I know someone who is having a rough time controlling her child…He’s not exactly a child anymore (he’s 21)… but he’s very stubborn, disrespectful, and disobedient to his whole family… both his younger sisters and his parents. He is not fearful of either one of his parents and talks back to them and often times curses at his mother and has even raised his hand on her. The parents are at a loss as to what could be done, because he refuses to budge. He yells and throws a fit if his parents ask him to exercise and go on a diet as he is obese and have to literally beg him to take a shower of brush his teeth. They have absolutely nocontrol over him whatsoever.Over the years he has also become an agnostic or atheist… cursing Allah and flinging the Quran Pak out of his mother’s hands when she pleaded with him to read it and change his wayward behavior. What duas can the mother recite in order to get her son to obey her?
One day a man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab to complain of disobedient son. So Umar had brought the boy to him and he blamed him for his disobedience. Then the boy addressed Umar by saying "O Commander of the faithful: Are there no rights for boy against his father?". Umar said "yes". Then the boy said "What are these rights O Commander of the Faithful?" Umar said, "To choose a good mother for him, to select good name to him and to teach him the Quran" Then the boy said: "O Commander of the faithful; my father has not accomplished any of these rights. As for my mother, she was a black slave for a Magian; As for my name, he has named me Jual (beetle); and he has not taught me even one letter from the Quran". Then Umar turned round to the man and said "you came to me complaining disobedience on the part of your son, whereas you have not given him his rights. So you have made mistakes against him before he has made mistakes against you".
One day a man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab to complain of disobedient son. So Umar had brought the boy to him and he blamed him for his disobedience. Then the boy addressed Umar by saying "O Commander of the faithful: Are there no rights for boy against his father?". Umar said "yes". Then the boy said "What are these rights O Commander of the Faithful?" Umar said, "To choose a good mother for him, to select good name to him and to teach him the Quran" Then the boy said: "O Commander of the faithful; my father has not accomplished any of these rights. As for my mother, she was a black slave for a Magian; As for my name, he has named me Jual (beetle); and he has not taught me even one letter from the Quran". Then Umar turned round to the man and said "you came to me complaining disobedience on the part of your son, whereas you have not given him his rights. So you have made mistakes against him before he has made mistakes against you".
I don't get it... are you saying his parents did wrong against him for him to have been this way? His name is actually Mousa, his mom taught him the Quran like when he was 7 and his parents are practicing Muslims.... 5X namaz, daily recitation of Quran, fasting... the whole nine....
iamhummad, so the boy got the right to disobay because her mother was a black slave? amazing!
Sabriya, dua alone isnt gonna help the family. The boy defiantly need some kind of Psychotherapie as well. The parents should seek some professional advice from a psychiatrist . I dont know where you live but here people like these are forced to attend such therapies if advised by a psychiatrist.
I know someone who is having a rough time controlling her child...He's not exactly a child anymore (he's 21)... but he's very stubborn, disrespectful, and disobedient to his whole family... both his younger sisters and his parents. He is not fearful of either one of his parents and talks back to them and often times curses at his mother and has even raised his hand on her. The parents are at a loss as to what could be done, because he refuses to budge. He yells and throws a fit if his parents ask him to exercise and go on a diet as he is obese and have to literally beg him to take a shower of brush his teeth. They have absolutely nocontrol over him whatsoever.Over the years he has also become an agnostic or atheist... cursing Allah and flinging the Quran Pak out of his mother's hands when she pleaded with him to read it and change his wayward behavior. What duas can the mother recite in order to get her son to obey her?
Thanks.
Astaghfar'Allah....
sabirya ur sayin that a person who was brought up in such a humble home and surrounded by parents siters/adults who pray five times a day and are very good practicing muslims can possibly behave this way....im jus shocked....all we can do is pray for him ....per when sum1 behaves in such a manner it shows that how weak his relationship is wid imaan....khair...Allah Mian ussey hadayat adha farmaye...Ameen
this young man needs to see a clinical child psychologist. his behavioral pattern is falling under severe personality disturbance, otherwise known as Axis II disorder.
not taking care of personal hygiene at this age canbe indicative of rebellion, or a sense of gaining negative attention.
if he is not able to socially interact then he may be at risk of or an undiagnosed case of violent antisocial personality.
his academic performance may serve as a measure of how well he is potentially capable of doing, in terms of his ability to focus and study.
but if his grade are failing, then he may be delibrately careless to 'get' his guardians' patience because of some deeper underlying issue.
the mannerism and severity with which he is disrespecting towards his parents, and religious symbols like physical holy book it self, leads to the conclusion that he has affective disorder as well.
his sense of conscience, moral reasoning are all corrupt.
and the only thing that can change his behavior is his personal cognition that he is adversely on the wrong track given his age and his behavior.
only he Maker know, whose prayer is heard and granted.
we cannot speculate that.
but definitely this kid needs some serious clinical assessment and long term cognitive behavioral therapy.
Dushwari
Leave the child alone for some time, because there is no use of forcing him to do anything at this age.
First, tell the parents to do dua for him with tears of sincerity at the time of Tahajjud, do alot of sadaqa, fulfill all the "basic" orders of Islam, repent for their past sins infront of Allah, think if they had ever violated anyone's rights or hurt anyone's heart ( If this is the case than they should immediately go to them and beg them for forgiveness and return their rights)
p.s. I am saying all this because once I was even worst case than that guy (interms of manners) My parents did all the above due to which Allah blessed me with guidence to become relatively better than what I was before.
The heart of every human is in the control of Allah, and Allah bless an ignorant person towards the right path when his pious relatives beg for it infront of Allah.
yess