i am sure we have all made mistakes in our lives which we DEEPLY DEEPLY DEEPLY regret and have made a FIRM promise to ourselves that we will NEVER repeat those actions. inshallah.
however, when faced with a situation when judging others and making decisions abt them, we, or atleast i, tend to still think of their past actions and judge them by that…
and there are certain lines which if they have crossed then my decision is always k that person fails the test…
maybe thats unfair…i am not sure…i am trying to figure that out…
it seems that the majority of ppl, some of them very nice in a lot of ways, have actually crossed those lines that were defined in my mind…r those lines that i defined then not relevant to the current society anymore, were they based on some unreal idealistic vision? or shud i still stick to my lines n not compromise them?
Allah has asked to forgive. but is it even a matter of being more accepting or forgiving of the other person? its not like i already have a link with the other person and it will cause great harm n hurt if the person fails the test…or is it?
am i taking a holier-than-thou moral stand? or if i do ignore those transgressions of the limits by the other, will that mean my own morals have become lax?
also, it is possible the faults i might have made in my life might be as big to that person as the faults they have made r to me…the faults r just of a different nature…
hmmm…i hope my post made some sense n isnt totally confusing…
To not judge is difficult because when we see things, we automatically register them in our brain in one way or another, it's kinda hard to just not give it a thought however temporary or short-lived that thought maybe. Now to have a person fail or pass that test that you set for others doesn't really mean much, almost nothing at all. Unless, it's someone close to you who wants you to approve of their actions. Other than that, it really doesn't matter or affect their life in anyway. With that i'd like to point out that, to err is human. And as another human being we should relate more closely especially if that person has changed for the better, it's not fair for you to judge them by what they have done in the past. As you wouldn't like to be judged by things you've done in the past, and i am sure you've along the way have made mistakes that you regret. To set limitations for yourself is one thing, but to set limitations for others is another, unless their actions directly effect you.
hmmm…the significance of this test is that u need to make a decision abt that person in order to decide whether or not to lay down the foundation for more interaction and or a relationship with that person…thus their past actions then dont directly affect me…but their future actions will affect me init…this limitation is on others…but in essence the limitation IS on yourself…coz its like saying i will or will not form that interaction or relationship with someone who crosses this line…
its not like the other person cant find others to form interactions n relationships with apart from me…so the limit is kinda for myself…u get ma na…? or am i thinking on the wrong tracks…?
hmm…its not that i think the person is below me…and i’ve prolly made worse faults than that person in other things…but the thing is, if i have grown up n always held certain notions in my mind abt certain things not being acceptable, then is it worth it at this stage to let go of those…
and as i said before…is it an issue of forgiveness or taking a holier-than-thou moral stand? this sounds hecka narcissistic…but its not abt the other person to begin with in a way…coz i feel like if i do ignore those transgressions of the limits by the other, that might mean my own morals have become lax…is that being too self centered?
irem dear …try sticking to the golden rule …that is:
love someone for Allah
hate someone for Allah
we make a lot of mistakes in our life on daily basis but when it comes to deciding about others(as we judge them n deal with them )we have sky high standards…everyone is a creation of THE CREATOR…so respect everyone…but when it comes to dealings may be they hurt you or do something you don’t like …then apply the golden rule
ask yourself …why i’m feeling bad …???
if you r feeling bad coz it was personal then just forgive 'em just like u 'll wish God to forgive your mistakes…but if it was not personal …rather something contrary to your faith…then for the betterment of that person …warn him n if he repeats or insists on that then declare to urself that this person is failed in ur “test”
i’m afraid i’m not making sense…to explain my point i tell you something from history…
once a jew made some bad comments about our holy Prophet…in front of hazrat Ali…hazrat Ali couldn’t ignore it of course,…he laid him down on floor n sat on his chest …in return jew spit on his face …guess what…??
hazrat Ali stood up n let him go …ppl asked the reason n he said when i laid him down it was my anger for his words about the messenger of Allah…but if i do sumthing after his spitting it would be a revenge for my own self n not for Allah…
so i think we should try to focus ourselves to know what these great personalities did in certain situations …rather than establishing our own laws n rules…
just try a quick check …i can’t forgive/am angry with someone coz he/she didn’t wish me on birthday …or didn’t invite me on certain occasion…or didn’t send a condolesence message …or didn’t follow my opinion…etc. etc…usually these or similar reasons are behind our actions towards some person …but shouldn’t we be ashamed of that we never cut our ties with someone who is busy in backbiting or is involved in frauds etc…then we just like to keep quiet n don’t want to get involved in …sigh
i don’t know if i’m posting a confused reply…but this was what came to my mind after reading this thread
plus…i know its not religion forum but for me its not easy to seperate my logics from religion …if i bothered you then sorry…
