PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

You can give talaq while pregnant. The iddat will be till delivery of child. Surah talaq has details of divorce proceedings. And three talaqs are binding.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

U can divorce while pregnant, but the marriage still holds while she is pregnant because it doesn't take effect while pregnant but after it (I think). Only when she delivers the child does the iddat period of that divorce end.

Edit: My bad, the divorce does take place, so she is not technically married to him but in waiting. And the waiting period (iddat) is till whenever she delivers which might be 5 days or five months, how much ever time remains till the delivery.

One school of thought (the one in Pakistan) says, 3 divorces in one go is a full on divorce and no coming back from it. So if u follow that then once the child is born then the girl is free to marry whoever she wants (and good luck with that in Pakistan!).
The other school of thought (which makes more sense to me) is that even 10 divorces in one go count as one divorce. So her whole pregnancy time is still her iddat period but the couple have time to reconcile and the husband can take her back during that period. If he does not take her back then when the baby is born her iddat is over and they are now divorced. They r both free to marry whoever they want but since it was only 1 divorce they can marry each other as well, but with a new nikah contract and mahr. In their new marriage they will only have two divorces left and not 3.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

First thing first divorce is given while a husband is angry, nobody will divorce while he is happy and having a blast or having fun doing so.
The fact that he was angry when he divorced does not invalidate this divorce. Her being pregnant also does not invalidates it.

Now the question of whether 3 talaq in one go is valid or not. Shia fiqh still considers it one talaq. In all 4 Sunni school of thought though 3 talaq at one go is considered a taboo and is frowned upon but all Sunni school of though still consider this as 3 talaqs and no reconciliation is possible after 3 talaqs in one go or on 3 different occasions. There is a way out but it is next to impossible to implement common folks call it halala.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

Agree with the bold section.

It's such a sad situation to be in.

I personally know someone who got divorced while she was pregnant.

and just my opinion that a person with such a loose decision making / tongue who gives 3 talaqs in one go & then regretting it and ultimately making a mockery of his marriage , will repeat this stupidity again and again because of his low aptitude.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

I understand things don't work out and sometimes divorce is inevitable. But really, when your wife is pregnant with your child, is that really the time? What an undue stress on both the mom and the child

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

All Sunni schools of thought don’t consider it as 3 talaqs. And the Shia school says that anything more than one talaq is like no talaaq at all. Sunni school of thought (can’t remember which one) says it’s considered as one.

Here’s a good article with a history lesson as well.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

better to ask a scholar. what i have heard that divorce doesn't apply if a woman is pregnant.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

Even if there is room to save the marriage, it's hard to move on from those words...and to live in fear that they might be uttered again at a later point.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

Everyone saying divorce can't happen while pregnant please read Surah Talaq. This view is wrong and the Holy Quran is very clear on this. To repeat divorce will happen but iddat is till delivery of child

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

There is a difference between being dissatisfied and wanting out of a relationship and in those conditions wanting divorce or being just plain "angry" and uttering words in the throws of passion.

Of course nobody wants a divorce when things are going badly but that doesn't mean that all divorces take place during heated arguments either.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

It doesn't matter either way. A divorce is divorce whether in the throes of passion or a calculated decision.

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Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED

So God should have mercy on her if she lives in Pakistan....but what if she doesnt? Then God shouldnt have mercy on her ? What kind of a stupid comment is that?

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Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED

If you read my following response you'll see what I said. Unlike Asian countries there is much more support for a divorce single mother in the western world. People will go out of their way to help you out because they know raising a child by yourself is hard. Added to that divorce is hard as well and it's much more common in western countries which is why they are more accepting.

Now, I don't advocate for divorce, but I rather be divorced in America (i think they have the highest divorce rate in the world?) than in Pakistan where I would be talked about and pitied by my family and friends.

It's not really that common for westerners to abandon you once you get a divorce... it is however for Asians because it isn't as common.

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Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED

You're really stretching it. The conclusion arrived at is neither sound nor bright. Wishing for mercy in one location does not equate to its absence in another. God would have mercy on her even if she lives outside of Pak. But she would need more mercy and inner strength living in a society where divorce is a greater stigma. That's all it is.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

That sunni school of though is called Ahl e Hadees.

I have seen two complicated divorce cases recently. A guy from ahl e hadees background claimed to change his maslak (became a hanafi) to get married to a hanafi, barelvi girl. Hardly after six months of their marriage, he said talaq thrice during an argument. The girl returned to her parents home and was completing her iddat when the guy contacted and told her that he hadn’t actually changed his maslak and is still an ahl e hadees so they could reunite if the girl too announces to become ahl e hadees. The girl agreed and returned to him despite her family bening totally against this step. They have cut ties with her and consider both of them hypocrites and fornicators.

The other couple was expecting their second child when the husband uttered those dreaded words many times in one go. Here, the wife already belonged to ahl e hadees maslak while the man was sunni deo bandi. She returned to her maika and as it happens, husband realized a few days later that he had committed a huge mistake. On contacting wive’s elders, he was given the option to become ahl e hadees, so that his three talaqs at once could be considered just one according to their maslak. The guy did as he was told and now he is with his wife again.

I want to clear that I have nothing against Ahl e Hadees or any other maslak at all. All masalik and schools of thoughts have strong basis for their believes and practices. Just wanted to share a somewhat disturbing and previously unheard practice from my surroundings.

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Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED

thank you. that's what I meant.

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Re: URGENT HELP NEEDED

Thats Hanafi position, others consider it one divorce only.

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

I didn't know ppl convert from different maslaks to marry Muslims. Is that just the family's requirement? Cuz I don't think Islam stipulates that. How would u even convert? The shahadah is still the same. For the ones that it's different (Shia, agha khani) it might make sense but not within the Sunni sect I would think. And isn't the whole point that u don't just blindly follow one school of thought and u sometimes go for some sort of consensus amongst scholars, or majority view or stronger view or even what makes most sense to u. Ur not technically bound to follow only hanafi or hanbali if u follow that sect. Ur supposed to make an informed decision.
Anyway the ahlehadith one has always made more sense to me especially when I hear of couples actually considering a planned halala. I mean doesn't it make more sense to accept that the divorce was dealt with in a different way at the time of the prophet than taking a way out which has clearly and unequivocally been deemed forbidden? (Planned halala)

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

I second your thoughts regarding planned halala. It simply sounds outrageous and how anyone could even remotely consider it an Islamic practice is beyond me.

There are a few extremists among followers of every maslak. For them, only what they believe in and practice is true Islam and everyone else is either Gumrah or Kafir. :(

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Re: PLEASE HELP - Question about divorce

There are different schools of thought so depending on which one your friend follows, she should decide. Here is what I believe in (as laid out by Dr Khaleed Zaheer)

The Qur'an has gone into details of not only how divorce is to be given but also how the couple is expected to behave in such situations. The reason for the mention of these details is that since an individual is likely to be emotional and imbalanced in his/her approach in situations when divorce is being considered, God Almighty has cautioned us to behave in a manner befitting for a believer. Moreover, it seems from the mention of the Qur'an that such tense occasions when one can be unfair to the other person because of the absence of external pressures are a believer's real test of faith in Allah.

The right way of giving 'Talaq' is this: A husband who wants to divorce his wife should pronounce 'Talaq' with an intention to divorce her at the time when his wife is in 'tuhur' i.e. in her clean, non-menstrual period. Having done that, he should allow her to live in his home comfortably, but should not have any physical contact with her if he wants the divorce to get consummated. This process would take three 'tuhur' i.e. after the lapse of two menstrual periods, when she reaches the end of her third 'tuhur', she can be allowed to go respectably, in which case the divorce shall be effective. However, the husband can also decide to keep her as wife even before or at the culmination of that period, in which case they will continue to live as husband and wife. The husband should however know that the process of pronouncing 'Talaq' has resulted in him losing one of the two chances God Almighty has given him of giving 'Talaq' to his wife. Thus, if the husband loses his patience once again, the same process shall be followed and the two can continue to live as husband and wife, either at any time during these three periods or at the end of the duration. However, having availed the two chances of giving 'Talaq', a husband cannot give it once again to his wife a third time and retain the option of keeping her with himself during or after the waiting period. That is what is meant by the Qur'anic verse which says:

"Talaq can be given only twice".

Having given a 'Talaq' and having sent her off once or twice, the two can rejoin after going through the 'Nikah' formality. However, if a 'Talaq' has been given thrice, in such a way that the two privileges of taking the wife back have been lost, then the two can only resume marital relationship if the divorced lady genuinely marries another man who then divorces her.

**The manner of the pronouncement of 'Talaq' can take any form considered acceptable in the society. The Qur'an has left such matters to 'Ma'ruf' i.e custom. A society can even decide that the pronouncement of 'Talaq' shall only be acceptable if it is done in writing, as was the law in Pakistan until recently, before the Family Law Ordinance was withdrawn. Now, in the absence of any new law, there is nothing clear in this regard, and it would be upon the judge/'qazi' to decide.

**Now here is where two main school of thoughts differ

1) Some say that even though above mentioned method is "right way" but if given in one sitting, 3 talaq's happen right away

2) 2nd school says that no matter how many time you say it/spell it, its going to equate 1 talaq of that sitting and due course will follow from there.

She should get in touch with ulma of firqa she follows and do as they tell her too. One thing she should not do is jumping b/w fiqas to "obtain" fatwa of her liking...not for angry bull.