I’ve been a silent reader here for a long time but posting something first time. I don’t know who else to talk about this..
I recently got married 4-5 months ago. It was both love and arranged marriage. Before marriage I was a very happy person…had many dreams and to do lists that I wanted to do with my husband and places I wanted to go with him. I couldn’t wait till I got married to him and finally be together. We have really good understanding with each other and both of us hate drama and unnecassary conflicts/stress so we avoid that as well.
However since after the wedding I’ve became a person that I had never thought I’d become. i’d always wondered why women don’t put effort on their looks/apperance and now I myself don’t do my makeup or hair like I used to and have to struggle to get my exercise that i used go regularly do before..
i’ve this sadness inside my heart that I can’t get to the root to.. It’s like I’ve to struggle and constantly do something to keep myself happy otherwise my depressions come back on me and I just don’t wanna do anything…i’ve even lost my passion for my work n career too..
i’m allhumdulilah a very lucky girl in terms of my family n husband but I still feel like theres something missing and I don’t know what. I don’t want to be ungrateful and ignore my feelings many times but I really want to resolve this and want to come out of it forever..
I’m stuck…became a boring person and lost my cheerful personality somewhere…I don’t want to be like this. I try and become fine one day but the next day I’m like this again…
The only person who can change your feelings and habits is yourself. MashAllah you're so lucky to have married a man who you wanted to be with and love and who loves you back, why don't you change this for him. Don't be upset this isn't an issue to be depressed about at all!
Find all the good things in your relationship to be happy about, you need motivation. Thank Allah for all the blessing you've been given in life, pray and read quran this sadnesss you have in your heart is guaranteed to go away, its nothing but the shaitaan, after all shaitaans purpose is to lead people the wrong way and turn them away from what Allah loves.
Smile cheer up look forward to the life ahead with your husband and having a family with him.
do you work? or go to school? I was the same way as you. Before I got married, I used to do my hair, and makeup, and exercise, and would go out all the time with friends and cousins (and I was also working in my own profession). After I got married, I moved to another country, where I couldnt work because of visa issues. It made me quite depressed as I had never had to rely on another person so heavily before. Also, I couldnt go back to school because of the extremely high cost. I tried looking for interest courses, but those were all quite far from where I was. I stopped putting in an effort with my looks, and kind of just became a boring person. I feel like I started to lose myself, and didnt have an identity anymore - I was just so and so's wife....thats all. It was hard for me to make friends where I was because its a small place, and Im a shy person. I love to read, so I started going to the library once a week. I found they had a book club there. At first I was a little scared to go (cause Im pretty shy), but once I went, it was really nice. And people are really friendly.
You need to find that passion again. Whether its working, volunteering, going to school, taking classes....you need to find something to do outside the home, because always being cooped up in the house is going to make you go crazy! If you are still living in the same place you were before you got married, make a point of meeting with friends at least once a week, go over to your parents once a week without your husband. You need a life without your husband as well. You had one before he came into the picture, and you should keep that up even though you are married now.
Please see your doctor. It sounds like depression and your doctor will be able to help you. You may just need someone to talk to etc. sounds like you don't have a particular problem in terms of your happy with your husband and family etc which is really good! But the lack of interest in life and yourself could be medical? Simple bloodtest may sort it. But yeah defo see your doc.
You guys are so wonderful - thank you for all the kind posts..
I work fulltime and I was very passionate about my career before and wanted to study further and volunteer for my association etc. Right now I do have the time to study further and I am part of my association but I have to drag myself to do things...pata nahi woh passion kahan chala gaya? I dont know if I should say this here too but sometimes I don't even want my husband to come near me...even though I love him so much and he loves me too but..
And no I will never take medicines so please don't say go to doc...they cause more harm then good...I work in healthcare and I'd try everything else before depending on medicines..
Sometimes I think maybe everything happened too fast and I need to take a break and go on a vacation somewhere with him and renew everything...
Tell u what that whole marriage thing is pretty exhausting 3-6 month. Mostly, people get normal after going back to what they were doing before, so go back to whatever you love.
When I got married, my wife had to come to US on the visa she was not allowed to work. Given the fact that we were in a area where there were not many Pakistanis/Muslims around, those 2 years were difficult for her, what did she do? She started painting + arts. That was something she liked in her early teens but gave up due to studies but she found the pleasure again in that.
Also keep in mind, do not expect life to be same as it was before. It will never be. New relationship comes with its own new 'satisfactions & tension' and sometimes we get disappointed with the fact that life cant be same.
You guys are so wonderful - thank you for all the kind posts..
I work fulltime and I was very passionate about my career before and wanted to study further and volunteer for my association etc. Right now I do have the time to study further and I am part of my association but I have to drag myself to do things...pata nahi woh passion kahan chala gaya? I dont know if I should say this here too but sometimes I don't even want my husband to come near me...even though I love him so much and he loves me too but..
And no I will never take medicines so please don't say go to doc...they cause more harm then good...I work in healthcare and I'd try everything else before depending on medicines..
Sometimes I think maybe everything happened too fast and I need to take a break and go on a vacation somewhere with him and renew everything...
I suggested doctor not to load yourself up with pills because that's not always the solution. But like I said a blood test may find underlying causes. I had vit d deficiency and was experiencing some similar symptoms, after taking vitamins I'm much better. The doctor may be able to suggest support groups or someone to talk to? Sometimes talking can help soooo much. And it's better to speak to someone not connected to your situation.
Try exercise. The release of endorphins can help lift the mood too. And like everyone's said try get back into things you were intrested in. Or look for a hobby or new interest.
become part of the happy nation of prozac .. ull be fine in no time ..
Please see your doctor. It sounds like depression and your doctor will be able to help you. You may just need someone to talk to etc. sounds like you don't have a particular problem in terms of your happy with your husband and family etc which is really good! But the lack of interest in life and yourself could be medical? Simple bloodtest may sort it. But yeah defo see your doc.
Yes only a professional trained to determine underlying cause of your depression and suggest solutions. Medicine is not the only solution for depression.