Re: Problem with husband’s brothers wife…please HELP.
Here’s a suggestion. Stop worrying about what your SIL is doing/not doing. Stop telling your parents in law (PILs) what she is/isn’t doing. Stop worrying about what other people (yes, that includes your inlaws) think of you. You have no control over what others do or think. You can only control your thoughts and actions.
Instead, you be the better person*. *Invite ALL your inlaws over from time to time. If this one SIL refuses…well you did the right thing by making sure she was included. If/when she does invite you over when your PILs visit from abroad, go with a happy face and no expectations of another invite once the PILs leave. As for your children suffering because they can’t visit with their cousins…not to be harsh, but they’ll get over it. Children are champions at adjusting to just about every situation. They have other cousins and friends, I’m sure, and of course school and other activities to keep them busy. They’ll be fine. There are kids out there who don’t know what their parents look like. Be grateful your children have parents and relatives who love them and shower them with affection, even if one auntie ignores them.
And try to give her the benefit of the doubt. What you’re describing really does sound bad, I agree…but just for a moment consider her motives. I’m assuming you live in the states, so you know the reality here of the sheer work involved in just living your life. Not only do many of us have full time jobs, we have spouses and children and elderly parents to take care of. We have houses to clean and meals to cook and the crazy, desi social life that for most women, involves at least one big daavat every month (or every other month) which can take days of grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. Because we have no drivers here. No dhobis, no maasis, no help. We’re the drivers and the dhobis and maasis. Now…add to this when relatives, especially PILs come to visit for months at a time from the motherland. Because they come from far away after a long time, most want their children with them constantly, hulla gulla almost 24/7, weekly family dinners, family trips, etc. And since the visits are at least a month (sometimes 3 to 4 times that), it’s just constant work, work, work, especially for the women of the family. So once the PILs go home, the ladies are EXHAUSTED. Maybe they just want to relax at home (before the next round begins) and that could be why all the “togetherness” dies down for a while and there aren’t as many dinner invites. So maybe there is a reason. Maybe she invites everybody over when the PILs are over, not to “look good” but because it’s expedient. It’s a good way to just invite everybody once and get things DONE instead of having multiple parties/dinners over the course of the year. Maybe she hangs out with the older sister more because she just “clicks” with her better. That happens. I love all my SILs to pieces but there’s one I’m extra close to and spend more time with simply because we have similar ways of thinking and common interests. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to exclude my other SILs.
Or maybe not. Maybe she’s not the best person in the world and needs to improve.
But don’t we all? So forget about her and everybody else. Worry about yourself. The rest you leave in the hands of Allah SWT.
thanks for ur reply. my parents-in-law live here in UK with her…she tries her best to impress them…however, if they go away for some time…she totally changes…so why the "dikhawa"in front of my parent-in-laws