i have a big problem..me and my husband live in same city as MY parents. Its a very small town with no pakistan family. My husbands parents live in Pakistan.
Now when we had a baby-boy. We want to move to a big city which is 6 hours from the small town.
we wana move just for our child, so he can get pakistani friends and get known about our culture and religion. In the big city its much pakistani families and ect. And so i and my husband can get pakistani friends too. And in the big city its big chance that my husband can get job( now he is always at home)
Now to the problem. My parents is very angry and they dont want us to move. They says that “whats better? live near parents or in a big city?” They are so angry and i dont know what to do!
I agree to TLK, any reason your parents cannot move. What if your husband finds a job in this city and later gets transfered to a big city , what anybody can do about it.
Get them to calm down. Ease into the decision you have ot make. Its big decision ... be politically correct. Both are important things and you dn't your kid to miss on either - so try to play your cards right.
Awwww, sister, what I am about to say may seem a little harsh, but it's the most honest thing. Once a girl gets married, her parents should not really involve much. You must be thinking, 'WHAT THE HELL??!!', but this is true. The reason why I say this is because it causes less friction between you, your parents, your hubby and his parents. In other words, the best is to do something which your hubby and you are fine with, and now that Masha'Allah Allah swt has granted you the most beautiful gift, a baby boy, you need to think about his future. If you feel moving out to the big city is appropriate then so you should.
If you parents think that they will not be able to see their daughter, valid point, BUT now that you are married, hubby and child must come first. Sorry sister, but that is what I believe. :)
i have a big problem..me and my husband live in same city as MY parents. Its a very small town with no pakistan family. My husbands parents live in Pakistan.
Now when we had a baby-boy. We want to move to a big city which is 6 hours from the small town.
we wana move just for our child, so he can get pakistani friends and get known about our culture and religion. In the big city its much pakistani families and ect. And so i and my husband can get pakistani friends too. And in the big city its big chance that my husband can get job( now he is always at home)
Now to the problem. My parents is very angry and they dont want us to move. They says that "whats better? live near parents or in a big city?" They are so angry and i dont know what to do!
What should i do? Please help me...
This happened in my house too...lol. My sister got married and initially moved away to another state but then came back a few months later because they were soooo lonely there. There were no Pakistani families for miles, lol. They lived close to my parents for a few years, had a baby and then my BIL got a really good job offer out of state. My parents were initially very upset. They werent angry, just sad...which is worse sometimes because they wont even yell at you! This continued for a while and my sister felt terrible but one day she sat down and talked to my mother...they had a heart to heart and she explained how important it was for them to secure a good future for their child while they are young and strong. They understood when my sister reached out and included them in the process.
Also, believe it or not you may just have to live with them being mad for a while. They are your parents and they wont be mad forever, trust me. My parents not only got over my sister's move but they are now helping her do it.
Another thing you can do is have them come there after a while. Wouldnt they like to be closer to a Pakistani community? My parents love seeing all their friends whenever they want, desi stores nearby, old neighborhoods, etc. Thats an idea for you...
i have a big problem..me and my husband live in same city as MY parents. Its a very small town with no pakistan family. My husbands parents live in Pakistan.
Now when we had a baby-boy. We want to move to a big city which is 6 hours from the small town.
we wana move just for our child, so he can get pakistani friends and get known about our culture and religion. In the big city its much pakistani families and ect. And so i and my husband can get pakistani friends too. And in the big city its big chance that my husband can get job( now he is always at home)
Now to the problem. My parents is very angry and they dont want us to move. They says that "whats better? live near parents or in a big city?" They are so angry and i dont know what to do!
What should i do? Please help me...
Also, be careful because you dont want them to feel alienated either. Dont be harsh, give them the respect they deserve (they are your parents after all) and include them in the process. Take them to your new home, show them around a little in your new neighborhood, help them realize you're not really going anywhere.
Nuz, It looks to me that your parents are actually more frightened of losing u, than angry. Sometimes when a person is frightened or upset bcos of a change that threatens their current way of life, they can manifest it as anger.
If u can, u should tell them your reasons for wanting to move, after giving them time to calm down. U can also tell them that they can visit and stay for as long as they like etc, etc, but that u have to now put your child first and are doing this for yr baby.
Also, they don't know, once u r settle there and they visit, they might like it so much that they also move there.
Well, hope it all gets sorted out for u, for the best.
Your parents need to mind their own business. With this kind of crazy involvement in your life, its actually better if you guys DO move away from them.
i did talk with my parents today but they say that big city is not good for a child. They say that there we gona b alone and no relatives. They was angry and say that we r mad who just thought that we gona move. They said that we r acting like kids.
I really dont know what to do. They dont want to understand us, that we r doing this for our baby. They said that" when its much pakistani togheter they always talk about eachothers and much stories, and its good to not b in much pakistani" And if we wanna move there its much pakistani then why we dont move to pakistan they said.
i did talk with my parents today but they say that big city is not good for a child. They say that there we gona b alone and no relatives. They was angry and say that we r mad who just thought that we gona move. They said that we r acting like kids.
I really dont know what to do. They dont want to understand us, that we r doing this for our baby. They said that" when its much pakistani togheter they always talk about eachothers and much stories, and its good to not b in much pakistani" And if we wanna move there its much pakistani then why we dont move to pakistan they said.
What should we do? I dont know...Please help.
If this is there reason for living in a small town away from other desi families then either they are snobs or they are loners. If they are living in small town with no desi living there just for financial reasons and never wanted to look into what more the world has to offer then they are either lazy or stuck into their comfort zone.
There are many people in this world who do not want you to progress and think big , they want to drag you down so you parents might be that kind of party too.
Now it is your choice to listen to some snobs , loners, lazy , stuck up or drag-you-down kind of people , or you want to progress in life and seek some good for yourself and your kids. If everybody thought as your parents then we would all be still living in caves.
P.S: Don't get me wrong , I love elders and respect their wisdom, but all elders are not equally wise.
i did talk with my parents today but they say that big city is not good for a child. They say that there we gona b alone and no relatives. They was angry and say that we r mad who just thought that we gona move. They said that we r acting like kids.
I really dont know what to do. They dont want to understand us, that we r doing this for our baby. They said that" when its much pakistani togheter they always talk about eachothers and much stories, and its good to not b in much pakistani" And if we wanna move there its much pakistani then why we dont move to pakistan they said.
What should we do? I dont know...Please help.
My dad kinda had the same thinking when he first came here, that it's better to not be surrounded by pakistanis all the time b/c they'll always be up in ur face, too much gossiping etc.... and i see his point, but at the same time i had to grow up with that decision and i didn't like it...i'd just prefer to move away from this area, to a paki or non-paki area i dont care :D
My parents brought us up to believe that they r wise and we r just children, and that they know better than us, even when we r all now mature adults!
This is not a good way to bring up your kids in this world, bcos when they r grown up and want to make decisions on how and where to live their life, we r hesitant and indecisive and a part of us always thinks maybe we r not making the right decision cos parents know best.
I think nuzhat, u should go and try living in the city at least. U should try it bcos if u don't u will ALWAYS be thinking "what if" and your husband will resent the fact that your independence as a couple has been taken away, bcos parents know best.
If it doesnt work out, come back. You should tell yr parents that u r going to trial it, and make your own minds up.
We bought a place on my parents advice, at the time i really did think i couldnt know better than them. Now I would certainly say to everyone, dont make the same mistake as me, move to where u r happy and do what is best for u. Your parents r yr parents and they will live with it.
Awwww, sister, what I am about to say may seem a little harsh, but it's the most honest thing. Once a girl gets married, her parents should not really involve much. You must be thinking, 'WHAT THE HELL??!!', but this is true. The reason why I say this is because it causes less friction between you, your parents, your hubby and his parents. In other words, the best is to do something which your hubby and you are fine with, and now that Masha'Allah Allah swt has granted you the most beautiful gift, a baby boy, you need to think about his future. If you feel moving out to the big city is appropriate then so you should.
If you parents think that they will not be able to see their daughter, valid point, BUT now that you are married, hubby and child must come first. Sorry sister, but that is what I believe. :)
Its funny you say that, if it was a guy posting the same question everyone would say how parents are first priority. I smell double standards.
I am not gonna tell you what you are doing is right or wrong, its an important decision and you know whats best for you but please consider your parents feelings too. Try to convince them its the best thing for your family.
what do you mean your husband is always home? Does he not have a job at the moment? If not can't you guys try explaning to your parents it's important to move to a bigger city beacuse of that one reason if not any other.
This may sound a little harsh. But trust me those of us, guys alike, and even so, especially women folk, that end up living near family, never get a chance to be fully independant meaning: Emotionally we always will be dependant. I recommend moving away. If they miss u all that much, they’ll follow ur lead Parents will be parents until they breath their last m’dear. No matter HOOOOOOOOOOOW much we grow up, what worlds we conquer they still think they need to watch out for us. I used to get annoyed too, now I don’t cuz I realized that very fact as stated above. They will try in their best potentials to save u from any minor hardships or so at every cost even if it means making u stay near and dear their homes or under the same roof even after marriage.
Usually parents only forbid their kids from moving cuz its more convenient for them mostly emotionally, but sometimes one’s gotta realize that its time to fly out of that nest.
So very nicely you and hubby have a talk with them that you appreciate all that they have done for u (plus lots of other lovey dovey buttery truthful words) but we have to move because it’s benefitting for our little one and you guys have given us wonderful guidance, support, now you should trust your teaching and let us put that erudition and brilliant lessons to full use this way.
Bake a beautiful cake if u know how… ask hubby to be nice and both of u take a visit to ur parents, apologize for being mad at each other, make dua together to have the Almighty grant u guys with rehm and aman… give lots of hugs and kisses… and talk nice. Whatever kindness u have in your heart… bring all that magic to use m’dear and see that it opens lots of doors for u. If not, atleast u will not feel bad that u were mean to ur parents. Always treat them with respect and at the same time u go with the decision that is best for your little baby and hubby. Trust me its the most hardest thing to do. Though life may seem to go on for ever… it sometimes is so abrupt and sudden that when u turn to look around the next time, they may not be there anymore and silence is all what’ll echo back
Hey hey no need to have sparks flaring. What if they just can’t bare to see their baby move away. U know how attached parents are to their young 'uns. If if the kids are 80 yrs old, they’ll alway be babies to parents
But pets… yes I would def, most certainly recommend a pair of bunny wabbits. That’ll keep them at it
are u sure thats the only problem,that u r kid wuld have pakistani kids to play with,i grew up with no desi kids around but i had my whole family there with me that matters alot to me
Its funny you say that, if it was a guy posting the same question everyone would say how parents are first priority. I smell double standards.quote]
Why do you say that? Because I a woman who thinks that way??!! :s lol
Well this is what I think, because parents no doubt are first, but what i mean is that after a girl gets married, she need to care far more for her hubby and his family. Only then marriages are long lasting. But everyone has their own views. :)
As for the sister who asked this question, you need to sit down and explain to your parents. Elaborate all the good points and sweet talk them through it. Also, be honest with yourself, do you think moving will be a good thing?? If so, stick to your decision hence making it clear in a way that your parents will say themselves!! :) Good luck sis!! xx
Parents will be parents until they breath their last m’dear. No matter HOOOOOOOOOOOW much we grow up, what worlds we conquer they still think they need to watch out for us. I used to get annoyed too, now I don’t cuz I realized that very fact as stated above. They will try in their best potentials to save u from any minor hardships or so at every cost even if it means making u stay near and dear their homes or under the same roof even after marriage.
