I dont know this thread should go into Realtionships or here. Mods, please move to the right section.
All married ladies,
I’m getting married next month. I dont want to have kids right away, 6 months to 1 year gap max. I talked to my fiance’ and he said Big No! How can I convince him?
The reason for him to say is that his older brother has been married for 4+ years but no luck for them yet, which totally make sense.
And the reason why I dont want yet is coz hamarai shadi pahlay he bari mushkalat paar kar k ho rahy hai(Love Marriage). It will take 6-9 months for him to come here. And I dont want to live with or near my parents. So, I’ll be back in 3 months or so from Pakistan and I dont want to live all by myself being pregnant. He said I should stay with him. (Basically he doesn’t want me to come back and he’ll be all alone without me;)). We’ll be seeing each other after 7 years. Went back in 2009 for the wedding but miscommunications among families lead to rishta breaking. Bari mushkil se dobara haan hoi hai. So reason for telling the whole story is how to manafying him for all this.
My parents are the best and so is my fiance’. I want to have kids right away but since my parents bari mushkil se razi hoi hain. Iss liye main chaty hoon once he comes here, we’ll move out to another state and settled ourselves without any help from my partents or his. I’m still in school(skipped school for 3 years) and planning to go back and he’s doing his MBA. So, ladies, tum logon ne kaisay apnay husbands ko manaya. Looking for great suggestions.
well im not marriage, but tht i knw frm my friends is tht to tlk wit ur husband abt, tht u both have to settle into the city and want time to knw each other better and to live together.,
beshak its love marriage, phir bhi sath rehna its a big deal my dear.. try to say tht he should find a job, u should finish ur school.. if he still refuse tou usko kaho u both will tlk abt pregnancy again when u both have lived together 6months after marriage (^^) maybe he will change his mind maybe u will ;D log ki soche wagt k sath badalti hai (^^) and u may knw abt contraceptive pill too (^^)
My fiance and I agreed that we will not start a family for 2 years. We both think it is important for a new couple to spend time together to develop a solid relationship and family foundation, and also to have a little fun without any major responsibilities. I'm lucky we both agreed on this.
If you are both still finishing with school it should be easy to convince your fiance! I mean, how will you even support a family if you haven't financially prepared for it and have your home to set up still? Try to talk to him about the responsibility of starting a family. A year alone is really not that long and it will be great for you two to spend it together. For example, think of your parents, if they had started having you kids 1 or 2 yrs later, what difference would that really have made? You'd be a yr younger! :)
I think you should try to reason with him that since he's studying (and if you want to continue yours too...) it's best that you guys wait till you are ready to completely concentrate on this huge responsibility of a child. Bringing up a child and then studying along, or making a career can be hard, so it's best that you guys complete your studies, so nothing else would become a hindrance/ or take the focus away from the upbringing of the children later on :)
^ plus its expensive, the best thing would be to get a job first (both of you) set your house and thn plan one. at the end of the day it really is up to allah, like in his brothers case its been four yrs.
^ exactly, if Allah has willed for you to have kids, you will.
"Rizq, aulad Allah ke hath main he" We can only try and who can argue with that ???
Have seen many couple who did not wait but still could not concieve.
We waited and I did not have problem concieving.
If your fiance is in Pakistan, he may not know that raising kids is a bit more expensive in US.
You can tell him how expensive healthcare is in US.
Also there are so many other expenses if you will be living alone like, rent, food , transport etc.