My Dear Countrymen!
Today, I am going to reveal you briefly, some of my great achievements in the past seven and half years period. So please listen carefully and then I leave it to you to decide yourselves what is in the “national interest”.
I kicked the elected Prime Minister out of country… I ruined my oath and the constitution… I appointed myself Chief Executive of Pakistan but then I thought that I instead should be the President of this proprietory concern named Pakistan, so I started calling myself “President of Pakistan”… I (myself) passed the ordinance to raise my salary and perks… I made the nuclear hero apologies for the services rendered to my country… I kidnapped more than 300 Pakistanis and sell them to my masters to earn some useful foreign exchange. If someone else is willing to voluntarily contribute to this fund raising campaign and wish to sacrifice himself, he should come forward and contact me at the earliest because this is going to make my task far more easier otherwise I have to pick n choose for these scapegoats myself.
I gifted the Habib Bank to “Stateless Prince” Kareem Agha Khan and gave away PTCL (the most profit-making national institution’s) 26% share and transferred its management to Arab friends without even taking the first installment… I almost sold steel mill at price of a plastic toys manufacturing factory. In short, my “corruption-free” government, with the help of my “IMPORTED” Prime Minister and artistically crafted leadership of Ch. Shujaat Hussain selling the national assets to earn some handsome amounts for “OUR” next generations through under-table deals in these hasty privatization of national assets beside earning billions in maliciously managed stock market manipulations from time to time.
Furthermore, I made PCO affected apex court to take shelter under the doctrine of necessity (the way my predecessors did)… I made the chief justice “BEG” for justice just to make an exemplary case for those who dare not to surrender… I am shifting GHQ to Islamabad at a nominal cost of Rs.1000 Billion just to make sure that any future Generals don’t have to travel that long from Rawalpindi to conquer Islamabad… I successfully cornered and marginalized the major political parties and instead allowed the fascist and regional parties to prosperous and do whatever they wish under tight security of the state and I have successfully created another East Pakistan like situation!
I hereby would like to put some light on the recent Karachi massacres; it was just a glimpse of the “show of power” from our partners (MQM) as I described it on the evening of 12th May in Islamabad while addressing the governmental rally. Admitting that MQM is a fascist party working like a MAFIA in Karachi, but I have to ignore and even protect their misdeeds because I need Altaf “BHAi’s” support to be (S)elected for another term otherwise they are going to blackmail me once again by threatening to resign and I may have to pour some more money into their mouth just to keep BHAIS’ mouth shut.
My Dear Countrymen! I know the rising concerns of the masses about their personal security, but to tell you frankly, I besides being the “LIFETiME” Army Chief, still do not feel secure here and I know its due to my brother Bush’s so-called war on terror but I too, need the security and it is in the broader “NATIONAL INTEREST” for the ordinary people to sacrifice their lives at the cost of the security of your SELF-PROCLAIMED leader.
And it may be an astonishing news and may come your way like a fresh air blower that the MPs who were themselves “ELECTED” for a five years term, are going to SELECT me for 10 years as a “President in uniform” (although its just a formality and I don’t really need their validation to remain at you SERVICE). But to tell you, these political “YATEEMs” do not have any options to choose from because I successfully managed to push these time-servers to a dark street which only leads them to me either they wish or not, but they have to keep me happy and thats their only job!
And in the end, I once again want to assure you my dear countrymen that the exiled political leaders will not be allowed to return before the upcoming (S)elections in the broader “NATIONAL INTEREST”. We might consider letting them in afterwards if they promise to accept the so-called legitimization of my rule. So lets vote for my PML(Q)'s time-serving “CHAMCHAS” who have taken oath to never tell a truth and remain loyal to me (not to Pakistan) because as long as I am going to stay at top as a DAWN, the jobs of these little “GHUNDAs” will remain intact. So vote for them so that I could enlighten you to make you an even more moderate (buzdil) nation. Thank you…
Yours Pervaiz Mush