Ok, we’re a week away from the big kick off so I thought I’d do this, for my own amusement more than anything.
A few things first:
- I’m gonna group the teams into categories because I tried to guess place for place last year and I was just crap (I predicted too little change from the season before).
- Anything I say doesn’t take into account transfers that could happen, may happen, might happen etc so no Tevez, Senna, Mascherano, Torres centre midfield for Man United.
- PREMIERSHIP or PREMIER LEAGUE preview; I dislike calling it the EPL - hey, I don’t call it the ANBA.
Ok, no surprises first:
Title Contenders
Chelsea - They should be in this group on their own but I don’t wanna put anyone off reading from watching the ‘EPL’ this year (ok, it’s easier). They’ve actually lost their two most creative passers (Damien Duff and Eidur Gudjohnsen) which doesn’t bode well for their Champions League campaign when the matches get tighter. However they’ve offset this somewhat by promising to be that much more clinical taking their goalscoring opportunities by insanely managing to add Ballack and especially Shevchenko. Boooooooooo!
Liverpool - I’m not a fan of Liverpool’s playing style, it’s kinda like Chelsea-lite and I swear the two teams just shouldn’t be allowed to play each other because it’s usually awful to watch, for me as a neutral anyway. However I respect Benitez’s efforts in building and coaching this side. I believe Liverpool with it’s current set of players are as good as they ever will be this upcoming season; Bellamy is an upgrade for Cisse. But ultimately I don’t think it’s gonna be enough to net them the title.
Champions League Chasers (Sorry other two red teams; not this year)
Tottenham - Let me re-iterate these are categories! I don’t necessarily believe Spurs will finish third. The GOATs have made some solid signings; Zokora and if necessary contribution from Huddlestone should replace Carrick more than adequately. They still have no left winger though which makes the team defensively vulnerable and attackingly lopsided, but at least it looks like we’ve signed a left footed left back. Jermaine Jenas has to start playing consistently well for the team to go anywhere significant.
Arsenal - Arsene Wenger is the master of spotting, nurturing and even cutting young talent if he doesn’t feel they’re of the quality Arsenal demands (see Quincy Owusu-Abeyie, David Bentley etc). This is great for Arsenal, because most of their improvement will come from within this year. Perhaps Rosicky could provide more than an ageing Pires, but you have to keep in mind that like Hleb, Rosicky will need time to learn the intricacies of playing on the Arsenal wings, which he surely will do unless they’re playing 4-5-1 in Europe or Fabregas is resting. Gilberto is crucial and they will miss Cole if or when he leaves.
Man United - Sorry friends, but I need to predict more movement, and if there’s one team that could have a worse year out of the big four this year, I predict it’s Man U (although I did consider Arsenal maybe taking time to settle into the Emirates Stadium). Man U’s fate rests so heavily on the two most talented, but also highly volatile, players in the Premier League - Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo. With his mix of tenacity, athleticism, and also life as a former striker, Alan Smith is currently the best midfield partner for Michael Carrick, but they still need to upgrade here.
Aspirations of Europe
Newcastle - Fool’s gold, and noone should consider putting them higher than 6th. Will be sublime at times at St James Park, will be ridiculous often too. Their defence looks like it could concede on a regular basis in the Championship (the division below the Premiership for anyone unaware). Damien Duff also better have put in extra shooting practice, because Shola Ameobi will barely make double figures in league goals, whilst Michael Owen’s status is uncertain.
Everton - The English media are gonna go crazy over the good old English little-and-large up front pairing of Andy Johnson and James Beattie, writing about how they’re the greatest forward combination since Pele and Maradona maybe practiced once together. Meanwhile the same fans who wanted David Moyes out will argue he’s the most underrated manager in the Premier League. Americans should also be keen to see how Tim Howard does as first choice keeper for Everton, following his loan move from Man United.
Fulham - I don’t know why but I like Fulham this year, which is strange considering I had them to go down last year. I like the manager Chris Coleman, especially when he goes mental on referees at pitchside as if he was contesting a call in the MLB. I also saw an MTV Cribs episode which featured captain Luis Boa Morte and want to know why he’s living in the footballer’s equivalent of abject poverty - he owns one car, a Vauxhall Corsa, owns one suit which Fulham gave him and lives in a regular 3 bedroom house in the suburbs.
West Ham - Great season last season in their first season back (wow, three times), and will continue to play good football. They’ve made some quiet but decent signings, Ghanaian defender John Pantsil who did well enough in the World Cup to celebrate by waving his israeli flag was bought for a fee that could rise to £1million which is a bargain. Meanwhile, Lee Bowyer (who I detest) will become rising star Nigel Reo-Coker’s first midfield team-mate who can actually tackle another player. They need that to ensure their attractive football is rewarded with points.
Man City - Young manager Stuart Pearce, in the lead up to his second full season, has cleared house in an effort to stamp his mark on this team. He hasn’t quite replaced the numbers so Man City look thin and will probably look to their youngsters. This is where highly regarded Tunisian World Cup full back Hatem Trabelsi will be playing this season. Micah Richards is a huge 17 year old.
Mid-Table Mediocrity (any team but Pompey from this group are liable to fall into the group below)
Portsmouth - Harry’s at it again, wheeler-dealing and bringing in players from all around the place. David James, Sol Campbell, Glen Johnson, David Thompson have all arrived, which suggests Harry regards name value quite highly, although in fairness they are all good players.
Blackburn - Big faller for me, I found it hard to place these next four teams. They will miss Craig Bellamy sorely, his finishing was the icing on their angry, angry cake. Their schedule will also be harder with a UEFA Cup campaign looming. If they’re to even come close to emulating last season’s 6th place in the league, they need to unearth another Morten Gamst-Pedersen or two. Oh, they have managed to finally sign Benni McCarthy after about 67 years of trying.
Wigan - I think Paul Jewell handled the whole wantaway Pascal Chimbonda affair with great dignity. However I think Wigan will struggle somewhat this season; they’ve sold quite a few players, most crucially Jimmy Bullard to Fulham who hadn’t missed a game for Wigan in the last two years. Their points tally after christmas following their great start last year was also pretty rubbish.
Bolton Big Sam Allardyce openly confesses he was gutted not to be made England manager (which was a good thing incidentally), the question is how motivated is he for the upcoming year? He’s been at Bolton for a long time, and out the door this summer went influential players Jay-Jay Okocha, Radhi Jaidi and Bruno N’Gotty. Everybody’s up for a physical war against Bolton.
Charlton Alan Curbishley’s gone after doing so much for the club, and now it’s Ian Dowie’s turn, who was last in the Premiership managing Crystal Palace. Darren Bent needs to prove he’s not a one season wonder, particularly with the chance to really cement his place in the England squad now a sane man’s in charge. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink’s back in London.
Relegation Dogfight
Middlesborough - Gareth Southgate’s a nice guy, but how do you make him your manager when he hasn’t so much as done a coaching course? I think last season’s UEFA Cup finalists are in trouble. Their team is an unhealthy mix of green youngsters and out of their prime veterans, and anyone close to their prime (Stuart Downing’s only 22 and doesn’t count) isn’t that good. It must be morale sapping to play in a stadium with so many empty seats too.
Aston Villa - Out - the manager, players in… nobody. This is a sinking ship, with kids at the helm.
Reading, Sheffield United, Watford - Okay, I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t watch the championship last year so I know little to nothing about these teams. Looking at the squad lists on skysports.com I’m excited to see super Ade Akinbiyi back in the Premiership after his memorable stint with Leicester for all the wrong reasons. What I will say is this though, Wigan set the blueprint on how to survive in your first year in the Premiership, and it’s not about winning the huge games at the end of the season when every team is fighting for their lives, it’s about catching teams cold early on in the season. For what its worth, on paper at least, Watford look the weakest.