This probably would be a little personal…but is it normal to feel possessive towards someone/something? I know it’s part of being a human, but how would you define the limit? This might just sound plain sad (as in pathetic) on my part…but we have family over these days…and every time my 8-year old cousin gets all chummy with my mom, it starts irritating me. :-\
There was also this family friend of ours who stayed with us for a while, since her husband was still back in Pakistan. (She’s around 33/34 years old.) The whole time she was with us, I felt like she was taking my mom away from me. I’d get very irritated or upset. Every time I wanted to talk to mom, she’d come and start babbling…or every few minutes she’d come and hug her or kiss her on the cheek. :-\ I felt like I never got a chance to spend time with my mom or sister because she’d always start talking about her own issues…not giving anyone else a chance.
Same goes regarding anyone I really really care about. Even if all I do is fight (not serious fights, though) with them, the point someone else says anything to them, I get over-protective.
I don’t know if I’d call this jealousy ‘cuz that might involve ‘hatred.’ I wouldn’t throw a fit …but I would certainly feel really bad/hurt. So, is all this normal? Would it turn into a major issue, later on in life? How do you guys handle it…O’ great scholars of GS?
I think this can turn into a major issue down the road. It sounds like you need to learn how to share. You know your mother loves you ... I don't understand why you are feeling insecure that these other people are "taking her away" from you. They are not! Your mother is there for you first. Have you discussed this with your mother and told her how you feel? Perhaps you need some reassurance. Have they ever neglected you or something that you feel this possessive need to have them all to yourself?
well CB...I'm neither great nor schollar :) but the only thing i can tell you is i have been through this
until my marriage , i used to get mad if i'm home n ammi is going some where ....or she is not spending time with me ......i can't say why ....but i'm still like this ....when i go to pak i mostly stay with my in laws ....but when i plan to live in my 'maika' i inform her before hand ....n tell her if she has any appointment or anyother plans ....either do them before my arrival ....or just postpone 'em .....
but i'm not posessive for any other person .....its just my ammi
dunno if i made any sense !!!
CB dont worry this just means u r a normal human being n love ur mom a lot its not jealousy or anything. its just normal.
actually the whole thing is very sweet
well i know my younger sister and brother are very possessive about my mom, they get jealous and all so i avoid having those happy moments with her. waisey i'm not possessive with people but rather with my stuff, i don't know why but i hate people touching my stuff with out my permission.
^
normal person? sweet? you have no idea wht you just said in your post.
anywayz back to the original problem. is this possessiveness of yours limited to your mom only or you feel the same towards everything / avyerone dear to you? if yes then you have a problem to deal with. you have to have flexibility in your thinking. don’t let such things irritate you.
I agree with Mehnaz you need to learn how to share. When my cuz came here from Kuwait to finish Med school, my mother became like another mother to her. I mean she talks to her more then she talks to me on many issues (shes married), she gives her giftss, takes her food also her littled daughter calls my mother gradmother. At the end of the day she is YOUR mother, no need to be jealous. A mother has a speaical bond with her OWN child and that will NEVER change!
I think all of us have this problem when it comes to moms :) i myself am a mature lady have 2 kids but stil got jealous of my own sister when amie is giving her attention :o i want to change myself coz i know it is bad habit ...i am very possessive about my mom and about my kids .
Yes but, from what I understand, CareBear's problem is NOT limited solely to her mother. It's with anybody she cares a lot for.
If you are this possessive of your husband after you get married, then I think you can expect problems. I think this can also be applied to any close friendships you have.
Umm ok this is beginning to sound like it's the end of the world. I wouldn't say something like this would kill me. It's just something I've started wondering about lately.
I don't feel this way just about anyone/everyone. Only certain people.
I have had other cousins/friends talk to my mom about problems or just spending time with us. I never felt like they were taking her away from me nor did I get irritated. It's just some people with whom I feel this way.
CBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB :blus: thank god u posted this … i was thiknign about talking about this.. i have similar problem … perhaps not so extreem but i feel this with some of my best friends… i get so jelous
wow, that is so wierd. Don't little kids get like that?
It's quite freaky. I've never experienced that, I mean I have lots of friends and family and my parents are really social but woah, that's so strange.
When i look back to reflect on my life..i think i was only possessive when i was 2 years old at the time of the birth of my brother. I think because i lived in an extended family system for 16 years..i hardly developed the habbit whether it was for humans or things. When i see that my mom is busy..i wait for the time when i can talk to her. Usually we end up walking to a mall and talking about the concerns. I am very close to my dad as well..so when he gotta discuss anything with me..we talk in the car while he comes to pick me up from work.
What i would suggest: you need to convey your feelings to the person concerned..don't hold them to yourself..coz i have seen when we hold the feelings..we end up getting irritated and feeling not so good. You need reassurance from those people..that's all. So, whenever you feel that certain person is not spending time with you..or whatever the case is..mention it them. I am sure..this will solve the problem..hopefully :)
There’s a lot more to the world than just Pakistan. Broaden your horizons a bit, you might find some non-“paki” people with such issues too. That should help you from labelling everything as a “paki mentality.”
Qrius, I think it started when I was 2, as well. The only difference is your’s vanished, mine stayed. Thanks for the tips.
its not jealousy or anything. its just normal.
Thanks for the tips.