Polygamy in the society

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
61

Re: Polygamy in the society

actually, it’s possible for a woman to have children and not be financially dependent on her husband. If the woman is educated and has professional qualifications, then there’s nothing to stop her from leaving an abusive husband and getting a job somewhere. Being married does not mean you have to subjugate yourself to your husband. The husband should feel duties towards his children as well. It’s not like a woman marries a man just in order to have children. I’m sure the man also wants children and a family.

62

Re: Polygamy in the society

I disagree. Many women have proved by their lives that they can work and take care of kids all the time. Even village life has proved this, since women are active workers in the field and do a great deal of work when it comes to their agricultural lifestyles.

So what’s the difference between women working in a khet (field), vs. a woman working in a white collared job. I don’t get why people have such an issue over western working women, when eastern women have been working alongside men in agriculture for centuries.

And no, children are not a form of slavery for a woman. Many women give up their jobs temporarily and then sit at home with their children. When the kids grow up, which they eventually do…women will go back to work or take up another career.

Many women have begun to work from their homes as well. I know a great many women who have offices opened up from inside their homes and they work from their homes.

And your comment shows that you really don’t understand a husband’s responsibiltiy to his family. A husband has to earn for his family, and his money is not his own. Its his wife’s and kids’. A husband also has to take time out and give attention to his children…I don’t know why this is always left out. Children need their father too. Having a mom at home, and not seeing your father is not the type of childhood that is healthy for children. So why don’t you see men as being bonded to slavery because of their kids and families?

63

Re: Polygamy in the society

true i don’t understand, i have no experience and i am one o those unhealthy kids…

Contrasting pesonalities
Contrasting pesonalities
64

Re: Polygamy in the society

PyariCgudia

I have deep respect for your feelings. But I don’t agree with your statement where you say that you can give up your career for your children but not for your husband. This doesn’t reflect a healthy attitude.

Reaching dazzling heights in a career or profession and failing measurably at the home front doesn’t make one a successful human being. If you succeed in both front then only you enjoy an enriching and rewarding life. For this to happen both partners must be willing to sacrifice and compromise. So if you are prepared to sacrifice then only you can expect your partner to sacrifice. Confrontation has never solved any problem. In confrontation either both loose or at least one of them loose. The best option is to sacrifice and compromise to continue a healthy relationship.

I want to remind you that in any human relationship there will be a conflict. So in marriage also there is bound to be a conflict. But how beautifully you resolve it and learn from each other’s mistake and understand each other’s weaknesses is all what makes life better for both.

After a bitter fight, when you get a warm hug from your partner then how do you feel? It’s a joy worth millions of dollors. Please change your attitude and view your prospective partner as an ally or a friend rather than an enemy or a foe.

If I get an absolute power or authority then one of the thing I will be doing will be to make it a law that everybody befor marrying must jointly undergo a program of conflict resolution skill. This will make marriages more stable.

65

Re: Polygamy in the society

Dear parissenoor

Don’t get carried away by those who propagate the idea of confrontation. You are incredibly modest and remain like that. This is the quality which impresses most man and forces even the toughest guy to be fair with his partner.

66

Re: Polygamy in the society

If it’s that important to her, her career, no husband in a healthy marriage would demand that his wife give that up if she’s not comfy with it. I am all for conflict resolution but I would not ask my husband to do something that I know he would hate although I do know that he would do it for me. In the same way, he would not ask me to do something that he knows I would hate although he does know that I would go to the ends of the Earth for him. It works both ways. It’s not only the girl who has to make the sacrifices, but the guy as well.

67

Re: Polygamy in the society

If your husband can go to any extent to please you and you would go to any length to make him happy then I congratulate you. You are one of the rare couples to have reached such an enviable relationship. This situation doesn’t happen automatically. This requires nurturing relationshp after few or several kickbacks, since incompatibility of personalities between both creates friction but when both understand each other well then relationship strengthens. But if you start your marriage life with a negative attitude and confrontation mind, then things don’t go well for long and relationship remains either weak or breaks.

Starting marriage life with a positive mind and keeping a goal of strnegthening the bond and relationship and ignoring minor mistakes or things like that and pointing out politely when the other partner is in a happy and cheerful mood to take criticism, are the things which helps both partners. Also the way you speak to your partner makes a hell of difference. Something told in a polite and modest manner is far more effective than yelling and shouting.

I will again add another point that whenever there is insufficient information then always conclude positively. Never never assume negative conclusions when there is insufficient information. Carrying a negative attitude that “I will never sacrifice for my husband”, should be banished from your mind for ever. Say that I will go all out to build a strong and powerful relationship with my future partner and that’s my one of the most important goal of my life. And it’s as important as my career goal.

68

Re: Polygamy in the society

You know what, I agree with you. It does take a lot of work, a lot of sleepless nights arguing and fighting :), a lot of tears, and a lot of compromise and of God’s blessings to reach this level where both of you would do anything for each other. But, this doing anything for each other is only there because I trust him and he trusts me that we would never impose undue hardships on each other. We didn’t start out that way and I doubt that many people do.
PCG did not say that she would not sacrifice for her husband, she said that she would not give up her career. There is a difference. If my husband were to demand that I give up my career, it would definitely cause problems between us and put a dent in that trust that we have built between us because it is built on the foundation that we would never impose undue hardships on each other, that we will look out for each other before we look out for ourselves because we know the other is looking out for us first. With that being said, why would your husband, in a healthy marriage, even ask you to give up something that he knows is so important to you?
In a healthy marriage, you take each other for who you are not who you want them to be. You realize that both of you are growing and changing and you are there to support each other. It is not supportive if you are demanding your wife do something that she is not a 100% comfortable doing. If he respects her, loves her, he will take her for who she is. Many women work not because they have to or because their husband will treat them as subordinate if they don’t, but because they feel they have something to offer to the world. While this could be done even without having a career, one of the ways to do this is through your career. Everyone wants to make a difference and although I don’t know PCG, I would venture to say that one possible reason she is so protective about her career is because she feels she has something to offer. No one has the right to take that away from her.

Argh, I think we’re way off topic. . . :confused:

69

Re: Polygamy in the society

All that you said would be perfectly fine and dandy if I were to marry someone who doesn’t want me working. HOwever, there are LOTS OF men out there who don’t mind a working wife. In fact, you can search through some threads on working women topics on this forum, and you’ll find some men who actually WANT their wives to work or do something to get out of the home. If a woman marries a guy who is supportive of her career, then all the things youv’e said in this post don’t apply.

Everyone is different. Not everyone thinks alike, and the good thing about marriage is that a woman doesn’t marry every individual man of the male sub-species. Instead, she marries one man at a time, and hopefully, she spends most of her life with this man. So, she just needs to find someone who sees eye to eye on the issue as she does, and then she doesn’t need to worry about “failing at home”.

She’ll only fail at home if her expectations of home don’t match her husband’s. And that’s something that can easily be sorted out prior to marriage, and usually talking these issues out before marriage does work. Except in the case of our society where many men and their families will LIE about how they’re comfy with a working woman and then marry the an actual working woman with a career and then force her to change. In such a case, I encourage flat out divorce since the marriage began with a lie, and I also encourage women to put it down in writing on their nikkahnama or a written document that the in-laws will agree not to pressure her out of her career, otherwise it can be grounds for a divorce which will include x, y, and z circumstances and conditions.

That should scare the crap out of any family who is intending on tricking a working woman into a lie of a marriage.

70

Re: Polygamy in the society

Everyone wants to make a difference and although I don't know PCG, I would venture to say that one possible reason she is so protective about her career is because she feels she has something to offer. No one has the right to take that away from her.

Pretty much. And fact is, I wouldn't ever marry someone who can't respect that.

Sal35, its actually not hard to get into a relationship where saccrifice and mutual understanding go both ways. If a woman can saccrifice and be understanding, its because her culture has drummed it in her that she needs to do this. Women look at their own parents and try to model themselves on their own mothers.

I don't see why its hard for men to reciprocate? And if the answer is because men are culturally programmed to be non-saccrificial, non-understanding, non-respectful, etc to their wife, then that is NO excuse. These same men are "muslim" and their muslim culture does not tell them anywhere that women cannot work. Muslim men have models like the Prophet's strong wives to look up to. They've got Bibi Fatima as a model, etc etc. These were all strong women who were actively involved in their community. Maybe they didnt earn 35,000 dollars a year for their work, but they were active women.

So exactly why do muslim men choose to follow an un-Islamic cultural system when it comes to marriage?

And then to top THAT off, people say that polygamy is necessary for these same men, and that its healthy for women too??? I don't get it really. How does polygamy have anything to do with a working woman? How does it solve the problems of a female? So a female marries a guy who already has 3 other wives that he's supporting out of his income, which means he's got to divide his income in 4 ways so that everyone gets an equal share...isn't it more advantageous to marry one guy who has no other wife, so you can partake in his entire income?

And in this society where our carrying capacity as a human species is pretty much stretching its limit, isn't it more advantageous to be a married couple where both the husband and the wife work, so there are two incomes coming into the household? Not every guy makes 90,000 bucks a year!

And how the hell is it going to hurt the family fabric for a female to work? I don't get it. So she can take some time off and be there for her kids or work her work hours out or work environment out so her kids are with her for most of the day. So the husband pitches in and helps out around the home for a bit...oh my GOD, is that such a friggin SIN? Is it so hard for you to pick up a dish and wash it once in a while?

No, fact is you desi men are culturally influenced to think that desi women are made only to serve you like friggin' maids. That's the problem.

Women don't need to do anything to fix this social problem. Its you babies who call yourselves men that need to grow up and grow some balls!!

71

Re: Polygamy in the society

Didn't you know PCG, that feminism is the root of all evil, polygamy is the solution to every problem and any woman who disagrees is selfish? ? ? ?

72

Re: Polygamy in the society

:mash: :subhan: :closed:

73

Re: Polygamy in the society

Haha, right. God forbid women actually assert themselves as equally kaabil human beings, because that would just destroy all sense of security men have! Oh, and for that, we’d be sent to the lowest depths of hell, by a God who told us supposedly he’s created both men and women as humans…

74

Re: Polygamy in the society

by a God who told us supposedly he's created both men and women as humans...

That's just it, you nailed it. People forget to see each other as humans. There are so many threads on this website about what women should do, what women are supposed to do, what women cannot do, etc. It's almost as if women are a whole new species. I would love to see some of these guys wake up one day as a woman.

Anyhow, what do I know, i'm just a stupid abcd westernized feminazi.

75

Re: Polygamy in the society

[quote]
Anyhow, what do I know, i'm just a stupid abcd westernized feminazi.
[/quote]

^^ If you are hot, then maybe we can 'work it out' ! ;) ;)

76

Re: Polygamy in the society

She's married, you freak.

77

Re: Polygamy in the society

PG, you are right! Religion sanctions polygamy.:)

78

Re: Polygamy in the society

work out what? :confused: :rolleyes:

79

Re: Polygamy in the society

So? :rolleyes:

80

Re: Polygamy in the society

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
pukes
My husband will have to beat you up now:kaboom: