This was sent to me by a friend of mine.
It’s a repeat since some of you (we won’t point fingers) have forgoten the rules.
RULES FOR WOMEN
OK, Girls, no cussing now!!!
Please note … these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
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If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
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Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
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Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
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Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
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Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
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Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
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Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
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Passing gas is a normal and necessary bodily function. It in no way creates a requirement to leave the room.
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When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
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You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
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Crying is blackmail.
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Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
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Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
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We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
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Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
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Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
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Check your oil. Please.
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Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
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Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
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If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
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If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
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Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
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Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
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Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
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Women wearing tight low-cut tops lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
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More women should wear tight low-cut tops. We like staring at boobs.
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If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
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If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
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What the hell is a doily?
WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE…