surface often covered with hair–bristly in some areas, soft in others.
  2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
  3. Melts if treated like a God.
  4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
  5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to
    extremely thick.
  6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only
    when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

  1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious
    metals and stones (See Jewellery Store). However, is attracted to small
    quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is
    believed woman’s skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly
    magnetic attraction for this element.
  2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
  3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention,reassurance,
    and stroking.
  4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other
    elements.
  5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
  6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of
    the malodorous variety.
  7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
  8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
  9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
    10.Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.

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