Potluck etiquette

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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I’ve been to a couple of potlucks, usually iftaris, usually the same circle.

Based on the links I’ve read, anything store bought is a huge no-no, as well as something “high maintenance.” and the host dictates what to bring, based on a theme.

Reading that I realized my friends adn I have broken pretty much all of hte rules. :hehe:
yet no one is ever un-invited again, nor does anything seem so out of place or weird. :hmmm:

I’ve been to potlucks (mostly iftaris) where someone will bring pakora batter and fry it right before iftari–no one batted an eye or thought that was weird
someone bringing something from a restaurant or grocery store is so common that I can’t believe it’s considered against etiquette (heck I’ve done that on an occasion or two and I’m still invited)
I’ve never had someone dictate what to bring, although whenever the invite is out, we discuss who’s bringing what so there’s no duplication

One thing I’m confused about is, taking your own leftovers home. Yay or nay?

What rules/guides do you guys follow?

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Well!!! yes in our circle too there is no forcing. However once my friend asked me that as she isn’t a great cook so she wanted me to bring biryani, although n my previous one dishes with other circle we had rule that whoever is gonna host will prepare Biryani or pulao but that was all Pakistani circle in Pakistan, Moving in multi cultural is a bit different, first of all many other cultures dont very much appreciate one dish. (Although i hate that on calling out for one dish no one anticipates but when u invite everyone is bringing some food). Last year when i did iftari I specially sent out message to all ladies that I have plenty of food dont bring any as I want ur company not food.
No special rules we have but now we somehow following about rice that host would make that, but for that also its need to be Pakistani or Indian host as others will just make plain rice. I was amazed when one of my bangladeshi friend was dishing out rice (white) and saying it pulao I asked from where is it pulao and then i came to know the rice they make with putting whole garam masala is pulao:smack:
So in multi culture u have little different experience. This eid also we are doing potluck, however we are just 7-8 families. Host asked me if i can make dessert and i said no I would make some savory dish and it was fine for her.
Never did potluck iftar here. When we were in KSA (with my parents before marriage) that time we had potluck even when we friends reached to 7-8 class we used to do one dish but most stuff was homemade. We sometimes used to organize school/college one dishes too.

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Re: Potluck etiquette

I attend/host/plan alot of potlucks with my family and social circle and we don’t have any hard and fast rules. Usually, whomever is hosting is the one to make the rice/biryani/pulao because let’s face it, that is best served hot right from the degchi lol!!!

As far as leftovers go, we usually just divvy up amongst ourselves, and whatever is left in your dish/bartan, you take it back home with you!!

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Leftovers:

If they are offered by the host, then take an amount that leaves behind something for others.

Or…

Ask the host if you can take leftovers.

Pet Peeves:

(I guess these could have featured in X2’s thread)…

Slicker-than-Salan-Grease: This is the guest who doesn’t “ask” the host for left overs, she “tells” the host; may even announce it. “Rukhsana/Farhana/Zubaida (insert name for host)…main tumhari nihari apnay saath le kar jaa rahi hoon, mujhay container do.” See what Slick-Shady just did there? Had she “asked” for permission, it gives the host more wiggle room to refuse. But when you “tell” the host, it may be harder to inkaar them. Slicky may not be careful about leaving some leftovers for other guests or the host either.

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Hmmm that’s interesting. The one I went to, the host did make beef biryani (she’s Bengali) but she called it pulaow too…I’m not sure.

Now I know this! :smiley:

Lol, RV, I can’t imagine any host saying “no you cannot take leftovers.” that’s just…weird to me IMO.

I have to sheepishly admit, I said to my friend “you won’t ban me from future davats if I take some biryani home will you? Because it’s just so fantastic” and she told everyone to take leftovers. But this was a friend…I wouldn’t do it with someone I’m not too familiar with. (and FYI I didn’t take a huge amount…my own dish on the other hand, I left it all there…I had no idea what to do with it.)

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Re: Potluck etiquette

No need to get defensive cuz you still asked your friend, Sara. You didn’t announce you’d take left-overs. The former is courteous. I personally would ask the host even if it’s a close friend or relative. My mom has a bigger heart than I do and she lets guests take leftovers…and some of the auntis will take so much that other guests will complain that they didn’t get any left-overs…so there’s none left over for my family or the guests. Sometimes I wish my mom would divy it up and save some before hand for the family. I guess people take advantage of how the host’s back is turned and busy with a myriad of chores in the kitchen (clean-up, etc) that they think it’s okay to take however much of the leftovers they want with little regard for others.

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Re: Potluck etiquette

The couple of times I’ve been invited to potlucks…usually we collectively decide who is going to bring the entree, sides, dessert, etc

At the end usually people ask each other if anyone wants leftovers…people get what they want and you take the rest of your dish home!

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I’m not getting defensive. It’s just a conversation..jeez.

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^

Err…what I mean is…no reason to feel self-conscious. It’s not like the description of slicky slickerson fits you. :flower1:

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Re: Potluck etiquette

What’s a potluck

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Re: Potluck etiquette

It’s a type of dinner where each guest brings a dish so the host isn’t making everything.

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We don’t have hard or fast rules…usually I plan and tell people what to bring.

For desi potlucks, I will admit…I have doctored frozen stuff and passed it off as home made. The best were Deep’s frozen dahi baray…:hehe:…NO ONE guessed!

What?

Don’t act like you don’t do it.

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:rotfl:

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Had potlucks for many years. We have potlucks with generally the same circle, with new folks added here and there.

In our potlucks, the person providing the house, does not make a dish, but provides drinks, rotis/naan, salads or disposable items.

Menu is planned beforehand, quite varied depending on number of people invited.

We have had our fare share of issues, but quickly remedied.

Catered food is also allowed, say someone catered chicken curry, or biryani .

Seldom ever have store purchased desserts.

For example, many people think desserts is an inexpensive option. Desserts and making homemade desserts is not cheap. Tiramisu, trifles, ras malais, kheer, different kinds of brownies, I make a much requested ice cream cake. In our potlucks, my family almost always brings desserts,as that is what our circle and other children request. I do spend slightly more, but I always want the children especially etc to enjoy potlucks.

We do have some people who want to take the most leftovers home and fill their containers full. A friend’s mother who was visiting from Pakistan saw how some where taking advantage and put her foot down, and said , “Either everyone take their own dishes back with them, or all food should be equally divided.” Occasionally someone will take all their leftover food back, but then will not take any other food with them, which is also fair.

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Seriously, itneee tareefein ke bass.

“Reha betaa, kitni sughar hogayi hai humari bachi…maash ke dahi baray Mashallah”

Me --------> :blush:

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Re: Potluck etiquette

it is called one dish party in Pakistan.

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Re: Potluck etiquette

Not only in Pak. I live in the US, we call it a one-dish as well.