Han so see you hve every right to reject such rishtas but dont condemn them for being honest about it from the very begining.
So they are not?
of course they are. I was presenting why a girl's marriage is considered parents responsibility in pakistan whereas girls abroad can plan for it themselves cuz they are used to be independant and etc.
If it comes to this point that the guy feels he has to do it because he is "obligated" to do it and not because he wants to do it, then i think there is not much use to it. I pity such people who have to think twice before actually wanting to be the one doing all this for their family/siblings. Money comes and goes, its the relationships that stay. So save up all you want on the money at the cost of those relationships but eventually u will figure out what costed you more ;).
I totally agree with you. I guess I"m looking at it from a very basic perspective
If women were encouraged to be educated and stand on their own two feet, life wouldn't be so difficult...in so many ways.
Unfortunatley they're not, our people are stuck in teh mindset that: a girl meeting female friends = slut.
Yep. What I resent and I think this is where Ashy is coming from, are those families that say hamari beti shezaadi hai - oh, she could never work - it's beneath her shaan. Yet, at the same time, would expect another family's daughter/their bahu to slave to support the family. It's the inequity of such a situation. If the daughters and the DIL are all working and sharing the burden, I don't see a problem.
Hmm okay thats a slightly different scenario I think.
If a woman is okay with working before marriage, she should be okay working after IF she believes that its for her household/savings.
I was under the assumption that the wife's salary would be used for her nand's weddings and that's what I don't agree with.
Is it different than the scenario where wife's salary should be used for her household coz her husband's salary is NOT available to her as it is being used to meet his family's responsibility, lavish jehaiz etc.? Why would the wife be working the whole day when its her husband's responsibility to provide for her who on the other hand is preparing lavish jehaiz for his 3-5 sisters? She might not say this openly but this definitely will affect their relationship in the long run.
They might have some savings. But still it is expected of the bros to support the family. It is expected that the bros prepare gud jehaiz for their sisters so that they can get gud proposals. Parents usually delay the marriages of their sons becuase of this reaon. But sometimes they marry their sons so that the wife can share the financial burden.
Even if the sisters are earning, they are not expected to spend a penny on their wedding in our society. And if the bro's wife asks to have a contribution from the sister's savings, she will be considered as an EVIL bahu.
Ok this scenario is different. There is a MAJOR difference if the guy HAS to support the entire family b/c of a total lack of money on their part.....versus where he feels obligated even though the parents/sisters have their own money.
The bottom line would be that I would not marry a man who's not willing to make his wife/future children his 1st priority. What if something happens that prevents me from working? What about when we have kids and I want to stay home and not work? In the case where the family has money but the guy just feels "obligated" to spend his money on them....then the only way I'd consider his proposal if if HIS income (and his income alone) is enough to support his parents, sisters, and a wife/future kids. I would never want to be in a situation where I can't stay at home with my children b/c my husband feels "obligated" to support his parents/sisters despite them having their own money.
Ok this scenario is different. There is a MAJOR difference if the guy HAS to support the entire family b/c of a total lack of money on their part.....versus where he feels obligated even though the parents/sisters have their own money.
The bottom line would be that I would not marry a man who's not willing to make his wife/future children his 1st priority. What if something happens that prevents me from working? What about when we have kids and I want to stay home and not work? In the case where the family has money but the guy just feels "obligated" to spend his money on them....then the only way I'd consider his proposal if if HIS income (and his income alone) is enough to support his parents, sisters, and a wife/future kids. I would never want to be in a situation where I can't stay at home with my children b/c my husband feels "obligated" to support his parents/sisters despite them having their own money.
Hmmm... So I am not being unreasonable in my thinking as other girls can have similar thinking. I was being embarassed if I was to reject such a proposal. Of course I will definitley want to support my husband in every thick and thin. But earning forcefully so that he can meet his family 'obligations' would be tiring for me since I will need to bring up my kids also.
Hmmm... So I am not being unreasonable in my thinking as other girls can have similar thinking. I was being embarassed if I was to reject such a proposal. Of course I will definitley want to support my husband in every thick and thin. But earning forcefully so that he can meet his family 'obligations' would be tiring for me since I will need to bring up my kids also.
Oh no, it's not only you. Most of my female desi friends would say the same thing! All the talk about relationships being important is great....but the FACT remains that money is important. Sooooo many things can go wrong. Wife or husband can have accident or get an illness that prevents one of them from working. Their kids can get an illness that requires expensive treatment. You need to think about kids school cost. Husband or wife can lose their job b/c of lay offs. The list goes on and on.
I love my parents and siblings to death and would do anything for them. My parents made sure that I pursued higher education and have a stable, well-paying career. My sisters are following similar paths. BUT once married, my husband and children will be my #1 priority. If a man (and his family) does not share my same values, then marrying him will only lead to disaster.
why dont people think about these issues before bearing a child?
sadly, a girl from a big family have very limited choices.. she cant really demand much but to simply compromise on many aspects
The bottom line would be that I would not marry a man who's not willing to make his wife/future children his 1st priority. .
Now that is slightly wrong, how can you expect a man to forget his family just for his wife. They should be at equal levels. So if his parents get ill and need to have expensive treatments, would you not let him do it because it will put a strain on your lifestyle.
Now that is slightly wrong, how can you expect a man to forget his family just for his wife. They should be at equal levels. So if his parents get ill and need to have expensive treatments, would you not let him do it because it will put a strain on your lifestyle.
You need to pay attention to all the posts that relates to my comment instead of picking out that one line. I wrote that specific line in reference to a situaion where the man is supporting his parents/adult sisters out of "obligation" and NOT b/c the parents/sisters don't have the money.
In the scenario you described, if the parents need expensive treatments and the parents have their own money that can pay for it.......then yes, I see no reason why the parents can't pay for their own treatment if they have the money to do it. BUT if the parents are poor and do not have the money to pay for their own treatments....then of course I'd support my husband in giving them money.
If a husband wants to support his parents b/c they truly need it and do not have the money to support themselves....that's understandable. Howwever, if a man wants to spend his income on his parents b/c he feels an "obligation"...even though his parents have their own money and are capable of supporting themselves.....then yes, I'd have a problem with that b/c I'd rather have that money go towards our own children's education and towards our own retirement/savings account.
I would say no, because I wouldn't want to be part of a family that doesn't encourage their daughters to stand on their own two feet and place teh burden on the parents/brothers to marry them off.
Brother/parents have every right to help out and give gifts and whatnot to their daughters/sisters, but it should be on a want-to basis, not a have-to.