I am in a difficult situation;its not that big a problem but something that has been pinching me for yrs and yrs.
My father has always been the authoritarian in our house. He has kind of a very dictatorship style. Although he loves us a lot and i truly love him a lot too, there are still many problems with his behaviour towards us. I know its all as care and love for us and to make us better human beings but some things are not the way we the kidz are. My mother is a very humble down to earth woman, she is a very strong and patient woman. She is some one who is looked up by many in the family and outside but like many households she does not have much of a say if my father has passed a verdict.
Things that continuously pinch me are my father’s excessive criticism. I being the lady in the house was always deeply loved by all. But all in all, I dont like when my father criticizes little stuff that for me should not be mentioned by fathers to their daughters. To many of you who havent been in such a situation would not feel its a deal but he pin points my hairstyle so much and not in a very nice tone in in fact a very rude way. I always feel hurt the way he says it. He pin points my dressing which is always shalwar kameez and full covered too but the styles always get pinpointed. Then if i put on make up he dislikes that a lot.He does not at all like if i get my eye brows shaped or get waxing done etc. For him, a girl should be simple looking and not overly done. I know what he means but i know what is over the line and what isnt. These things are basics. I mean which girl doesnt put on make up or doesnt wear stylish shalwar kameez. I do not at all bathe with the make up or wear any vulgar or skin showing clothes.Every girl needs to maintain herself to some level. So for that i try and do these things in hiding. I mean i dont call wax waliez at home so that no fuss is created. I wax my own self. Hairstyles are always the way he likes. I try to hide or avoid things that may create an unneccesary scolding.
He is from a family in which people love boasting,shouting,gossiping,saying what ever they feel like,being bossy, having their way no matter what, being loud n rude, having no control over their anger. He would criticize on the food made, how we are sitting, how we talked when, how we misbehaved, how we were dressed, how dirty the things are, how unorganised the kitchen utensils and crockery is. From the largest thing to the smallest he participates.
Although he is a very educated person and some one many people think as having a very disciplined personality,his nature at home is very different its a bit too much of discipline all the time. He can be ultimate soft at one time and an explosive volcano at another time. He keeps pinpointing & criticizing my mother’s family all the time. Her sisters, brothers, sibling’s children etc. I get continuously irritated by all this stuff.My mother gets so tense and her blood pressure shoots up right away. I have tried talking with him but he can be so loud and scary that eventually i just keep quiet. Some of his decisions have been so wrong that they have effected the future of my family completely but he enforced us upon them. I am always able to understand his view point but i believe that there are better ways of saying all those things. He gets abusive and dangerously angry on the minutest of things.My siblings are not here so its just me who can handle anything.Talking it out wth him is no solution because he can be very attacking with his comments. My mother also doesnt have much say on many things because dad believes she is to be blamed for all the wrong going on. With all the everyday scolding and anger, i feel like revolting. I feel rebellious. Even if i utter a word when he is angry, thats calling for big trouble. Its a non stop flow of anger. He knows and realizes he has anger issues but he doesnt seem to control them well.He is very liberal in a way that he has permitted me to work and hang out with friends and participate in what ever college or work activities i want. But recently i have noticed that he has started suspecting me on things. If i am on the computer, he has a stern look and asks who are you chatting with. He checks out my look A-Z when i am going out of house whether it is decent or not.He keeps an eye on me if i am fiddling with my mobile and other such moments.
I know parents are supposed to take care of you. I also know he trusts me and loves me but his way of explaining his view point isnt right and me or my mother cannot do much about it as he has no such concept of listening to the other person. He does not realize how hurt me or my mother get. How terrible i feel when i feel he is suspecting me. I am of the age that he should trust me.I know how to dress up decently. I know how to do natural normal level make up, i know how to deal with co workers and class fellows. I do know who to talk and who not to talk to. I dont see myself being able to handle any of the situations except just making my self quiet and suppresses and doing just what he wants.
My mother understands my situation but she says that it isnt his fault. The family, the place, the upbringing he has had is like this. He may be able to understand his mistakes, he may not be able to rectify them at a point. He maybe educated well but his roots are not going to change. So we who are some what more patient should be patient with things.
Please advise what i can do. Also please do not use harsh or rude words regarding my father it would really hurt me more for putting the thread up. I just want sincere considerate advise. Thank you.