Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman
It’s a really bad deal for someone who believes divorce(regardless of options) as something to be a means of absolute last resort, to get married to someone who sees it as a tool to win arguments or to prove a point or is just immature about it.
I think it will only upset her and her family. Even if this rishta doesn’t work out, everyone involved wants to remain on good terms with each other.
Yes, she was born and raised in the US. She is a patient and educated girl. The guy’s side was introduced by another common friend over Skype. Both sides liked each other. The girl’s parents totally like this guy primarily because he is from the same neighbourhood in Pakistan as they themselves grew up in and see a strong connection. So some more friendly group meetings were set up so the guy and the girl can get to know each other more. The difficult thing for the guy’s side(and for others) to interpret is casual statements by the girl on different occasions such as, “I will never leave my parents”, “I will never be the typical wife”, “honeymoon should be at least 1 month long”, “your(the guy’s) parents cannot tell me anything”, etc. Others present tried to discuss this more to get a better understanding and it got super awkward super fast. The honeymoon bit came up after the guy mentioned that he doesn’t want to spend too much on his wedding as he’ll be paying for everything himself. Both have never married before. Also, her mom interrupted her a few times when she starts going into detail about these things. So it’s a lot of guess work at this stage as to what actually is on through this girl’s mind.
I wonder if whatever she said was mere childish talk on her part or she really meant it. If she really meant it then one will have to think how flexible she’ll be about that and other unforeseeable things. Having difference of opinion is one thing but seeking divorce instead of resolving issues and compromising here and there is quite another. That is the rabbit hole this rishta is going down nowadays.
Being smart and knowledgeable is not an issue. The issue is whether the smarts/knowledge is going to be used in building things or destroying things. I have a prenup in place but for me a marriage is forever, unless something super crazy happens.
Sorry to hear that you went through it. I totally get that it is the right thing to do in certain scenarios. I’m glad things eventually worked out for you real well but everyone is not so lucky. I agree with you that the first time we meet someone, there isn’t much we can predict about them and especially about something as serious as their beliefs about divorce. But during later meetings in the process, there might be. I don’t like the idea of putting people under microscope. Not at all. But if there is a big red flag of some sort, it’s not wise to ignore that. Some may think this effort is frivolous but I think may be there is something that people have figured out that is useful especially for those who are not getting married themselves and are involved in advisory roles since they can evaluate things more dispassionately.
I agree that marriage is ultimately a gamble, but there are good gamblers out there who may give bad gamblers a few tips.
“I will never leave my parents”, “I will never be the typical wife”, “honeymoon should be at least 1 month long”, “your(the guy’s) parents cannot tell me anything”
The lady is trying to say no without actually saying it. She doesn’t wanna get married or at least does not want to get married to this guy. Who says these things? She’d phrase these preferences differently if she was actually serious about the whole thing. I’d nope the f out of the whole thing hearing just one of these things.