Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Congratulations 
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Congratulations : )
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
the Omegas will be sold and the money applied towards charity.
Refreshing rite now jigar, do check ur pm, if it aint full.
Awww man, Im in need of an Omega too, I cant see the time correctly, besides, ever since Cindy Crawford started falunting Omegas, Ive become a die hard fan...of errr...yea time...:D
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Saadia, there are multitude of factors that prevent ppl from adopting from outside the family openly
-
societal taboos (kis ka bacca hai, kahan say aaya hai, kya background hay iss ka) and issues that the child may not be treated well and be reated like a second class citizen. On the Yahoo adoption board for Pakistan we hard first hand about how some girl who wad adopted started getting mistreated by her own family servants and neighbourhood servants when they came to know she was adopted as all of a sudden she was neech and gandee or whatever.
-
the confusion surrounding adoption (guardianship) from a religious perspective, while it is fairly simple if people just did some research
-
Personal confidence and the ‘words of concern’ from ‘sincere’ relatives and neighbours. i.e. did your thingie not work, questions about manhood or womanhood if you are unable to conceive.
-
People’s own fear and lack of trust that they can love an unrelated child and be fair to him or her.
Believe me as we started talking about adoption, we thought about all these topics, and in the end it did not matter, our family and friends are such that they fully support us and treat the kids even better than we had ever hoped they would.
As far as feelings of inadequecy or ppl passing comments, well such is life, we had our biological children, they were not meant to be, and several ectopic pregnancies..which even threatened my wife’s life again and again, we made a decision that we did nto want to go through that, the tension, the risks, the rise and fall of hope. That we wanted to be parents while we were young (okay well young-ish) and that we wanted children in our life. Yes we have had people comment thorughout the 9 years of our marriage (yesterday was 9th wedidng anniversary) but niether her or I are the type that take it personally, we do get a little ticked at lack of tact and sensitivity on desis part at times but in the end its our life and random aunties and hazraat who have a lame thing or two to say dont mean much. Now who knows if at some point in time we will be surprised and hav a biological child, but if we do good, if we dont, we are happy with what we are blessed with with these two and that we had the opportunity to have the previous two in our life even if for a short time.
The interesting thing is that an older couple we know, both late 40’s or even 50’s have had no children, and many ppl have talked to them about adoption and they just never went for it. The wife was willing but not the husband, the last time they talked about it was ages ago, before we knew them and it went nowhere. Now all of a sudden not only are they interested they want to do it ASAP. I dont see myself as some sort of role model, but indeed when people see one person do it, they see doors open and possibilities that they had not seen or discounted earlier.
As I have said before in my journal, talk to Mrd Edhi, get an idea of how many adoptions are taking place in pakistan from edhi centers, however, much of them are kept secret, that is why there is a huge demand for newborns but children who are even 6-7 months old have lesser chances of adoption because people can not pass them off as their biological kids and that oh we just had a baby type of deal.
So while there is cultural resistance in general and we do not meet our religious obligation to orphans, like we dont meet tons of other obligations, apathy and all that in society at large ( u dont have t adopt to help an orhpan) , the bigger issue is still of societal taboos, and that is why majority of adoptions in Pakistan are completely against how islam looks at the kafala, where the kids are passed off as couple’s biological kids to spare the couple uneasy questions and comments plus preventing the kid being treated badly by his peers (not pirs), neighbours, teachers, rishtaydaar, and even cousins.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Mama of 3, I am thinking of joining some support group of parents of multiples cuz man twins are not twice the effort, theya re like 3 times the effort of one kid. this si not from em but from my sis who has raised 3 kids.
with one kid u can divide and conquer, with 2 you have to play man to man, and man wth 3 like u are blessed with or kaleem has, you have to go in zone defence (basketball analogies were the best I could come up with)
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Just saw thier pics…mashallah they are VERY adorable. May Allah bless them with all the happiness and good health. Congrats again :k:
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Fraudia,
I know a young couple who would be interested in adopting a kid from overseas. Would you kindly pass me all the information you have about the steps involved so I can pass it along?
Thanks in advance.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Asif
are they in US? there is a large amount of documentation needed here and it can vary by state, I will out together a list, or rather I will have my wife put together a list because honestly if it were nto for her doing all this paperwork and keeping at it, nothing would happen.
If they are in US the requirements vary state to state but in general they will have to go through background test by FBI and local police, be finger printed, show tax returns, et references from ppl who are not relatives and complete a homestudy program with a social worker licensed by the state for adoptions. In some cases you also need a foster care license.
As far as international adoption goes, the overseas part will depend on which country you are looking at the us state dept has tone of info on their website for many countries. I only know details about Pakistan, Morocco and Azerbaijan.
So PM me more details or just have them contact me on my email if they want, I will Pm u my email addy
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Thanks bhai.
I am sure if you guys put together a list of steps (even if its just for the three countries you know of), it would be of great benefit to a lot of people in desi communities who are in the similar situations trying to adopt. I will make sure that your story with the list makes it to at least 2 very big and active local desi community organizations in the States. No need to keep it just within the G.S here you know.
Anyway, the couple I was talking about, are in the U.S (Michigan) and have been trying to concieve for many years now with no success. The guy has told me that they have considred adoption but never seriously went for it and don't know where to begin.
I will give him your email.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Tons of congratulations Pir Sahab.
^^I actually want the info as well. I have some cousins who would like to adopt as well. They currently reside in Cali and i think they started getting more info. I was looking in Pakistan but had some issues as Mrs. Edhi's hours are pretty tight and as neither myself or my cousins (who are not from Pakistan) are not there we've been stuck.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
I was reading Fraudia's journal and was really touched by what he has written... Life is really a test and sometimes it can really shake us from inside. They say you have to take step by step but then when things go bad you can't really are in control of urself. Fraudia paaji withstood the test of time and I can just imagine how tuf it would have been on him. I was reading about Mirza Ghalib and found that he lost all his kids- no one survived to be an adult.. and the deaths made him a far humble, mature and noble person than he otherwise would have been.. the heart's cry and pain was so visible in his shayaris that it touches a millions even now.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
I remember seeing Noor [Muzna's daughter picture when she was born and now mashallah itni barhi ho gai hai - i believe Muzna recently posted more pictures of her- its nice to be part of gupshup family :~) ]
Fraudz chacha keep us posted with pictures - i cant wait to see more pictures as they grow :~) Inshalallah...
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
asif and tofi
please tell them any information they give us would be kept in strict confidence.
I will give them all info. here is a little basic info to get them thinking
Azerbaijan-- this was a country we had been considering for some time
pros- organized program, facilitated, no headaches much of the work is done by adoption agencies of paper work, documentation, translation
cons- expensive..its almost like selling kids. the cheapest agency was $11K for one child $5K for another one. another cn is that the program is imploding and they keep closing it every few months and reopening ir, there are ppl who are in the process for years. U get sent referrals in mail e.g. pics, video of the kid and u decide yes or no, if u decide no then they will refer another one and another one. the cost in general right now is almost 15K per kid, so if someon wants to adopt 2 kids they will have to shell out 30K since the cheap one I mentioned is reviewing its fees also and I bet they will raise em to the same level as other agencies
Pakistan: pros- no language issues, you know the terrain, if you know ppl things will get done even quicker ( i know of one lady who just adopted from Pakistan, in addition there is a very good group on yahoo about adoption from pakistan which is an excellent resource), no adoption fee.
cons- can not take the kid out of the country for 6 months. Do not get correct information from Edhi folks and need someone to go there personally to talk to them and start the process. You will get half info e.g. we were told we could not adopt 2 children, while the fact is u can not adopt 2 newborns due to the high demand, older kids..even 6-7 month old kids or toddlers are available and u can adopt more than one of them if you wish. I believe one of the parents must be Pakistani to adopt.
Morocco- pros- no adoption fees, you can visit the orphanages and see the kids before you make a choice, involved officials will try to do their best to help you. some fees for process and support but well worth it.
cons- they wil not just send u pictures so you have to go, language isues are massive, all documents are typed (no computerization) so slow going, have to grease wheels to get things going, process is not clear for adoption by on morrocans or non morrocan residents (we were the first) so confusion exists.
I am working with some folks in Morocco to put together a more organized program for ppl who want to adopt so eve if ppl have to pay some charges they get a guide, get their documents trasnlated, and someone facilitate the process because otherwise it can be harrowing.
Adoption from India is possible also but by the time we got to it, we had already started on Morocco so I dont have much info there. I dont think u have to be Indian to adopt, but I was advised that for Pakistanis there may be additional hurdles, official or non official because thats just the way things are.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Guys while I may be the advising phannay khan on this board. the fact is that i know about 5% of what my wife knows on this topic, so I will have her put someothing together. She was already doing it for this other couple we know of, so I will just ask her to post here as well.
but again, they are more than welcme to contact us directly, tof u have my email but I will pm u again
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
I wasn't aware of the requirement at Edhi of atleast one parent has to be Pakistani. I had my sister go and make inquiries but as I said my cousin and her husband are both non-Pakistanis.
I'll pass on the info to them about Morocco, and your contact info (if you could PM that to me). Thanks a bunch. And may God give you lots of joy and smiles during the raising of your children.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
tofi, ask them to join the yahoo group on pakistani adoptions, they can serach for it and send an email to the moderator there. There is tons of useful information and ocntacts there.
Pakistan had frozen overseas adoptions recently since there was a fear that kids who are not orphaned or abandoned but just separeed from families due to earthquakes may be placed in adoption.
In addition they also wanted to make sure that these children do not fall prey to the human trafickers who seem to take advantae of such human tragedies.
although in Pakistan, if u have contacts things get done very quickly, when adoption of earthquake area kids were ot being allowed, hadiqa Kiani adopted from there, but hey there are benefits of being related to justice kianis, or who knows she may have adopted before restrictiosn were placed.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
congratulations....to mr fraudia and babez....many duas.
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
some links
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
congratulations yaar :)
Re: Please Join Me in Congratulating
Congratz Fraudz bhai! Glad to hear that you have adopted twins. May your family be blessed!