Potential MIL's

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Potential MIL's

A couple she rejected married their cousins - one of them ended in divorce for various reasons (i.e. both the MIL and the wife were cuckoo so it didn't work out)

There's always that back-home-village-girl option, eh!

22

Re: Potential MIL's

ummmm yes

23

Re: Potential MIL's

Is this a new trend? like "Aray Jabeen ki ammi nai chaar (4) MIL's dekhaiee hain. Aaj eik ko daikhney ja rahey hain"

24

Re: Potential MIL's

Isn't it sad how women not only have to look for a good husband but also a good MIL? Our culture is so sad.

25

Re: Potential MIL's

Personally, I think it's foolish to NOT look at your future MIL, and in fact the guy or girl's immediate family who will become your family, at the time of the rishta.

Unless a guy or girl plans on marrying their partner and then promptly cutting out the in-laws from their lives, you need to know that you can or will get along with your partner's family. Sure you don't need to be best friends with them, but there needs to be enough mutual respect and consideration to allow for a positive and civil relationship. Why marry into a family where you won't be welcomed or treated well?

26

Re: Potential MIL's

Why is this such a bad thing? What will come around?

If you know there is no compatibility...why would you say yes? Isn't that stupid?

Listen, families matter. If you see a red flag...why would any sane person ignore it? Agar koi baat ajeeb si nazar aati hai...to mana karne mein kya harj hai? Zarbadasti hai kya? Just because they had chai at my house doesn't mean its a yes.

Its a rishta...not a marriage. Acceptance and rejection are a part of this.

27

Re: Potential MIL's

That's very true. It only makes sense to check out the entire family before getting married. But in reality this really only matters to the girl. Rarely do guys keep close ties with in-laws, but if women were not to be best friends with the in-laws everyone starts talking. From my experience, women's success in marriage is directly related to her effort to have a relationship with her in-laws, while the husband has no connection with his wife's family.

28

Re: Potential MIL's

Plus, in our desi culture...saas matters much more.

If the MIL has an unnatural control over her son or makes weird demands on the family like even though the girl's family is in the US...she wants our whole khandaan of umpteen people to fly to Pakistan for the shaadi. Not the valima...shaadi. I am sorry but who gets to decide where and how the wedding will happen? The people paying for it.

One of them had four sons and lived in a four bedroom house (plus basement) with three of her bahus and 2 kids a piece. And she wanted to make sure the girl understood there would be no moving out as that would break up her khandaan.

I don't know anyone around me willing to say yes to these people.

29

Re: Potential MIL's

If you're going to live together with hubby's parents, then heck yes, you should be thinking about whether you'll get along with MIL.

30

Re: Potential MIL’s

Oh look, a MIL thread in Life1 :sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah::sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah: :sadiyah::sadiyah:

31

Re: Potential MIL's

nope.

32

Re: Potential MIL's

i suggest all the ladies to Demand that their MIL bring the tea trolley when they go to guy's house............ for baat pakki

33

Re: Potential MIL's

Seriously...I think that would be a far better idea.

I also would want a sample of her cooking.

34

Re: Potential MIL's

I rejected a couple rishtas based on the MIL. One of them I rejected because the MIL was literally feeding her son with her hands at the table :s And then he couldnt even hold a conversation with me, he just kept starring at his feet. So that was a big fat NO!

Another one, the MIL started every sentence with "we want her to do....." - They knew before they even came that I dont wear hijab, but she said she HAS to wear hijab (that should be my own personal choice, no one should force me. My parents are very religious, and my mom and bhabi both wear hijab, but my father has never told me that I HAVE to wear it!) When her son would talk to me (both parents and me and him were all sitting together - but he would ask me something on the side) she would immediately leave the "adult" conversation and interrupt ours.

Another one, the MIL told me not to eat cake cause it will make me fat, and that I should lose weight (Im not even fat - yah I could stand to lose 10-15 lbs, but thats none of her business), and she herself was REALLY big!

Im married now to a wonderful man, and his mother is great! She is such a sweetheart, and treats me so well! I couldnt have asked for a better husband or MIL, MashAllah.

35

Re: Potential MIL's

^ u never got married to those guys so i dont think they were ur MIL's:D

36

Re: Potential MIL’s

^ So did I and I have zero regrets.

It’s funny that the guys who mock women for considering the temperament of a potential MIL during the rishta process are the same guys who say, why marry a guy if you saw the red flags beforehand.

I guess you’d rather the girl marry into a family where the MIL is a tyrant/difficult woman, and then the girl should live a mazloom life forever afterwards, because after all - girls shouldn’t actually look out for their own happiness and well-being in a marriage, only that of the husband and MIL :rolleyes:

37

Re: Potential MIL's

That the story of my life, basically. Spot-on.

38

Re: Potential MIL's

I don't think it is a bad idea, both men and girls should look for respective potential MIL/FIL/SIL in arranged rishta process.

Weigh that to the liking of the potential husband and wife.

Then make a decision.