Pre-Marital Counseling A Must for All Future Couples (Important!)

[St1ngR]

Salaam,

This is one of the best, eye opening links I’ve seen on how to get into a happy marriage and prevent divorce. Sadly we don’t learn these lessons from society or family until it’s too late and you hear a completely different narrative and tone on what was supposed to (or made to be) only blissful.

Second Chance: Causes and Lessons from Divorce in Muslims - MuslimMatters.org

Communication Roadblocks
While many couples believe they can communicate, they still manage to hit roadblocks along the way. This is because they do not fully understand one another. The key to this success is quite simple, really; it involves the power of communication. As one respondent wisely stated, “Pre-marital counseling is essential. Choose an older married couple to be a mentor for the new couple prior to marriage. This couple should be the one to go to people for advice and not resolve any fights the couple cannot resolve on their own. Listen to what the other spouse is asking for. Seek assistance early on. Respect your parents but do not only prioritize them at the expense of your spouse. And most of all, honesty is key. A house built on lies will crumble!”

It is possible that men and women do speak a different language; however, that does not mean they cannot learn to understand one another. Those taking the survey were asked with all honesty, “Thinking back now, what mistakes do you see on your part?” The majority of responses consisted of two words, “trust” and “communication”, or lack thereof. Not communicating enough caused for many of the respondents to be unable to express how they felt during the marriage. Inability to express oneself causes resentment, which decreases the amount of love the couple has for one another.

As one survey taker stated, “Being stubborn, resentful, too much negativity, lack of trust and constant doubt. Aggravating situations further by looking into the past or digging into present lifestyle, almost waiting for him to make the next mistake.” “Forgiving too much for the sake of Allah that I almost began to think being a victim of domestic violence was OK because this is my test from Allah and I have to bear with it patiently and deal with it. Not realizing that walking away is an option too rather than risking my life everyday feeling unhappy.” By holding back on expressing herself to her ex-husband, she allowed for him to dismiss his respect for her. Another respondent stated, “I should have trusted my instincts. I should have taken more time to understand myself and her, before deciding if she is the women whom I want to get married to. After marriage I realized we have complete different personalities.” This shows that there was a lack of communication prior to the marriage, exposed after the marriage when the couple was together. Another respondent said, “I was not able to able to say what I was feeling when there was a problem. I was afraid to open up and say I was not happy.” Fear of opening up caused for this marriage to fall apart; this was due to a lack of happiness that stemmed from the fragility of being able to be expressive. The majority of survey takers responded with the advice that honesty and trust was essential to having a successful marriage.