So, I’am getting married next year and am constantly being reminded of it by my parents (especially my mother). She always says ‘You can’t get away with that at your in-laws’ or ‘Learn how to cook qorma’ or ‘life after shaadi is a nightmare’.
All I’ve heard from them is the negative about shaadi and now Iam expecting it to be a horrible life! It’s making me more jittery and nervous
Has anyone else had this experience with their parents? and for those of you who are married, were your parents predictions about marriage correct? is it really that gloomy?
yea, i had a lot of 'calm down and stop shouting'. i'm the eldest and pretty much responsible for all my siblings so i'm very shouty and my dad was always worried i would show my self up in front of inlaws. i was like 'hey, when they aren't stressing me out, i have no reason to shout'.
as for the food thing, that was coming from my mil but my dad was like 'you'll get plenty of practice when you have to cook every day so chill'. and then he told her that she couldn't cook nor had much education when she got married and that i'll have a phd (iA). that shut her up.
they just want the best for you, especially if you're living with your in laws. it can be pretty hard unless they are very accommodating and treat you at least 90% like their own, which is really rare.
In my house it's always the same. Khana pakana shoro kardo, ghar ke kamo mai haath batao, wahan jaa kar khud sara kuch khud karna parreyga and so on. We don't have a maid in our house anymore because mum wants us to take the load and responsibility and learn to do stuff on our own.
Lol well I am getting married in 2 months and My mom is always reminding me the things that she tolerates that my inlaws won't. and its sometimes very extreme and i know she is just exaggerating partly because she is saying these things when she is angry. Cooking wise, i would like to learn cooking. School and work doesnt leave no time. But hopefully in next few weeks i will start doing that since my soon to be hubby loves food. lol
gosh Tklucky! 2 months! hope it all goes well for you! are you nervous? excited?
I know my mum means well as all parents do but it's really putting me off marriage. I am sure my mother in law will always be mean or rude to me and same goes for my husband! and I know its a minefield after marriage but the bad side has been drummed into my head so much that I will never expect anything good to happen. All my mum is saying is 'never expect, because as soon as you expect, you will be disappointed'. she paints such a gloomy picture of marriage that its a wonder that her marriage lasted so long! Alhumdulilah.
well I think it has not hit me yet that I don't have much time left till the big day! Partly because the actual shopping and all have not started yet. But yeah i am Nervous and freaking out about every little thing. Being the first one in my family to get married is even worst because its all new to my parents and siblings.
As far as your mom saying don't expect too much. I think she is right in some ways that most girls go with a sweet happy picture in their mind and get disappointed even if one thing is not what they expect. If you get married expecting bad things and good things as well. Then you wont be disappointed so, i would say don't ignore what your mom says but know in your heart that there are Goods and Bads in everything and she is only showing you the negative side to prepare you :)
gosh Tklucky! 2 months! hope it all goes well for you! are you nervous? excited?
I know my mum means well as all parents do but it's really putting me off marriage. I am sure my mother in law will always be mean or rude to me and same goes for my husband! and I know its a minefield after marriage but the bad side has been drummed into my head so much that I will never expect anything good to happen. All my mum is saying is 'never expect, because as soon as you expect, you will be disappointed'. she paints such a gloomy picture of marriage that its a wonder that her marriage lasted so long! Alhumdulilah.
ahhh..still gotta love her for it!
Best of luck for both of you!!! I am not that close to this situation yet - but I am getting engaged this Saturday and my mom has ALREADY started drumming certain things into my head. SHe does so especially because I am in a very odd situation - I live in a different state from my parents and actually live in the same city as my fiance-to be and his family. This is where I went to college and now job. So even before shaadi - I am at their house all the time and already being treated like the "bahu". I know exactly what you are talking about stardust when you say that "everything has been drummed into my head so much that I will never expect anything good to happen". My mom gives me the same advice as well. And obvi she has my best interests at heart and I am sure she is freaking out about the weird situation I am in (living closer to my MIL than her before the shaadi). So you are not alone with your feelings Stardust. It is actually comforting to know that I am not the only one out there that feels the way you do.
Tklucky - I am also the eldest! Everything is new for my parents. That does not make it easier.
Just chill out guysss... I'm sure it will be awesome. I'm getting married soon and I expect to be myself wherever I am. Be confident in your personalities, respect your elders, practice the values that your parents have taught you... it should all be coming naturally. :)