Re: Please help
Peace Sister chamali
It seems by the way you have described your set-up is that you are living a traditional Pakistani cultural lifestyle. So as well as du'a as people have given you, it is with utmost importance you actually do something to ease your situation also. Sister PCG is giving you good advice.
As if you are talking about a different subject, like the last khutbah, for e.g. tell your husband that you have read it and narrate it to him. Say that you think it is really enlightening. The reason I say this is because in it is advice to the men, to treat their women (wives) kindly, to clothe them and provide shelter for they are committed helpers to us men. This should get him thinking.
If you are good at poetry try to write a few lines to express that importance of the mother and the wife and the balance the man must make between them treating both with good conduct as Islam prescribes.
Try to give no reason for either your mother-in-law or your husband to be upset with you. They ask you to do something, if it is halal then there is no reason why it should not be done. Likewise you can ask them to do things for you also. But this approach requires learning and a lot of patience.
Try to be sympathetic to your husband. Behave as if the rudeness is not affecting you. That will give moral high ground and a sense of authority, because if you look the one who is rude, he only is rude because of a turmoil within him, he let's this anger out in spurts of rage and rudeness, so the people around him feel as he is feeling. The problem is that he is the one in need not you. So lend him an ear and ask him what has driven him to a condition that he feels he should earn himself sin by being rude. Remind him patience is well rewarded.
When asking Allah (SWT) to help you do so in that you are sure He is Hearing, and don't be asking in despair. Ask others around you to pray (supplicate) for you too.
Try to analyse the lifestyle you are living, does your hubby get enough exercise? Physical exercise takes energy and channels it away from mental tension. Do you study Islam and try to be attractive for your husband?
You can also stand up for your right by not talking to your husband when you think he is being rude. Or try to find other ways to pacify him! Food, etc. Are there money issues, or pride issues? Solve these also. Try not to be a burden for your husband in money issues if they are there. Never compete with your mother-in-law (I'm not saying that you do), but encourage your husband to make his mother feel well respected and try to make or buy gifts for her like flowers and show your husband that you are thinking about his mother, even more than him! This will alter his psychology and put you in a position of (acquired) authority over him, even though Islam makes him the decision-maker, but you are his advisor, that is the rank Islam gives you.
They say behind every good man, is a brilliant woman.
Try to remove haram or unIslamic things from your home and lifestyle. Be simple but effective in decoration, keep TV off for as long as you can. Read Qur'an in your home and keep the place tidy. Men are amazed when they see clean places, even if they don't say so with their mouths.
If he hits you then this is wrong and you need to seek help. Try his mother. There is nothing more powerful than the mother of your husband so you can use her if you put trust in her to sort out your affairs. If not then try to get a third party involved as an arbitrator someone both of you can trust and have respect for, then explain the situation with everyone present and try to get everything sorted or a programme for development. Consult him first about this if this is the case.
Did you know that Islam only gives permission to a man to hit his wife if she has been unfaithful to him, and when he hits her it should be with nothing bigger than a toothbrush.
Yes, do a lot of du'a and act upon sound judgement and try to be one step ahead of the game and treat it like game of chess, in a halal way of course.