Qrius & AAA, thanks for responding. AAA, we've all lived a life of mistakes, no one hasn't. But how we learn from them and make up for those mistakes is what counts.
Qrius, pls. definitely do share. I'd be interested in reading.
I spoke to an acquaintance recently. 25, 2 yr marriage, expecting first kid, medical doctor from Pakistan (non-practising), who quite stunned me with something she said, that's why I'm asking this question today to working women. She said that her parents are no longer part of her own family, and if her family suffered a crisis, she would rather work to benefit herself and her husband than her own parents or siblings. She said, and I quote: "They should take care of themselves. I won't undermine my marriage for my parent's security, and my siblings are not my concern". Now this is a very normal, jovial and nice woman who keeps very close contact with her parents and siblings, visits them very often, yet she can afford the luxury of separating out her emotions into compartments for how much duty one owes to whom. She doesn't work, she's eldest of a line of girls, her father's on a pension, mom is a housewife, but she herself flatly refuses to help out her parents, either now or later. What was a bit troubling for me was that she's a doctor, plus she's a local resident, I always thought that doctors who have degrees should do something with them, esp if they don't have visa hurdles. I wish I was a doctor, but frankly I didn't have the smarts for it. She said if her child was born and they needed money, she might consider going out and working to help her husband out, but that was it. And I'd always thought of her as the perfect wife.
And after that, I talk to a few more of my degreed housewifey friends, and they all echoed the very same thing.
So my dilemma is this - as someone's spouse, and someone's daughter/sister/aunt/niece/etc.. how much do you owe someone? How do you go about setting priorities? When you're employed by someone, it's clear-cut where your loyalties should lie in that area. But a family isn't a legally-binding contract really. If someone's brought you up and educated to their best ability, yet you take that degree and bring home a paycheck every month that goes into a joint account with your spouse - is that fair? Does a nephew's education have more priority than your own esp. when you already have a degree? How do you detach yourself from one family and move on to another? Would you sell your car to pay your dad's medical bill, esp. if that's the only car you got? If you're not married, yet you are the one slogging 8 hours a day in a flourescent cage, do you necessarily feel like sharing with your parents/guardians? If you don't do any sharing business, how do you justify it? Of course, if you family is wealthy and can manage itself, that's entirely different, but here I'm mainly talking about aging parents, unschooled or umemployed siblings or their kids, your own spouses and kids, in average income families that depend on a salary.
And also, how much should your spouse be willing to give up? Is it fair on him (since we're talking women here) to be willing to forgo sit-down breakfasts, lunches and sometimes even dinners, while you share the burden of bringing up baby?
How do you even begin to prioritize your life?
I also want to know how the educated housewife mentality thinks different from the working woman mentality. How do you justify staying at home all day flipping soap opera channels (been there, done that). Is it really just because of the kids that you stay at home, or that you want to stay at home and you enjoy it? All which is perfectly fine as well. If you don't have kids, how important are three sit-down meals a day and embroidered bedcovers to you? What is your perception of women who go out to work?
I don't know if all this making any sense, but what I just want to know is what women think, and how they think up all these things, and why. Mebbe some things here r too personal, but I just thought I'd ask.
uff.. phir khabi purrraaaaa par kar jawab doon gi.