I don't want to let down others, so always end up saying yes. And sometimes i go out of my way to assist others. Is there any way to stop being a people pleaser lolz!!
I know quite a few people like this, some in my own family. And it effects themselves the most. Its a better attribute than not helping others. But yes a balance is important. May be you need a start with a daily resolution that you'll say one NO for every two YES. Makes sense?
Get to the root of why you do this. Is it because it makes you feel validated, needed, etc? Is it because you desire their approval or something else from them? It’s good to help others, but do so without any intrinsic or extrinsic expectations. If you know someone who is often in the habit of asking you for favors or who does not exert much effort of their own, it might be good if you back off and let that person try to acheive things on their own so that they become more self-reliant.
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It's because you lack boundaries. People know this and will use it against you. Coming from a former people pleaser.
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Some people are lucky and manage to set boundaries out of "self-respect" and "self-love" before they exhaust themselves. Others, like myself, only learn to do so once we help others in destroying us and they succeed. Pain is the best teacher.
It's when I realized that the times I was at my weakest there was no one to be found to help me get back up. In the end it's only me, and Allah (swt). However, when things go well people can't stop being jealous or when they need you for whatever reason they always know how to reach you. People are truely never satisfied, even if you bend yourself over 24/7. When you deal with egos and realize that "born alone, die alone", that's when you stop people pleasing. Always help people, but ask yourself Why you feel the need to do too much to keep others happy when the others don't struggle with this.. Why you can't say no... What makes you think you'll let others down? Inner (child) work needed for this. What (childhood) trauma males you want to please people at the cost of your own happiness?
If someone loves us, they will respect our boundaries (wishfull thinking). Most of the times when you try to maintain a healthy boundary, you'll be met with anger and lack of understanding. It's then when they keep trying to test your boundaries and that's the hardest part... you really need to stick to your own limits otherwise you'll give in because you feel bad. Again, ugly egos. I find it hard esp in Asian culture, but my peace means more to me.
If we respect ourselves and the relationship, we set boundaries so we can minimize damage to our own well being and maintain the relation with the other person.
Besides, if you come across liars, manipulators, abusers, greedy takers and so on, learning when to say no is so so important.
Hope it made some sense
:D
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Bhai Sahib it is NOT nice to complain about being too NICE…
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[quote=““Pakistani Prince””]
I don’t want to let down others, so always end up saying yes. And sometimes i go out of my way to assist others. Is there any way to stop being a people pleaser lolz!!
[/quote]
if there are things which you want to do to help other then just do it for the sake of Allah, Allah will reward you for this in this world and next, we don’t know Qayamat ke din Konsi Naiki kaam aa jaye. Instead of Feeling Guilty just tell your self that I’m doing this for the Sake of Allah and Allah will never waste your reward, you should always be Thankful that Allah put you in a place to help others,not seeking help from others.
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The important thing is to understand your source of happiness. If it makes you happy and satisfied when you help others, what can be better. What is better in this world than a human who is happy to help humanity?
At times it is difficult to say "NO!" because you are unsure of the intent of the other person, and you assume it to be good. It becomes easier to say "No." once you reverse the role and try to understand if you will be willing to ask a similar favour from the other person without hurting him or her.
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