Political Humor

[LuxuryItem]

It doesn’t get any better than this… :rotfl:

But I submit to you that there is no chance that you will ever surpass the legacy of looniness in my home state.
One of my favorite legislators was a guy named Mike Martin. Mike was an early harbinger of the moral majority. He was from Longview, Texas. He ran on a platform of being pro-family and pro-American. It was pretty controversial but he won anyway.
Mike came down to the Legislature and turned out to be legislatively impaired. His problem was he was such a hopeless dipsh*t that he could not get a single bill passed. Not even memorial resolutions for people that had died in his district.
Well, came two years later and there’s Mike and he’s got zip on his record. Hard to get re-elected when you got zip. And Mike turned out to have more imagination than we gave him credit for. What he did was he paid his cousin, Eddie, to shoot him in the arm with a shotgun. A touch I especially liked. And then he claimed that it had been done by a satanic and communistic cult that was out to get him on account that he, Mike Martin, was so profoundly and pro-American. Boy, this worked amazingly well. There were headlines all over the state: “Legislator Attacked By Satanic Cult.” I mean it was a big deal. We sent the Texas Rangers out to find these people. Now I realize that your satanic, communistic cults are practically littering the ground out here in California but they’re a little scarce in central Texas and the Rangers had no luck.
And there was Mike back in Longview going around town with his arm in a red-white-and-blue sling. I mean it looked good for re-election.
But, as often happens in these situations, the whole deal come unstuck because Cousin Eddie got drunk in a honky-tonk one night and spilled the beans.
Now here’s where we in Texas can be proud. Not many Legislators had the foresight to make it illegal to pay somebody to shoot you. But in Texas…don’t y’all come down there and try and have that done.
And I’m sorry to say that rather than facing up to his legal problems, Mike Martin took it on the lam. He went underground. Went into hiding. We sent the Texas Rangers out after him. They searched high; they searched low for two weeks. At last they tracked him to earth at his momma’s house in Longview. He was found hiding in the stereo cabinet. Many people have wondered what he was doing inthe stereo cabinet. Myself, I always did think the man wanted to be the Speaker.

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