problems after my engagement.

[fasaadi]

@PyariCgudia

And this is why 20 year olds shouldn’t be getting married.

agreed!

@crazyfool

now the main problem is that my in laws are not social at all. so much so that we did not even have any engagement ceremony (my dad asked my father in law but he said abhee nahi) and they all did not meet my relatives as we did not have a ceremony, my parents were reluctant on ceremony because our financial conditions are not so good. we decided to invited them over on dinner and make our relatives meet but my mother was not feeling well and everyone forgot about it. .

so your parents wanted your in laws to have an engagement ceremony, and when they didnt, you claim they “arent social,” and then when your parents didn’t have a dawat for them, you were quick to have an excuse as to why? Sounds completely unfair to me, maybe your in laws also had an equally legitimate reason? Even when you were supposed to have a dinner JUST for them, your mom got sick and “everyone” forgot about it… I highly doubt your in laws forgot, but it was your parents’ farz to re-schedule it once your mom got better. Thats really bad etiquette.

Concerning why you don’t meet so much, consider it a blessing in disguise. People say that when you have a long engagement, its best for you to not “ghussao-fy” in your samdhan log anyways. Problems can EASILY occur between families and you dont want anything to happen that could possibly cause the engagement to be called off. Your mom really needs to get over the fact that your in laws arent meeting her and understand that there is a reason why people keep their distance…nothing is even going on and she’s making a fuss, can you imagine God forbid how big of a deal she would make if your in laws said or did something BLATANT that she didnt like?

My in laws sound a lot like yours, they don’t get to meet my family often but whenever they do, its with kindness and respect and they keep in touch on the phone as well. Its better to have people meet a few times a year and be happy with each other than meet all the time and have problems arise. And like someone else said, the unofficial desi rule book says that the larki walay are usually supposed to take the first steps in terms of inviting and doing khidmat.

@crazyfool

please give me tips about how to improve this?
i have talked to my fiancee and he says that his parents are that way. but they need to change. i cant fight abt it all the time.
please do reply and if u have a similar experience share it with me cause i cant tolerate it.

They don’t need to change, your parents need to change if they are creating fights about this all time. Why would your parents be worried about sending you into this family when your saas goes so out of her way for you? My saas was like that with me during my engagement as well, and my in laws dont act like your sisters in laws either, but no one has more loving in laws than me. I’m really happy and the sooner you learn to be grateful for what you have and not sweat the small stuff, the more successful of a marriage you will have.