Let me first state that i’m only 21, and have not had any kids of my own, so take what I say with a grain of salt.:DIn the other thread somewhere our fellow members were discussing about “Having Children?” and related socical norms in our culture. So I thought it would be interested in hearing what people have to say about adoption. As you know Islam discourages adoption althought and therefore i am here learn with you all. While conversing with my friend on this,one topic that came up was the difficulty of adopting an infant, so this would leave something out of the “parenting process” that you’d get if you birthed your own.
It was interesting that many seemed convinced that something can be gotten from a birth of one’s own flesh and blood that one cannot receive from adoption and subsequent parentship of that nature. Is this purely biological condition, in that we feel driven to have a child and hold it as paramount, simply because it’s instinct?
Just my late afternoon musings… don’t feel limited to responding to the ideas in this post in particluar.. I want to hear ALL your ideas on any and all Pros and Cons of Adoption. And what you personally think on this.
Re: Pro/cons Of Adoption
I have to say that I did really want to create a new life with my husband who I love so very much. This is something that I truly wanted to do with him and for him. With all the troubles that we had, we were ready and willing to adopt. And adoption is no easier than carrying and delivering your own creation. The baby or babies are YOURS whether or not you delivered them.
The process is very tough either way. And NO ONES business other than yours and your husbands. All others can take their comments and observations and un-asked for advice to the town dumps!
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Do you have to do a paper in your school or something? :)
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I don't think that Islam "discourages" adoption but there are specific rules stated in Quran, you need to abide by.
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Islam does not discourage adoption, Islam has specific guidelines, the concept of ‘adoption’ in Islam is more akin to foster-parenting
if you recall the prophet himself had ‘adopted’
you have to treat the kids like na-mehrams when they are of a certain age (btw a quick workaround is for the adopive mother to breast feed them, and then voila, things change)
they dont have the same rights for inheritance that your biological kids do (presumably was done so ppl can adopt without having resistance form their kids due to concern abotu sharing the inheritance), and it also works the other way, adoptive parents dont have teh rights to any assets of the adopted kid to avoud ppl adopting orphaned kids of rich parents. teh quick workaround to that is, that other ppl who would otherwise inherit, siblings etc, officially give up their claim and let the adopted child have that.
you can not give an adopted kid your last name, unless the adopted childs family name is unknown. part of the reason is that the background of the kid should be known etc, however if there is no information about the kid then you can do so. Biggest thing is that adoptio should not be hidden (sadly in islamic republic of pakistan majority of adoptions are hidden because of our jahil culture)
there is a lot more but just in the interest of time and accuracy I wanted to note that your statement was incorrect and to provide some context.
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Obviously the process of child bearing is just phenomenal; there is no comparison to it. Anyhow, adoption itself is a very noble cause. It gives you this great feeling that you are making a significant difference in the life of this child who is not your blood, who is not your flesh, a child who was deprived of parents love, a child who didn't have any hope of a healthy life & family, and a child who can just stare the stars but can't reach them.
I think it really depends on the person, how you look at it. If you keep thinking that it is not your blood and therefore you can never treat them like your child, then yes you might not be able to so. But if you think the other way that this is not your blood but it still deserves the best out of this world, then you can make wonders in the life of that adopted child.
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it depends on the people quite heavily.
I have adopted twins, I frankly dont look at them and think o they are adoped, to me they are my kids, as if they were our biological kids.
We had our biological twins 2 years ago and they passed away, so I guess the parenting experience of finding out you are expecting, seeing the belly grow and feeling them move and grow and all is part of the experience. so yes you miss out on a number of parenting experiences, and maybe some ppl have a harder time building the same type of bond as they would with their biological child.
there are many pros and cons of adoption, many depending on the society, culture and family, and others depending on information availability.
and actually it is much easier to adopt an infant than an older child, the pro of that is better chances of building a real bond, cons are that if there are any developmental issues that the kid has you will not know, but that is also true for biological kids, if you give birth to a child who has some developmental weaknesses or some issues, you may not readily know also. in adoption it can be a bigger question since in many cases you dont know whether the mother smoked or drank while expecting or did drugs, you dont know if the kid has risks of thinks like ALS etc. when u adopt an older child u are much better able to see if theyhave met all their milestones.
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I think adoption is a beautiful gift.
Obviously there are clear rules in Islam about adoption, for the protection of both the child and the adoptive parent.
My husband and I would love to adopt some day when our youngest is a little older. I think that as muslims we have a responsibility to help care for children who are orphaned, and what better way than to take them into our homes and raise them. A few members of my famly were adopted, so it's not a huge concern for me, but what has stopped us up to this point has been worry about how his family would treat any child that we adopted.
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Islam does NOT discourage adoption. Islam simply discourages treating the child as a biological child in terms of inheritance, etc and hiding their true identity/biological parents/adoption from them.
Please keep that distinction straight. I don't know who propogates the lie that adoption is discouraged in Islam. The prophet himself raised an orphan.
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I had my first child as soon as we were ready. But for my 2nd child we tried for several years and had given up even thinking about another child. My husband suggested adoption. And that was when I had to seriously consider what adoption would really mean to us. I love kids and kids love me...most of them ... bcos I love reading and singing to them and spending time playing their wonderful baby games. I used to be very open about adoption, but when I had to seriously consider it, I thought - would I really be able to love an adopted child as much as my own, would I be fair to him/her, would there be an underlying favoritism? Or would I favour the adopted child to over-compensate him/her? You can't realise how you will react to a situation until you are actually in that situation. I could not go through with it bcos I thought I would not be able to treat them absolutely equally. And those who adopt have done such a noble deed that I truly admire them.
BTW we also faced a lot of snide comments about infertility during those years. It was so very difficult.
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exactly..not only that but there are immense rewards for such an act.
Please keep that distinction straight. I don't know who propogates the lie that adoption is discouraged in Islam. The prophet himself raised an orphan.
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**ok the kid is not getting an share in the property ,plus u are telling him/her that u are not his/her real parents wont you think that this thing will hurt the kid soo badly.like emotionally..my question is if we are adopting a child then why not forgetting it that from where he/she has come and treating him like our own child.i am just asking about its Pro/Cons:hoonh: **
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^ It's better than finding out that those people who raised you and whom you trusted all your life were lying to you.
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I think adopting is such a noble act...An act of sharing love and care ....Its just amazing how an unwanted/or orphaned child can be given a second chance to get the love and caring that he/she deserves. Every child has God given right to be loved and Nurtured. I would love to adopt one day...in the meanwhile I praise all the people who do....Bravo! May Allah pour His Blessings on you for this loving act.
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as i noted the kid can get a share in the property, if you follow sharia rulings on inheritance, all you have to do is have the other ppl give up their rights to the inheritence, which is not a hard thing to do. although i do know of one situaton where an adopted girl’s prents died and the uncles took the house and all property and gave her zlich, buncha low lifes.
as far as telling the child that you adopted him/her is required, additionally it is also a huge thing about trust, kid finding out decdes later by accident that he/she was adopted can play havoc on them, tell them early and in a way that its not something to hide or to be ashamed of. Most ppl in this field agree that telling them sooner is better.
You can treat a child as if it is your biological kid, and still be able to tell the child that you adopted him/her.
Of course ground reality in countries like Pakistan is very different, there is such a taboo shroud surrounding it, and the adopted kids have a likelihood of not being treated well by family members, neighburs or even servants, so people hide it in majority of the cases.
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And in case mother cannot breastfeed the child male/female, does father/mother still have to treat the child as a na mehram?
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Please keep that distinction straight. I don't know who propogates the lie that adoption is discouraged in Islam. The prophet himself raised an orphan.
agreed
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My aunt adopted a 6 days old girl and she loved her as her own child and she gave her everything she had.
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why are you copy pasting from other forum??. I was part of respondent from this topic on other forum. This topic has been posted by member name stealth there..a moderator from www.muziqpakistan.com. How lame one can be natalia?
regards,
samantha haroon