So how do you manage your relationship with a husband who is possessive about you.
For example a husband who doesn’t want you to put up your pics on Facebook or who doesn’t want you to have photographs taken with your guy friends etc. or other things when a reason behind, is not religious but his possessiveness.
How do you respond to such situations?
Re: Possessive husband
See it as insecurity and his fear of losing you.
This is something that might be best handled in a very subtle way over a long term duration.
Re: Possessive husband
Op, my 2 cents will be from a different perspective because I’m very private and I don’t have FB and I’m not much into taking/posting pics either. I feel that your husband’s discomfort should take priority over snapping a few selfies with male friend/s that you don’t share a roof or a life with. It’s not necessary and so one can try to avoid it. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a small matter.
Re: Possessive husband
wait, why you taking pics with guy friends? …if anything I say meet in the middle with him, post of pics on fb but don’t take pics with guy friends.
Re: Possessive husband
Thanks for the opinions. Just to clarify its not about myself, its about my friends, both guy and girl are my friends married to each other.
the guy was not this possessive before marriage but now he has turned that way. Besides this FB pics things, he has also brought up the topic of wearing abaya/coat etc. He is asking the wife to wear it at work and among male friends as well, again the purpose is not religious but he says that he can’t stand the idea of his wife roaming around without being fully covered in presence of males.
This is kind of really difficult for my female friend as all of us including my male friend have been leading a very liberal lifestyle. Its astonishing for her as well as for us that why is he turning out to be so possessive after marriage. Need a perspective on this, as to the reason for this kind of possessiveness and how she can tackle such a situation where she is not ready at all for the abaya/coat thing. How to make him come around?
Re: Possessive husband
Don’t women like this kinda crap?
Re: Possessive husband
wife should listen and follow and keep her house intact, secure the husband atleast. he will become confident and get okay with things.
Re: Possessive husband
like how? is that okay to expect the wife to accept all conditions laid down by the husband?
Re: Possessive husband
yes
Re: Possessive husband
Don’t be so old-fashioned, use snapchat and Instagram.
Re: Possessive husband
You pick and choose your battles and try to reach a compromise; meet each other half-way. When both parties refuse to budge, then relations deteriorate. Let’s take a look at your original post. There were some questions that came to my mind right way when I first read your post, but I didn’t bring them up.
You said the reason behind the guy’s objections are not religious. Okay. Well, what if…let’s say…hypothetically speaking…his objections were based on religion, would the wife have compromised then or been more open to doing so? Does it need to be based on religion in order for her to compromise? Is that the shart or condition? I find the comment to be odd. It’s almost like the wife is thinking, “Pfft…humph…his reasons are not even religious…so why should I compromise?” And if she is currently unwilling, then how would she have reacted if reasons were based on religion? Would husband’s demands be more acceptable to her if they stemmed from religion? If her answer is “no,” then there’s really no point of even mentioning religion because she’s gonna have the same attitude/stance either way.
Look, I know that we don’t follow every single rule of Islam…myself included; I get that. But if we consider ourselves to be Muslim by more than just our name, then we should at least try to do as much as we can, right? And trying means that we have to exert some inner effort. Why can’t the wife think to herself that, "It’s okay if my husband is not thinking from a religious point of view…and I am not going to set that as a condition…instead let me put husband’s views to the side and try to see what Allah and Islam have to say about this matter. " She doesn’t need to wait for husband to develop a religious mindset first. Instead, she herself, can choose to be the first one to look at these issues from a religious persoective.
If wife considers herself to be a Muslim, then she should know that such free mingling is discouraged in Islam. So she can ask herself…“Am I getting dhair sara sawaab for taking pics with these guys?” …“Kya main mar jaaongi if I don’t take pics with these guys?” …“Do these guys pay my bills? Do I live with them? Do they have a huge bearing on my life?”
You know…sometimes…if we remind ourselves that we’re making a sacrifice for a higher authority (khudaa) rather than another person…it can change our attitude and make it easier for us to make those compromises.
I think sometimes that “liberal” is just another way of indirectly saying “choosing to disregard the rules or not follow them.” And again, I don’t follow all the rules myself and I know it’s hard to do so…but at least this situation provides the wife with the opportunity to reflect about this issue in a deeper way and from multiple perspectives.
Some of the complaints you’ve mentioned are non-issues. For instance, it’s not a big deal to avoid taking pics with your guy friends. As for other issues…wife can try to meet him half way. Adjust the privacy settings on FB…or post pics where she is posing alongside husband, etc. She can talk to her husband about the abaya issue. Explain to him that she feel overwhelmed as he never made these demands prior to marriage. She might be able to make him come around and if she can’t…then she has several options…she can try to get the support of either his/her family…she can try to reach a compromise with him to where she makes some adjustments in fashion as opposed to wearing full-on abaya…and if it’s that intolerable she can also opt to leave him.
Re: Possessive husband
What does Islam say about all this social media and being all “liberal” etc?
Kya ap loag musalman hain ke nahi ??
What are your priorities? Home or “friends” ??
Re: Possessive husband
I know of two women who divorced their husbands for these exact reasons and one who did not. One of the divorced girls was pretty religious in the first place and he was mass deleting her uncles off facebook without her permission. He was choking her while she was pregnant too so that was the end of that. The other girl’s issue was suddenly changed husband. They were together for eight years before he suddenly changed when they went back to Pakistan. It was probably family pressure but he was having tons of issues with a lot of what she wore and did and her driving lol. She divorced him because unilateral decisions make no one happy.
The one who didn’t divorce actually discussed the matter and he wasn’t particularly concerned with what she wore or did. He just didn’t want her to have male friends (because his relatives would make comments if a guy commented on her Facebook pictures). She unfriended all the guys and compromised there.
Re: Possessive husband
Damn this westernization, chicks don’t want to be controlled or abused anymore. Ditching him is the only solution.
It is impossible to change cultist irrational mentality.Set up his exit interview with Trump.
Is she really that hot that guys would be all over her if she didn’t wear the abaya, abayas and hijabs don’t prevent assaults on women back home or safeguard against gawkers.
I go to pools often and mostly see small bikinis and most don’t even bother looking.
Re: Possessive husband
What is wrong with these nut jobs.
Re: Possessive husband
Guys look for sure! Especially if she is hot… Just wear sun glasses and people won’t know your looking.
Re: Possessive husband
We don’t have desis in our community.
Re: Possessive husband
Guys look, women look. Let’s move on.
Re: Possessive husband
ofcourse. husband seems possessive, not an animal.